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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be absolutely bloody furious with my DC?

128 replies

VelvetSpoon · 05/03/2013 18:54

Came home from work at 6 to find the fridge wide open thanks to either DS1 or 2. The contents were warm, meaning it has clearly been open all day. So have just spent the last 45 mins chucking the entire contents of the fridge (maybe £60 worth at a guess).

This is a fortnight after DS2 left the freezer open all night and I had to throw everything out.

Both deny it was them, neither has apolgised or gives much of a shit. I have cried because its money I can ill afford to waste, let alone that as I don't drive it is hard work restocking the fridge in one go.

They are 14 and 11 btw, so not babies.

OP posts:
aquashiv · 05/03/2013 22:25

wouldnt

Original poster
VelvetSpoon · 05/03/2013 22:27

Phoenix, I think if they were even a tiny bit upset, I would absolutely get where you were coming from. When I was a teen, if I had done this I would have been contrite, and mortified that I had cost my parents so much money.

However my DC seriously did not bat an eyelid. They are not upset in the slightest. Ds2 said he understood why I was annoyed (I don't actually think he did really), DS1 couldn't give a fuck, I can replace it, it doesn't matter (such is his attitude to everything).

Tonight they have done the washing up, tidied and hoovered. DS2 is replacing his home ec ingredients tomorrow (lesson is actually Thurs not Weds as we thought) with some of his Xmas money.

OP posts:
ClippedPhoenix · 05/03/2013 22:29

Well, it maybe time for a stand easy now.

ClippedPhoenix · 05/03/2013 22:32

Just know that teens would rather die than tell you they are upset or feeling in the wrong. They are though.

Punishing in my book doesn't work. Telling them that you are disappointed and upset does.

AngelWreakinHavoc · 05/03/2013 22:42

I posted before reading all replies.
This is fucking hilarious!

Seriously would all you folk chuck a full fridge worth of food away and punish your kids for an honest mistake?

I dont think for one minute any of that food was 'off' it was more the case of op being in a bad mood when she returned home so she made a scene as the fridge door was left open Hmm

Original poster
VelvetSpoon · 05/03/2013 23:06

As the one who was here to smell and see the food, it looked/smelled off to me. I certainly wasn't going to risk it, and I think most people would have done the same.

And in fact I wasn't in a bad mood up until I found out, quite the opposite.

OP posts:
RobotHamster · 05/03/2013 23:08

TheSeniorWrangler - our Hotpoint had a light that never went out. It also got very warm. If you left the door open for even 5 minutes you'd find warm yoghurts and slightly melted butter. Stupid design.

RobotHamster · 05/03/2013 23:12

All of you saying that you don't believe the food was off are just being annoying. OP has explained that the food smelled bad. If my fridge was open for a whole day then the fruit, veg and butter would be ok but all the meat and much of the dairy may not be. Just give the OP some credit perhaps?

RobotHamster · 05/03/2013 23:15

Maybe your fridge is haunted OP Wink

manticlimactic · 05/03/2013 23:18

Your freezer has a light in it? Shock

ClippedPhoenix · 05/03/2013 23:21

Maybe then you have a fridge like Robot who knows really to be fair.

If I were you I'd sort of have a think about what may truly be bothering you and how best to deal with it.

You are in a house with two teens, it's tough as one's enough!

If it's any consolation, this will pass and you will have far more to deal with. The bloody girlfriend aspect, the bloody mates aspect, the bloody exam aspect.

Leaving a fridge door open when their pants to shut at the best of absent mindedness doesn't come into it.

Being furious is not a good idea either.

what im trying to say to any mother of a teen is stop punishing. It makes matters a thousand times worse.

dementedmumof6 · 05/03/2013 23:31

playing devils advocate: Is it possible it didnt get closed properly in the morning by accident but when they came home from school they noticed was open and food was smelling bad, so decided the best thing to do would be to leave it until you came home, so that the spoiled food wouldnt have a chance to rechill and you accidently cook it.

Cassarick · 05/03/2013 23:31

clippedphoenix - give over, won't you. OP has explained enough times.

If you want to treat your DC with no punishment nor consequences, that's up to you and it will be you that rues the day.

Some of us believe in genuine discipline and guidance.

gimmecakeandcandy · 05/03/2013 23:35

Why on earth haven't you taken their tv's/computers etc away?

Kytti · 05/03/2013 23:40

there is no way they'd go to the supermarket?

Why? One of them is 14!

Take something away from them that they really care about as a punishment. Console, TV, something! Flipping heck. Mine would be straight to the shops with their own money!

LayMizzRarb · 05/03/2013 23:54

£60? Blimey, how big is your fridge and where do you shop? I just went to my fridge, and I have rib eye steak, fresh salmon, fresh chicken, salad and veg amongst other things. It would cost around £40 to restock it, tops.

ClippedPhoenix · 05/03/2013 23:55

I believe in guidance not discipline (punishment). i believe in praising the good and mostly blanking the bad. It's worked for me.

If you do that I will do this?

It's tit for tat surely?

You do something wrong I will do something wrong to show you the right way?

What a load of nonsense.

ClippedPhoenix · 06/03/2013 00:00

What if the OP said all our food is lost, how could we replace it? Im sure they would come up with an idea (you obviously would have to do that but it would make them think).

This has happened, what are "we" going to do about it?

ClippedPhoenix · 06/03/2013 00:09

Oh blimey, stop taking things away. Start acting as a group (family)

Shit, this has happened, how can we solve it? How can we all make sure the fridge is shut?

Punishment doesn't work with teens. Understanding, empathy and problems solving does.

ClippedPhoenix · 06/03/2013 00:11

problem!

abbyfromoz · 06/03/2013 00:19

Put a lock on the fridge. They can help themselves to the fruit bowl Wink

Bogeyface · 06/03/2013 00:27

their father (who is a feckless spendthrift, but we'll say no more about that...).

I think that you should think more about that. Because it seems clear to me that their total disregard of the cost/value of things comes from their father.

If they see their dad just buying stuff or giving them stuff with no regard then they will believe that everything is delivered by the fairies. They will not learn the value of money or of earning it, because they have never had to consider it. These are exactly the kind of kids who will end up aged 30 on the verge of bankruptcy thanks to loans/CC debts/overdrafts etc. You need to put it in those terms to your DH.

If you can afford it I think now would be a good time to institute pocket money and insist that if they want designer clobber or the latest Xbox game, they must save for it. And give them their pocket money on a weekly basis rather than monthly so they cant blow it on the game or whatever on day 1 and then do without for a month. They need to learn to save.

Bogeyface · 06/03/2013 00:30

You do something wrong I will do something wrong to show you the right way?

What a load of nonsense.

Or "Your actions have led to a financial loss to this family. In order to remedy that loss you must lose pocket money/do extra chores that equal the cost/give up something that costs money (xbox for eg) until the balance is restored.

It isnt punishment, it is showing them that everything costs money and that the fairies dont just replace it.

Bogeyface · 06/03/2013 00:34

Further, my conservatory is partly attached to my kitchen (yes, I know NOW!!!) so it gets very warm if there is direct sunlight on it, which there is until about 1pm every day. If our fridge door was wide open then everything would be warm. Our freezer gets the warning light on if it is left slightly ajar for more than an hour. It does happen.

thebody · 06/03/2013 00:50

They are 11 and 14...

From what i gather they left the freezer door open?

Seriously op one isn't yet a teen and the other barely there yet.

Relax chik it gets far far far more annoying....

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