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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be absolutely bloody furious with my DC?

128 replies

VelvetSpoon · 05/03/2013 18:54

Came home from work at 6 to find the fridge wide open thanks to either DS1 or 2. The contents were warm, meaning it has clearly been open all day. So have just spent the last 45 mins chucking the entire contents of the fridge (maybe £60 worth at a guess).

This is a fortnight after DS2 left the freezer open all night and I had to throw everything out.

Both deny it was them, neither has apolgised or gives much of a shit. I have cried because its money I can ill afford to waste, let alone that as I don't drive it is hard work restocking the fridge in one go.

They are 14 and 11 btw, so not babies.

OP posts:
crashdoll · 05/03/2013 19:35

YABU for throwing all the food away. YANBU to be furious.

Original poster
VelvetSpoon · 05/03/2013 19:37

The door wasn't just ajar it was wide open. I don't have heating on during the day however my kitchen is always very warm.

I couldn't take the risk with the raw meat/fish. There was a lot of cooked meats for sandwiches etc (mainly chicken) and lots of yoghurts/milk - all warm.

We don't have butter or cheese so nothing to salvage there.

All the salad type veg was going brown/limp. I probably could have saved some soft fruit, but that was about it really.

We had more perishable stuff in the fridge than normal as there was also a bag of various ingredients for ds2s home ec class tomorrow.

They are now banned from x box until one of them owns up. I suspect it may be some time.

OP posts:
dearcathyandclare · 05/03/2013 19:37

I can't believe you threw everything away, as stuff like cheese, butter eggs fruit and veg would have been absolutely fine. Even raw meat should be ok if you had cooked it properly.
But yanbu to be annoyed, kids do annoying things.

Leithlurker · 05/03/2013 19:38

Yes it is really unfair but the one who is innocent will also learn that covering up for someone else has it's own penalties.

choccyp1g · 05/03/2013 19:39

OP YANBU to chuck most of it away.

As I discovered recently, the problem with the fridge being left open is that the light stays on and actually heats it up, so you do end up having to throw away stuff that would have been fine at room temperature.

Tubegirl · 05/03/2013 19:40

Could be time to teach them about the cost of things and how to budget. They obviously don't realise how tight money is or understand what food costs. Perhaps sit them down and meal plan for a week and complile a list. Get them to guess how much each item will cost. Take them shopping with you. I guarantee they'll be surprised. I did this with dsds who thought you could do a weekly shop on £20 for four. Agree that yanbu to feel hurt by their attitude.

LadyBeagleEyes · 05/03/2013 19:42

I've done this myself before through carelessness. There's no way I'd throw the whole contents of the fridge away, though.
If it was just one day, unless you live in a really hot country, even the meat should have been ok.

olivertheoctopus · 05/03/2013 19:44

YANBU. Withhold their pocket money to restock.

badguider · 05/03/2013 19:47

Don't buy any fresh food for the rest of the week - they can live on beans on toast and dry cereal till you would normally do your next shop.
Unless either of them ownes up and apologises. But you know, they probably dont' even know they did it - it'll have been done completely unthinkingly, that's no excuse obviously but after a week of crap food they might be more thoughtful in future.

badguider · 05/03/2013 19:48

Also, at 14 and 11 it's well past time they were able to help with the shopping... make this incident a catalyst for change and them taking more responsibility, as you said yourself, they're not babies any more.

YouTheCat · 05/03/2013 19:50

Leaving a fridge/freezer door ajar is easily done. Leaving the fridge door wide open is just very very lazy.

Make them do jobs. Sell some beloved xbox games (you can trade in, I'd suggest the most recent/expensive game first). Feed them beans for a week.

lubeybooby · 05/03/2013 19:52

Oh no!

I'd have used as much as i could today, and anything like cheese will be fine so retirve it if you've chucked it.

Also get an online delivery (tesco, sainsburys and ocado are all good never had a problem with any of them)

It's absolutely essential for me as a non driver in these busy times to not have to faff about actually shopping in person... fuck that!

Anyway to answer the question - yanbu. Hope they learn a lesson.

RobotHamster · 05/03/2013 19:52

We once left the fridge door open a crack overnight and had to throw almost everything away! You'd think it would be ok but the light in the fridge had got so warm from being on so long that it was really warm in there!

