to think that we should all let our dh's off the hook on Mother's Day?

[pictish]

Well am I?

To put it into context, I don't think they should look to us on Father's Day either...but in truth few men seem to. In general, it's us women who hold stock by these things.

It is very nice to feel appreciated. I understand that. But Mother's Day is about appreciating your mother surely?

I can also relate to having your dh take the opportunity to let you know he appreciates you as a mother, but expectations of how elaborately he expresses this seem to be high and getting higher.

Give them a break. Your turn will come. Your grown up children will come and spend time with you on Mother's Day.

If your dh puts out for his own mum, then he's doing alright. That's what we like to see.
Your turn will come.

I wish everyone a good day tomorrow. Personally, I will be getting homemade cards and breakfast in bed, then dh and I are leaving the kids with dh's aunt, and going out to pick up some craft materials and have lunch out. He will be popping round his mum's later with a gift and a posy. No hassle, no stress.

Remember, if someone doesn't know that they are being tested, they are never going to pass.

Perspective is a good thing. xxx

[Hmmmokthen]

What if teenage children do not do cards and/gifts. What if only one out of the three evens attempts the make a cup of tea thing? I have a gift for my mum and will visit. OH will probably not even to phone his mum let alone send her a card.

Is this scenario worth feeling upset?

[DreamsTurnToGoldDust]

But to me its a case of you both being on the same page and having understanding of each other. If you both dont do anything thats fine and dandy, its a decision you`ve both decided, sameways if you make a big deal over it, again decided together.

I think the upset comes when a couple have different expectations and why both dont know what the other wants if that makes sense. Surely the disappointment comes down to communication or lack of?

[BoffinMum]

Well I have just told DH to fuck off as he just lay there as usual while I got up and did everything. He protested 'you could have woken me and asked for help' but AIBU that the point is supposed to be spontaneous attention? He's off out in an hour for the rest of the day as well, so no nice lunch or anything for me.

[Catchingmockingbirds]

DP has just helped (well he done it all really) 6 year old DS make me breakfast in bed, and they've brought me up flowers and 2 cards; one from DS and one from bump saying "I can't wait to meet you".

DP doesn't seem too traumatised by it all, yabu.

[Mrsrobertduvall]

Mothers Day is turning into the angst fest that is Christmas.
I said this yesterday and I'm saying it again today
There will be a separate topic next year for it.

i don't know why people get so het up over what is supposed to be a "nice"occasion. Visiting MIL or your own mother, dhs being abused for not being proactive....
I don't like Mothers Day...not important to me. But my teenage dcs bought me chocolate buttons and a card which they didn't have to. Everyone has gone out, I have just done my Jillian Michael Killer abs dvd and enjoying a cup of tea.

[Tanith]

I don't agree.

Since when did Mother's Day become all about the grandmother?? There is a Grandparents Day in September - why do they need to hang on to Mother's Day, too?

My mother and MIL have already had their share of flowers and cards and special day all through when we were children. I know that neither of them thought for a moment about bringing us all over to their mothers for the day.

Yet my MIL expects it every year. Cards, flowers, day spent with her.

Actually, I want to spend Mother's Day with my children. Here in my home.

[EasilyBored]

I don't have high expectations of mothers day, all I want is a lie in and a card from DS. Since DS is only 14 months, DH has to be involved. We do the same for fathers day. Neither of us expects a big fan fare or massive gifts, but we make a bit of a fuss of the other person. It's not hard. It's not like I'm asking for a kidney or diamonds. And I do the same for DH.

As a bonus, I got a lovely box of chocolates as well.

[Ra88]

Well my dp is at work so today has been me and dd on the sofa with our quilts watching tv ! I also had to take him a 40 minute drive to goto work this morning @ 5:45 so no lie in either ! :(

[QueenMaeve]

Yanbu I detest 'days' that decree what we should celebrate. I fully expect my dh to spoil me every day of the year

[BoffinMum]

Update: DH apologised, also wrote me an apology note, and then the DCs came in and brought me cards, flowers and chocolates. Older DCs have been instructed by DH to avoid fighting for the duration of his absence. DS1 is going to make a nice lunch and not moan about having to eat at the table!

[discotequewreck]

But why this philosophy of appreciation?

Children do not choose to come into the world, what exactly are we thanking mothers for?

For loving us? For providing us with food, warmth, protection? For not abusing us?

It is exactly this sort of thinking that allows abuse to go unchecked and unnoticed. That mothers are somehow deserving just by virtue of being a mother.

And this day is difficult for those who did have abusive mothers, mothers that neglected them or didn't love them.

