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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be absolutely bloody furious with my DC?

128 replies

VelvetSpoon · 05/03/2013 18:54

Came home from work at 6 to find the fridge wide open thanks to either DS1 or 2. The contents were warm, meaning it has clearly been open all day. So have just spent the last 45 mins chucking the entire contents of the fridge (maybe £60 worth at a guess).

This is a fortnight after DS2 left the freezer open all night and I had to throw everything out.

Both deny it was them, neither has apolgised or gives much of a shit. I have cried because its money I can ill afford to waste, let alone that as I don't drive it is hard work restocking the fridge in one go.

They are 14 and 11 btw, so not babies.

OP posts:
Bogeyface · 06/03/2013 00:54

Just because it could get worse doesnt mean that the OP should ignore this! In fact she should make a big deal out of it to help make sure that it doesnt get worse. If you let shit like this go thebody then I am not surprised your got far far far more annoying.

Bogeyface · 06/03/2013 00:54

yours not your

crazycatlady82 · 06/03/2013 00:58

Try giving them bread and water for a fortnight stating you cant afford to replace the fridge items and see what happens...

Make sure it's brown bread...

Xx

Alonglongway · 06/03/2013 00:59

Huge sympathy - I have DDs of 15 and 12 and the 12 yr is suddenly hungry all the time and constantly checking the fridge - DD1 not long out of this stage. Our fridge has a built in alarm so this has not happened to us but can entirely see how it would. I did once have to dump some freezer stuff after an ajar door that no one owned up to. Only thing I'd have done different with my own hindsight is to see what could be cooked up immediately so they learn the food hygiene lessons - get them involved in a solution, rather than just a massive punishment that makes them clam up. We do have lots of teen chaos these days and I am trying to ensure we all learn about rescuing situations we find ourselves in!

The teen brain thing is painfully true. - this reminds me of my own 14ish brain when I managed to destroy the element in our kettle - boiling and boiling it over again with not enough water so that eventually the little in there evaporated and the element died. To this day I remember my mum's fury when she couldn't make a cup of tea after work and I had no explanation for how I was unable to fill a kettle.....

ClippedPhoenix · 06/03/2013 01:01

I totally disagree with what most of you have said and I stand by the way I interact with my son.

I know I do the right thing by feeling quite like I've been given a gift.

My son at 15 constantly takes my breath away with his insight. His empathy and far more.

I have allowed that to happen, I havent made it happen.

I have however never "punished" him or taken anything from him that he likes.

ClippedPhoenix · 06/03/2013 01:06

people have swapped corporal punishment for another kind which is equally as demeaning.

thebody · 06/03/2013 01:07

Lol I didn't bogey to be honest. Have 4 kids, 2 now 23 and 21 dss all graduated and good jobs but the usual teen bothers of drinking and stuff nothing dreadful not even an open fridge door!!!

Younger 2 dds!! well ll posted before as older one was very badly injured on a school trip last year and just about back on track with physical and psychiatric input.

Forgive me if think an open freezer door isn't actually the worst possible teenage crime and was trying to inject a bit of reality and humour to the op as we all need that to help us through those teen years.

Do you have teens bogey face?

ClippedPhoenix · 06/03/2013 01:11

Oh and i forgot to say my DS and I laugh together a lot! He does so much of what I did and remember doing. I can't actually remember where my glasses are these days by the way Grin

thebody · 06/03/2013 01:18

Clipped totally agree with your posts by the way.

My older lads just blow me away with their care and consideration for their very injured sister and younger one.

If they let us down then we didn't punish them as young adults we just showed how disappointed and let down we felt. That was that for them. It worked.

If you treat teens as kids then they act like kids.

StuntGirl · 06/03/2013 01:19

Sanctimonious much clipped?

ClippedPhoenix · 06/03/2013 01:26

Im so glad you do the same as me thebody.

We have the best and I can't begin to describe how proud I am of my son and likewise for you huh.

thebody · 06/03/2013 01:26

That's a bit unfair stunt and I usually agree with your posts

Clipped was saying what worked for her family dynamics.. That's not smug..