I'm sure the OP isn't an idiot and wpuldnt have thrown food away unnecessarily. The issue isn't what food she was able to save, its how to stop the DC doing it again

gymmummy64 · 05/03/2013 19:53

Well if they can't be trusted to close the door then tell them they can't be trusted to open it either. So lock it. If they need snacks before you get home from work, then it will have to be non-refrigerated snacks. Boring ones. That might link cause and effect rather better than removal of playstations.

GrowSomeCress · 05/03/2013 19:55

Do we really need to tell the OP a million times about throwing the food away?
That's not the relevant point here.

olgaga · 05/03/2013 19:56

What time do they get home?

I'd start looking at the issue of available/permissible snacks prior to your arrival home from work. I know my DD is starving by the time she gets home.

A far better punishment will be making only jacket potatoes and beans available for a few days.

Have to say I've left the fridge door open myself on occasion - I didn't realise, obviously. It's not like I did it on purpose! It happens.

Adolescence is a tumultuous time - there's no point expecting a developing brain to operate the same way as one which is fully developed.

Original poster
VelvetSpoon · 05/03/2013 19:56

If I gave them pocket money I would definitely be withholding it until they'd paid me back!

What annoys me more than the waste is that they couldn't care less. Whoever said they need to learn the value of money was right. They really don't appreciate or take care of anything. They have an awful lot of material possessions (each have flatscreen TV, xbox, computer, Blackberry) and we live in a big (but slightly ramshackle) house yet because I dont drive round in a flashy 4x4 (its that sort of area), because we don't have Sky multiroom or buy them designer knock off clothes, they constantly feel hard done by, DS1 in particular.

This probably makes them sound awful children. They're not most of the time honestly :)

OP posts:
Original poster
VelvetSpoon · 05/03/2013 19:59

I think I will try and get a lock for the fridge. Or at the very least an alarm

There are always non-fridge things here for them - bread, crackers, other snacks, plus tins of soup, beans etc. so if I did lock the fridge it's not as though they would starve.

OP posts:
floweryblue · 05/03/2013 19:59

So DS2 is without his ingredients for home ec, does he get punished for that by his school? It's a start. Could you maybe explain to his home ec teacher why it has happened so she can think of a suitable punishment (essay about food waste to be written while in detention?).

I have found X Box banning an extremely effective punishment too. And as they will both have so much more free time, extra chores (hoovering, bins, window cleaning, whatever needs doing that you hate doing and know they will too).

But I also agree you have to explain just how much their carelessness has cost you all as a family. And if it was an accident, it was an accident, we've all done it, but we should all own up to our mistakes.

olgaga · 05/03/2013 20:00

each have flatscreen TV, xbox, computer, Blackberry

Blimey! So no xbox is hardly going to bother them...

Sounds like you're at your wit's end OP.

StuntGirl · 05/03/2013 20:02

It sounds like you're right, they don't appeciate the lovely expensive things you've bought them. Perhaps stop paying their blackberry's etc and start giving them pocket money to spend how they choose...if they want to top up their phone for example then they can spend their pocket money on it.

HecateWhoopass · 05/03/2013 20:02

So what are you going to sell in order to replace the food?

Grin

i'd be saying ok, since neither of you are willing to accept responsibility, then I will sell X, to get the money to replace the food.

If you decide that you want to admit who was careless, then come to me, and we will sort out 2 consequences for you. One for the carelessness and one for not owning up.

but if you choose to not admit to it, then the X gets sold.

---------

However, it is entirely possible that they just don't remember doing it.

I am sure they didn't prop the door open Grin and they both went in the fridge, I bet.

It's actually possible that they're both saying it wasn't them and meaning it, because they truly have no memory of not closing the door.

YouTheCat · 05/03/2013 20:03

Selling their games will bother them though and get you some cash back.

AnaisB · 05/03/2013 20:08

Yabu to be furious - it was an accident. The culprit can't own up because he did it without realising and similarly neither boy is covering for the other. Doors left ajar swing open on their own.

If you are worried about their general attitude involve them in food budgeting and get them to cook for the family on the limited rations you still have. if you normally have lots of meat and fish i'm sure doing withhout for a few days will give them food for thought.

WhereYouLeftIt · 05/03/2013 20:16

"They are now banned from x box until one of them owns up. I suspect it may be some time."
In which case I would consider selling the XBoxes. Yes, both of them. One is getting punished for wasting food, the other for covering for them, and both for just not caring. Proceeds to be used to restock the fridge and freezer. Both boys on boring cheap beans-on-toast type meals until the end of the month. And yes it is very harsh. But I could not accept them not caring less; hence being so harsh to drive the point home.

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