To wonder how the hell parents coped with SN 50 years ago?

[slatternlymother]

It is heartbreaking reading about it now. Sometimes I read thread and feel so angry on the OP's behalf.

But (and this isn't an 'oooh, think how much worse it could be!' thread), it got me to thinking how hard it must've been to have a child with say, ASD or ADHD back in the 60's.

How people must've judged! And those poor children must've been really misunderstood. I bet some of them really took a hiding for their meltdowns over things

Does anyone know anyone who parented a child with SN years ago? Or were they a child with SN?

I'd be really interested to know how things have come along. I like to think that people are better educated now. If I see a child having a meltdown, I certainly don't judge.

I think this really stems from a comment from my Dad's aunt who, years ago said 'of course, you've got all these new fangled disorders coming out of the woodwork now, it's all an excuse for badly behaved little beasts...' I have 2 cousins with ASD It's always stuck with me. That attitude must've been really rife 50 years ago.

no Owl I agree, they do get more respite than natural parents, think its to keep them sweet

SIL is a foster parent

My gran, now 92, was a primary teacher from 1942-1981. When her 3rd dc was born she supplemented her income by teaching the "educationally sub normal" or in her words "70 plonkers" (in reference to iq)

She has told me some harrowing tales over the years, particularly of rural families who rarely encountered outsiders. She remembers with fondness a 12yo girl she taught (sum total of education and contact outside the family, one hour per week term time only) and her baby boy, sired by either the girl's father or brother. Other tales are of "naughty boys" running riot. On the other hand, in her full time career she regularly taught classes of mixed ability and age from 5-11, 50+ children to a class. She used the cane once early in her career due to bullying from a headmistress.

I've worked with people in their 50's and 60's with varying additional needs. Institutionalised, scared to leave the house, programmed to think that life = food+tv. Tales of sexual, physical and emotional abuse that make you feel sick. I've also had to work with carers who don't see a problem with this - up until 2006 it was company policy and seen as an excellent service by the regulatory body.

So yes, imo things have improved. There's still a long way to go, but a start has been made.

I don't find looking after my son distressing really (although he can have difficult days) but I do often find other people vile. However he also fast tracks me to the lovely people who are worth knowing so at least we don't have to waste time with idiots.

Thing have changed because parents have got together to change things. Initially it was slow (as described by say Lorna Wing) but the Internet has helped hugely. Both in terms of sharing what works and for quick access to finding out your rights (because you can guarantee your local authority won't be informing you of them.

It's very recent that people with DS and heart disease have been seen as worth treating. Remember Craig who won the first Big Brother used his winnings to pay for a friend's heart op in the states as she'd been refused NHS treatment because of her DS. Outrageous.

My friend found out her baby had DS while pregnant. She was put under enormous pressure to terminate (she refused).

I don't find it wrong that foster carers get paid or receive respite, I think it's wrong that parents generally don't get the same level of support. The one is a job though, i understand that

I realise I have posted something rather controversial very clumsily

Oh and for anyone who thinks we now live in enlightened times. Two words: Winterbourne View.

He lived in various places in Ireland - some government type hospitals, others run by the 'brothers'.

All equally full of absolute bastards.

Here UK they were state places and they were bastards but with guidelines..so somewhat curtailed. The 80's were a bit scary I think, because the bastards were dressed up as 'medical experts' and had big pads of prescriptions. At leastin the 50's, with a brother and a stick, you knew what the odds were and could get your kid and run for it

I think the hardest part of having a child with sn, for me, would be the idea that I had to rely and trust the expertise and motives of totally unconected strangers. Whilst knowing they had totally different motives to me.

My motives: child's happiness
Their motives: budgets, workload, protocol.

everyone is entitled to an opinon owl

wow I didn't know that saintly

devient I would be most interested!

owl well, I never knew that. What do you think about people who do give up their SN DC?

I think in severe cases, I can understand it tbh. I really wouldn't judge, I don't think. Until you're in that situation, and all that? I suppose you could argue that a foster carer might be more experienced and know what they're doing, and like you said; they might be more able to get respite care. What a choice to have to make though

I used to discuss this with my grandmother who couldn't understand why there seemed to be so much discussion over SN. She claimed it was a modern phenomenon.
When I asked about her classmates from her school, a small village one, she revealed 2 boys were always in the corridor outside the Headmasters office for behaviour problems, 'they refused to sit still and interrupted' and there was a couple of 'thick' children who never did learn to read or write!!
A cousin has a severely disabled child (unable to sit up unaided, communicate etc) and on being told he went to school each day said 'Oh, will he get his 'O levels?' (GCSES!!)' When told the reality said 'What do they teach then?' She was genuinely mystified!
My DH was 'in care' during the 1950/60s, I strongly suspect dyslexia, he has never been tested. He couldn't tell the time until mid teens when a decent teacher realised. He was put at the back of class and given crayons and left to it. There was never any attempt to teach him.

My brother who died in the late 1980s and who was born in 1969 had severe cerebal palsy due to poor care of my mum during labour,

He needed 24 hr a day care which he got from mum and dad, no respite, no special equipment, a crap wheelchair that led to spine problems.

