to think that we should all let our dh's off the hook on Mother's Day?

[pictish]

Well am I?

To put it into context, I don't think they should look to us on Father's Day either...but in truth few men seem to. In general, it's us women who hold stock by these things.

It is very nice to feel appreciated. I understand that. But Mother's Day is about appreciating your mother surely?

I can also relate to having your dh take the opportunity to let you know he appreciates you as a mother, but expectations of how elaborately he expresses this seem to be high and getting higher.

Give them a break. Your turn will come. Your grown up children will come and spend time with you on Mother's Day.

If your dh puts out for his own mum, then he's doing alright. That's what we like to see.
Your turn will come.

I wish everyone a good day tomorrow. Personally, I will be getting homemade cards and breakfast in bed, then dh and I are leaving the kids with dh's aunt, and going out to pick up some craft materials and have lunch out. He will be popping round his mum's later with a gift and a posy. No hassle, no stress.

Remember, if someone doesn't know that they are being tested, they are never going to pass.

Perspective is a good thing. xxx

[TheMaskedHorror]

I disagree.
Almost all the posts I've read about Mothers day are mums who just want a token to show that they're appreciated. No one is expecting lavish gifts.

I think its sad that so many mums here don't feel appreciated and a little token gesture from dps on behalf of young children means so much to so many.
I think its fine for those of us who do have caring dps and don't need a specific day to get little gifts, meals made etc but it seems that a lot of people don't have that and need a day like this.

[WaitingForMe]

What impresses me most about DH is the fuss that went on on Thursday night with my DSSs. They are 7 and 4 and still need directing towards making an effort for their mum. If DH didn't do it now, his ex wouldn't get anything. It's not just the card and gift, it's him teaching them to respect and appreciate their mother.

But then I like any excuse for a celebration and steak and blowjob day is honoured in my house.

[VIX1980]

Sugarice i couldnt have put it better myself.

And here i am with 8 month old ds having been awake since 7am wondering why yet again im the one wo got up last night to feed him at 3, im the one who woke up with him this morning, im the one whose just fed him, and im the one taking him swimming today all while dp has a lie in, lovely sleep and a nice restful day as his back is gone from an old slipped disc injury. Ive gone and bought into all the commercial crap that i said i despised with a passion.

Im not having a moan, it would of been lovely to be appreciated in some small way a lie in for a change on a sunday would of been lovely and enough to show me im cared about as i never ever get a lie in, he offered to make me breakfast but to be honet im quite capable of putting 2 slices of bread in the toaster myself. I just hope when fathers day rolls around he doesnt go expecting something fantastic cos he'll be really miserable if he does

[DoJo]

I will be glad when all the angst and 'woe is mum' posts about mother's day are over - if this is the only day a year where you can expect a lie-in and not to be a drudge for your family, then it's the other 364 days you need to worry about. Mother's day shouldn't be a day to make up for being a shit husband/partner/parent the rest of the year.

[ubik]

Mothering Sunday is a religious occasion.

You lot should all be at your 'mother church' instead of scoffing breakfast in bed and feeling aggrieved that DP only managed some wilted carnations from the local garage

[WitchOfEndor]

I am letting him off. The necklace I said I'd like for Mother's Day hasn't appeared, he has bought me chocolate even thought he knows I'm on a diet and asked him not to get me any more chocolate and I'm sitting eating half cooked porridge and I have just said thank you and smiled sweetly!

[EvenIfYouSeeAPoppy]

I wonder myself whether the increasing collective princessiness over weddings, Mother's Day etc. is to do, at an unconscious level, with wanting to satisfy needs to feel appreciated and at the centre of others' actions without having to rock any more fundamental boats and tackle issues of day-to-day appreciation, being prized within a relationship/community as a person with needs and ambitions and given the space to fulfil them or have them fulfilled. It's a bit of a half-baked theory atm, but I think there's something in it.

[Goldmandra]

I've had breakfast in bed (Matchmakers and lime squash), lots of cuddles from my girls and now DD1 is doing GCSE revision while DH takes DD2 to Crufts for the day.

I have had Mothering Sunday recognised by both girls in their own way and now they are doing things which make me happy while I sit in bed on MN and Hay Day. In a little while I will get up, put some washing on and start on DD1's DLA form knowing I have peace and quiet.

All is well with the world

[AThingInYourLife]

Zingzillas told DD1 it is mothers' day.

So she gave me the card she made. :)

Sweetheart.

[TantrumsAndBalloons]

I think dojo has it spot on tbh.

If you don't feel appreciated on every other day of the year, if you think this is the only day you can have a lie in or a rest, that's a bigger issue than whether or not you got flowers today

[AThingInYourLife]

"Matchmakers and lime squash"

:o

Now that is a breakfast in bed I could get on board with.

Especially if I had had a few of glasses of wine the night before.

[Emilythornesbff]

Well I like festivals/ celebrations. No, special recognised days shouldn't be the only time that ppl feel appreciated and cared for (hopefully most of us feel loved most of the time) but that doesn't mean we don't mark special occasions in some way.

[dummad]

I actually TEXTED my DH yesterday saying to sort it out because, unless nudged, he never acknowledges any special occasion. I sorted out stuff for both our DMs and grannies and I expect a bunch of flowers back for my efforts. Not a thoughtful gift though-just flowers and a bit of hoovering will do.

I see MD as being more for the mums with small kids who are getting up in the night/coming to terms with losing their figures/work all the hours/constantly need to tidy the house/clear up sick etc etc. To me it's NOT so much for the mums with grown up kids who are no longer hands on with their kids. So I come at it from a different perspective.

I agree with the testing statement though, which is why I was quite upfront with my DH - to save any tears.