That's her reality and it was our approach too with our 4 and think we at least did the best that we could.

ClippedPhoenix · 06/03/2013 01:29

No im not at all what you're calling me stunt. I have just brought my child up in the manner I would have wished for myself and its paying off.

thebody · 06/03/2013 01:30

Clipped!! My youngest dd was teaching me IT skills today for a course I am doing... She called her oldest brother to ask how best to phrase instructions that I would understand!!! I overheard!!!!

That's funny!! Cheeky mare!!

ThisIsANickname · 06/03/2013 01:31

I don't know exactly how a thread about teenagers leaving a fridge/freezer open degenerated into a platform for a "my parenting choices are better than your parenting choices" debate. My word.

OP - YANBU for being angry that they were inconsiderate and did not appreciate the consequences of their actions. I think that you would be right to do something to address this situation. How you choose to do that is up to you. Whatever you do, I hope it works and you don't have to go through this kind of thing in the future.

ClippedPhoenix · 06/03/2013 01:34

Its their turn to look after you a bit huh. Grin

Oh, mum, this is how you do it!

Let's face it, they are far more technical these days.

ClippedPhoenix · 06/03/2013 01:39

I'd love to be a teen in your house thebody. You sound fab!

thebody · 06/03/2013 01:42

I think I must have mis read this thread if the ' I hope you don't have to go through this in the future' is simply about an open fridge door and consequently stroppy teens?

Really sorry if I have missed lots of drip feeds but can't be arsed to read whole thread.

If your teens are seriously not caring at all that they have hurt you and don't react to you looking upset or saying you are disappointed in them then yes to be honest you do have a problem and I hope you get some good advice.

thebody · 06/03/2013 01:46

Lol you too clipped.. Love the cheeky teen years. Your lad sounds fab too.

Sorry if that makes us sound smug.!

Fir me i am just grateful to have 4 and not 3... Light hearted thread ladies

Bogeyface · 06/03/2013 01:55

Do you have teens bogey face?

I have one former teen (now 22) a current teen (15) an almost 12 year old, and three younger ones (8,7 & 1).

My eldest has cerebal palsy due to oxygen starvation at birth, so I totally understand the "things could be worse". I let a lot go, not just with them but with life in general because when you have dealt with such things, you realise what is important. I prefer to laugh than cry.

But I personally believe that teaching them the consequences of their behaviour is important, not because I necessarily want them to tow the line, but because I know that others will. I know that if I dont do what is expected of me at work then I will be sacked. I know that if I treat others like shit then they will dump me (friends, family, DPs, whatever). I would rather teach them those lessons myself, in a loving way, than have them learn from others with hurt and suffering.

aurynne · 06/03/2013 03:15

YABVVVVU to keep chocolate bars in the fridge... It spoils the chocolate, makes it brittle, makes white marks appear on the chocolate and changes the taste of the cocoa butter. Chocolate does not need cold unless you live at an average temperature of 38C!

Signed, the self-confesses chocoholic
PhD in Chocolate Research

TantrumsAndBalloons · 06/03/2013 06:16

Hmmm....last month ds1 left the front door wide open, went to the dry cleaners, took the dog to the park, came home...and Realised what he had done.

I think sometimes teenagers are..well distracted.

But it is not on that they cannot understand why you are upset.

Do they go with you to do the shopping? Do they get involved in meal planning? Maybe that might help in teaching them the value of money and budgeting.

olgaga · 06/03/2013 07:41

OP take a look at this thread here.

deste · 06/03/2013 09:32

I think you have over reacted, I'm sure you could have saved some of the food. I am old enough to remember when no-one had a fridge. Also they probably know what your reaction will be so they are not going to admit to it. As they say, you pick your battles.

CMOTDibbler · 06/03/2013 09:41

If my fridge isn't closed properly, the light goes on and stays on, and gets really hot. We've had to chuck fridge fulls of food if this happens, and our house isn't hot.

We all make mistakes, but if they had opportunity to see it was open and didn't shut it - and most importantly aren't saying they'd been in there where the choc has obv gone - then I would be angry.

Making them go and do the shopping with you and carry it home would seem like a good intervention