to think I was wrong to have a child out of wedlock?

[TacticalWheelbarrow]

My son was born from a relationship between his dad and I when I was unmarried when we were very young. I was in my mid teens . His dad left me when he was 6 months old. Subsequent to this both of us have moved on and now we are married with different partners. My son's father seems to always be putting his children with his wife before him. Eg when my son was in hospital with a serious illness he wasn't there because his other child had their first day at school. He did not in fact visit him the whole time he was in the hospital.
Aibu to think that my son would have a more stable relationship with his father if we had been married, would my son have meant more to his dad if our relationship had been more "official".
Sorry, my son has been let down by his dad for the millionth time and I am so upset about it and trying to think of reasons why he is such an arse to him and not to his children born from the marriage to his wife.

I'm sure I shall be corrected quite liberally by everyone else - but at 14 and 16 you were both children. The people you were then are not the people you are now.

I know several who were parents at 15/16 and are damned good parents. again I know several who are in the 18-20 bracket and I despair, I really do. But it comes back to your own homelife I think. If you find you self in the gym-slip situation but you have supportive parents, generally all will be well; if you come from a dysfunctional background, then the likelihood is that life will be awful for the child.

You sound like you've made a success despite the less than ideal conditions. Don't beat yourself you over it. You havent said how old your DS is, Im guessing round 7-8? only a few more years and he'll begin to realise exactly what his bio father is.

Oh God, I am not weaving our situation into the OPs. The rest of you have been though with all your crap exes. I have merely tried to offer alternatives to jumping on the bandwagon and lynching the man on the basis of a couple of sentences.

OP, I am sorry for your situation. If I were you I would be focussing on building the relationship between your new partner and your DS.

Quite seriously I do wonder what the value is in attempting to artificially maintain a relationship that isn't there. Would your DS really care about his biological father if he wasn't encouraged? Would he not see your DH as his dad?

Your ex left when your DS was 6 months. That is not the basis for a relationship if both sides are not committed. It sounds like he has moved on, and I think you have too.

Yes we have been through this from the other perspective with a poisonous actively blocking all attempts at a relationship beyond "once a fortnight Dad". But if your ex is really one of those men who does just move on, well maybe it's kinder on your DS to let him?

Sorry, corrections.

2nd para - I think you have to as well.

3rd para - poisonous ex.

Will go and switch on laptop!

If they divorce he will probably treat his other DC just the same.

Gaelic I've said nowhere I have crap ex's.
I read the OP's post properly instead of knee jerking!

I still stand by my original questions to the OP, because men can switch off if they are only allowed to be a father when it suits the mother. Sometimes that might also be the best for all concerned.
I also think in the circumstances it is inevitable that her ex is closer to the children he has with his wife. Not because she's his wife but because he lives with them and has bonded with them. As others have said he was merely a child when he fathered her DS. I think there is too much focus on biology here. Sometimes that is the only thing people have in common and it isn't always enough.

Gaelicsheep

I couldn't of written your last post better myself.