He did attend a fairly good school thoughsonhad friends and a social life. He was bright, no intellectual impairment. He was lovely.

He couldn't even go to the pictures as deemed a fire hazard in his wheelchair! No special adaptions for public buildings either.

Mum and Dad shoukd have sued the hospital and they would have won and got enough money to provide an easier life but people didn't really sue then so we didn't.

It was tough but for all that he had a nice life and I still miss him....

And absolutely - where there are vulnerable people there will be bastards abusers. There for one reason only.

To think differently is naive imo.

This stories on this thread is exactly the reason I have fought - and will continue to fight - for my dyslexic son.
He was born in 2003 and he has been called slow and thicko and all the rest.
I am experienced enough now to know that no one is interested in helping so I do it myself.
He is making excellent progress.
But it's entirely down to his own hard work and doing therapies at home with us.
I wish I could say things have changed wet sen, but sadly ime.

nelly

So many sad stories here

The only people I know on a personal level who have given up their children are people who either had breakdowns, could no longer physically cope, were alcoholics and had caused the issues (FAS) or had children who needed residential care and I don't judge them really. I don't know anyone who gave them up at birth/soon after on a personal level but I know people do it. I think it must be very difficult to live with actually. I know when my daughter was diagnosed I spent everyday thinking she would be better off with someone more experienced, some older (I was 22), someone richer, someone with a supportive family, someone else other than me. Everyday i got up and I felt like someone had taken out my insides, screwed them up tightly and shoved them back into me. But everyday i put one foot in front of the other and have tried to do my best for my daughter because I love her and I get far more back from our relationship than I think people on the outside realise. She is a fun girl with a great sense of humour and she has added far more to my life than she has ever took away

I was at middle school in the 1980s and ere was a boy in my class who couldn't read when we left at 14 and the teachers knew it.
They didn't give a toss.
(And neither did his parents sadly)

hugs and respect to all those who need and deserve it, some inspiration and some statements not far from my truth

My mother was a nurse and worked with autistic children in a hospital in the 1950/1960's and yes they were locked away and the parents were not encouraged to visit.

She said it was harrowing with small children hitting their heads on the wall repeatedly and being hit by staff. She left but autism was such a little understood 'malady' as it was called then.

Also

I grew up in a village where there was a 'hospital' for the now adults of the 1960's regime and got 'used' to seeing them around but I was always traumatised by their plight.

They went through hell and it showed.

We lived in London. My brother (with severe autism) stayed at home until aged 22 when went into full-time residential care. However, as a teenager the only (?)/ most suitable school was a boarding school in Anglesea. My dad would drive him there on a Sunday night and pick him up on a Friday ecery week. My dad said he used to cry all the way home on Sundays.

see now that has reduced me to tears flang, this is exactly what they want for my DS. Now I know some do resi but I know it won't work for DS so why 'force' the issue?

Chiming in, my great grandmother had a son with downs syndrome, I never knew but read some parts of her diary and her daughter's diary which showed just how hard she fought to keep him at home in her community (east london docks iirc).

My dd has cerebral palsy caused by a mismanaged labour, im 35 and I have had people step back from me when I've told them and several ex friends who didnt want to come qnd play after she was dx. As for abandoning sick babies yes that still happens even now occasionally in NICU's where parents simply stop visiting.

I know of those who have given up severely disabled children and I know of those who have fostered or adopted SN children. I cannot judge any of them for the choices they make. We were initially told dd would be quad spastic cp and be blind and deaf, with little or no quality of life, we watched her make a remarkable recovery however I still stand by the choices I would have made.

My ds is severely autistic and in residential care. He needs 2:1 care inside and 3:1 outside because he is a danger to himself and others. He's 18 now and has been there since he was 14 and I (and his special school) could no longer cope at all. It was a just a matter of time before he hospitalised me. He came close a few times. Respite care was scant and mainly not appropriate to ds's needs as he is very violent especially around his peers. Also the disruption caused by intermittent respite meant that he was much much worse and so unsettled at home.

The staff who care for him are absolutely brilliant. I get plenty of updates about what he has been doing and see him every weekend (to take him cake and a Radiotimes). He has 2 keyworkers who have known him for a long time. It has been the best thing for him. He's had so many more opportunities and has even started his D of E Bronze award and been able to go horse riding again, which he loves.

My son is so much happier and that is what counts for me. I had so many misgivings about residential care but in the end we hit crisis point and I wish he had been able to go sooner.

I have a couple of friends in their 50s whose siblings have downs syndrome. Strangely the subject of " it was hell going out with my sibling when we were children" came up at work this morning. Zero tolerance to unusual behaviour and teasing/bullying of NT siblings seem to have been the norm from other NT children in the 60s.

devient, I have no idea what was right, I was only a child. I just remember how desperate it all was.

devient, I have no idea what was right, I was only a child. I just remember how desperate it all was.

and understable flang, I just hope to get away without it for DS, I didn't mean to offend if I have