[KentuckyFriedChildren]

I don't think dh actually knows that it is mother's day. The dcs don't either. I couldn't give a fig. When I was little we used to gather a bunch of daffs from the garden and make a card for my mum when she was actually home. If my children wanted to do anything for me I'd like a made card or a picture. Something they did themselves I could keep. But I don't need one today- they make them every other day of the year and I don't need to be told how much my family appreciates me. It's sad that its turned into commercial bollocks though. I was with my friend yesterday who was trawling the shops to get a present for her mum who she rarely sees and doesn't really have much of a relationship with. I asked her why she was bothering and she said because you're supposed to. Not because she wants to or because she wants to spoil her mum because she cares. I don't see how plastic tat from the card shop and a bought card can show anyone that you care more than just telling them...

[TrinityRhino]

my girls made me cards and dp took them to the shop to buy some chocolate bars for me

my 12 yr old made breakfast for me

its the first year that I didn't have to pretend to enjoy the breakfast cause she is old enough to manage to make something nice

I knew the girls were making cards for me as they always do but dp asked them if they wanted to buy me chocolate too

it was very sweet

for me mothers day is a chance for my girls to get all excited about telling me and showing me how much they love ALL YEAR ROUND

I'm losing my mum to Alzheimers and dps mum died in january so its bittersweet for us but the girls loved it

and I felt happy that my girls wanted to do it

it has never been a husband/partner test for me

.....thats my birthday

[IneedAsockamnesty]

The only thing I ever expected from a dh is that he would help kids do a cup of tea and bring it to me. So no I wouldn't let them off the hook.

[lougle]

It's about feeling special, isn't it?

I feel special. I have 3 girls and they each made me a card out of a piece of card with some glitter and a pen. I got a small box of ferrero rocher and a mug. DD1 has SN and she had potted some lovely little flowers in a small plant pot at school. DD2 had made a padded heart at school, with beautiful neat sewing and button sewn on - it's beautiful. DD3 gave me a small bunch of flowers (3).

I'm making my Mum feel special by cooking a meal for her at our house, with her favourite meat and her favourite pudding.

I don't feel any less loved and wonderful because I'm also making my Mum feel loved and wonderful, and one day I won't get that choice because she will die, won't she?

[Catchingmockingbirds]

I disagree to an extent with what you've said disco. I had an abusive mother, and although this day makes me feel sad that I missed out on having a loving mother, I still enjoy and appreciate DP and DS spoiling me today.

[noblegiraffe]

Why shouldn't DH make an effort? I might not be his mother, but I am the mother of his children. 6 weeks ago I was sliced and diced to present him with a brand new daughter so I'm not going to 'let him off the hook' as if my motherhood is nothing to do with him.

When the kids get a bit older then they can take over the breakfast and flower duties, but until then, yes, I expect him to make the effort on their behalf to appreciate my being a mother to them.

[Growlithe]

Children do not choose to come into the world, what exactly are we thanking mothers for?

Disco are you Kevin the Teenager?

[flurp]

Actually I agree with Disco a bit.
It's no hardship to love and care for my dc - it is easy and a pleasure.
It's what they deserve and what is expected of me as their mum.
(I'm still happily scoffing the thorntons chocolates they bought for me though! )

[Theicingontop]

I'd have just liked a card. Something that I can put in a little box somewhere, so I can look at the little squiggle that DS contributed in twenty years time and have an aww moment. That's all! I wasn't expecting breakfast in bed or flowers, just a token card.

And actually, it would have been fine that he hadn't bothered today, if he made an effort on my birthday.

Father's day will be spectacularly ignored this year, as will his birthday.

[Flosshilde]

I'd be quite happy with a card. I got a hand made card from nursery from DS and DH also took him out and they bought me another card and some flowers. Lovely.

What hacked me off was the assumption from DH and the ILs that I would want to spend my Sunday, at 36 weeks pregnant, squeezed round BILs tiny dining table whilst everyone worshipped MIL. We last saw them on Friday and I haven't seen my own mum for ages through no fault of either of us. No thanks. So I put my foot down and DH and DS have gone on their own. I have nothing disturbing me other than the sound of the washing machine spinning. Bliss.

[Thewhingingdefective]

I only ever expected a card from DH on behalf of my DCs when they were little babies, as it was a tough journey to motherhood and I was thrilled and proud to finally be one. Getting a Mothering Sunday card was special.

Now, my DCs make cards and gifts at school or at the childminder's and I have no expectation of DH to make a fuss.

I did get a lie in, breakfast in bed and presents today though, as it is also my birthday :)

[3monkeys]

I am having a lovely day but then rang my mother who is 200 miles away. I sent her flowers and a present from Lakeland, and after she'd said thank you for them, she asked was her card on the way yet?! I dare say my bloody sister won't have bothered to go round yet, but will remember card and present an therefore be perfect. I don't know why I bother sometimes