[3monkeys]

I'm in bed with a coffee. All 3 have been in for a cuddle, Ds1 put the cricket on for me, and when Dd's friend goes home from her sleepover, I may get a present. Then later I will make dinner for my in-laws cos I like them while Dh and Dd are at the match :)

[Fakebook]

I'm not letting him off the hook, because there is no hook to let him off. I don't expect anything on Mother's Day from my husband. I've been getting handmade cards from dd on Mother's Day since she was a baby (was in nursery full time).
I've received another one today in which she has written for the first time.
We're sitting in the living room in our pjs watching TV, me feeling very ill with a raw throat and cold. DS slept through last night for the first time ever at 14 months and I feel less ill thanks to having a full nights sleep. These are better presents than flowers and iPads.

The day is too commercialised and people expect too much from dh's to do things on Mother's Day. You have valentines day for that.

[BumgrapesofWrath]

Actually, I think there is something in your theory, EvenIf!

And totally agree with OP.

But it might be because Mr. Bumgrapes is an all-round good egg.

[Catchingmockingbirds]

I'll be spoiling DP on Father's Day and will do my best to make sure he knows just how much he's appreciated as a dad, if he wants to do the same for me on Mother's Day then why is that wrong?

[pictish]

I am laughing out loud at "Matchmakers and lime squash".

Well I'm reading, and effectively listening, but in truth I've heard it all before. It's the same every year on here. The offence, the moaning, the hurt feelings.

I'm still flying the flag for simplifying it (if we have to have it at all) and pretty much taking dhs out of the equation.

It's all very well if it's "just a lie in, and a small token gift...not even a gift, just...you know... a suggestion of a gift in material form...nothing really" soon becomes tears over the absence of the lunch booking, or displeasure at getting the wrong merest suggestion of a gift. And what is this? He wants to go and spend the day with his mother! What am I? CHOPPED LIVER??!

And you all know it. Read the board!

I agree with what people are saying here...it is nice to rely on your dh to be thoughtful and make the effort...but someone always raises the stakes (usually the media and the retailers) and then we get the scenario above.

When I say "let them off the hook"...I think I mean "keep it simple".

[Iaintdunnuffink]

But it sounds as if you're having quite a bit of nice stuff being done for you today, similar to my day. I'm having breakfast made for me, cards and a book token and I'm very happy. Then my husband will pop over to see his mother later.

We're going to see the OZ film later but we all wanted to see it anyway and using today as an excuse. We often make each other breakfast at the weekends so even thats not some massive unusual treat. My husband will make sure the kids do a little extra tidying up today and assist with the roast.

We both have been brought up recognising Mothers and Father's Day so it's seems perfectly normal to use the day to do a bit of positive parenting and get the children to put a bit of extra effort in and show some appreciation. If my husband didn't put the effort in I wouldn't be expecting my boys to come around in 20 years time with flowers, they'd have grown up thinking it wasn't something they do. Why would I suddenly get my turn then?

I think many of the complaints about Mother's Day are because for many women its a reminder of where they stand in the pecking order. It can't be nice if every year you're not given any extra consideration but are expected to run around after your mil? At the best have a card chucked at you and then hear that tired, old line of you're not my mother. Where's the kindness?

[Growlithe]

It is weird that there have been comments about a 'made up holiday'. In this country Mothering Sunday is not at all a made up holiday. Apart from the day for 'returning to the Mother Church', the tradition of domestic servants (many of whom were still children) being given one day off to go and see their family is part of our social history.

Now, having such a day for children young and old to think about their mums is no bad thing is it? I'm thinking about my mum today. She died 14 years ago. I've become a mum to two girls myself in that time and so now really really appreciate fully what she did for me. I wish I could tell her.

I've got lovely cards full of tissue paper flowers today. My 9 year old wrote a lovely poem in hers. My 4 year old wrote 'I love you mum' by herself for the first time.

DH took them to buy presents yesterday for me. It must have been difficult for him because he only lost his own mum 4 years ago. He didn't do it because I made him, he did it because they wanted to and they are too young to go shopping themselves.

We are going to Frankie and Bennys for tea, because they love it there, so to them its obviously my favourite restaurant too. I'm pleased they will have this treat because unfortunately instead of visiting a couple of lovely nans they will be spending a couple of hours in the car this afternoon visiting cemeteries.

So yes great if you hate all these sentimental days blah blah blah to you. For me its just as important now as when those poor children got chance to see their mums years ago.

[pictish]

Well it should be there all time surely?

[Emilythornesbff]

Yes op, I agree with keeping it simple.

[flurp]

My cousins DH bought her a card from their unborn baby "from the bump" and a silver necklace!
I thought that was sweet (if a bit cheesy ) but i am a bit that it has become so commercialised that such cards exist!!!
I think any gift should be unprompted or not at all. If you tell someone to buy you a gift surely it loses something because they aren't doing it for the right reasons!!!

[MrsMushroom]

I got a handmade box from DD aged 8 and a chocolate "thing" made by DD aged 5 in school....also lovely cards handmade. DH has shot off to the shops now because he didn't manage to sort anything. I don't hold it against him but I DO think he should have managed it.

I'm not going to say "don't worry!" because I look after our DC very well and on Fathers day I make an effort. I want a frigging treat!

[Growlithe]

Pictish in an ideal world it should be there all the time yes. But as those domestic servants experienced, other things get in the way and you just can't put loved ones first 100% of the time.

Yes you should get love and respect from your children, but you don't want them to be constantly thinking of you and wanting to spend with you. You want them to be independent and have their own lives. That is why a day like today is a good thing, a chance to stop and think and if you can spend a bit of time with your mum.