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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think the correct response to this is 'sorry'?

69 replies

freddiefrog · 04/03/2013 11:20

Our school is putting on a big production on Saturday, and I, along with a couple of other parents, have been volunteering to build scenery and props and making costumes.

Last week, the teacher who is organising it, made a major fuck up which resulted in half of the scenery we'd spent weeks making being destroyed.

The teacher in question is now lying about the circumstances of the fuck up, that any of it was her fault and blaming us (despite the head and 3 other mums witnessing it).

She's just phoned me and given me a massive bollocking over it and demanded that I go up to school 'now' to sort it out as she needs the scenery to rehearse with

She's stressed, the fuck up was as a result of her trying to do too many things at once, and I totally understand how it happened but I am completely pissed off with the rudeness of it and gutted that all our hard work has to be redone Is it just me who thinks you really don't treat the few people who are helping you so disgustingly?

We've started to rectify it, and it will be done in time for the performance, but we can't drop everything to go up there now so she'll just have to improvise (or use the scenery as it is until we can repaint it)

I'm inches away from telling her to fuck off and do it herself. She's been a nightmare with decision making and changing her mind the whole way through, so I'm sick of the whole thing anyway. My kids are taking part and enjoying it, so I'll help sort it out and make sure it's finished, but honestly, I am so angry and need a rant.

It's the last time I get involved with it

OP posts:
Lovelygoldboots · 04/03/2013 11:23

Yanbu, she needs to calm down.

HilaryClinton · 04/03/2013 11:24

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

lannyshrops · 04/03/2013 11:25

I think I would probably say "no". In fairness I would have every intention of helping to rectify the issue for the sake of my child however until the rude woman learns some manners, she could whistle in the wind, and I would tell her so. There is absolutely no excuse for that level of rudeness, from anyone. I would be rather concerned about e example she is setting to my child to be honest [hmmm]

SarkyPants · 04/03/2013 11:27

I would say...
"I'm happy to come in to try and sort this out, but I will not be spoken to like this and would ask that you speak to me more politely in future."

quesadilla · 04/03/2013 11:32

Hard to be sure without knowing exactly what happened whether it was her fault but certainly she is very unprofessional - she should take full responsibility if its her project regardless of whether it was technically her fault. Also anyone depending on volunteer goodwill should know not to squander it by doling out bollockings to people who are donating their time free.

Tee2072 · 04/03/2013 11:34

I would call her on the lying and the language. If she wants help in the future, she needs to treat her volunteers better.

I am, however, dying to know how she messed it all up! ::nosy::

Original poster
freddiefrog · 04/03/2013 11:38

I was a bit shirty with her on the phone and that we would be there at the end of school as previously arranged

I am gutted that weeks of work has been ruined in one fell swoop, and a 'shit, sorry, I fucked up' from her would have gone a long way

She didn't do it deliberately, it was an accident but she should admit her mistake.

I've since spoken to the other helpers so we'll be having words this afternoon

OP posts:
aldiwhore · 04/03/2013 11:41

Nosy here too!

When people give their time freely, unless they are themselves being more of a hinerence than a help (in which case you delegate them impossible tasks that take them 'elsewhere' - lots of fun that!) you should always be gracious.

Putting a grand idea in practice IS stressful though, so be forgiving, pleasant and polite... perhaps ocassional sarcasm would help too, if only to make you feel better.

I'm a stresshead, and have produced a few plays in my time, the gifts I've had to buy my helpers have often been more in the way of apology for my stress than a thank you (and usually a thank you for putting up with me).

YANBU to be angry and offended, but try not to take it too personally. Get on with the job, and if you're still angry AFTER the production, do say something.

Murphy0510 · 04/03/2013 11:42

I'd refuse to do any further work until she a)admitted responsibility and b) apologised for her rudeness on the phone.

Lots of teachers seem to have a bit of a knack for turning things round onto others and blaming them

atthewelles · 04/03/2013 11:43

I used to have a boss like that. She would never ever admit to making a mistake and would always be casting around looking for someone to blame. She didn't seem to realise that all she was doing was making herself look unprofessional and insecure. A quick 'sorry about that. Mea culpa' and the whole incident would have blown over in minutes. By getting defensive and chippy she just annoyed people and the incidents stayed in their minds.

This teacher sounds a bit like that. I think I would make it quite clear that I was willing to help sort our her error, but an apology and a more appreciative attitude from her were required.

fluffyraggies · 04/03/2013 11:46

Glad to hear that you will be having words along with the others this afternoon.

tell her politely but assertively that you didn't appreciate been spoken to like a child, that you think she lied, and that you feel it was her responsibility

is my advice too. But today, not when the performance is over. She sounds like a teacher i worked alongside for a couple of years. Don't let ride over you because she is a teeeeacharr, and you are a grovelling underling parent Grin

ChristmasJubilee · 04/03/2013 11:46

I would e-mail the head saying what you have said here and arrange a meeting after school tonight with the head, teacher, other volunteers and yourself to discuss the way forward. Once she apologises you can carry on with the scenery.

Original poster
freddiefrog · 04/03/2013 11:55

The scenery are wooden boards with various scenes painted on it - village, shops, hillside, inside of a house,etc, etc.

We had decided to varnish them as we'd used poster paint and it was getting a bit bashed.

But, the teacher decided she'd do it over half term, but use PVA, and somehow she ended up whitewashing half of the boards with white emulsion. I've no idea how you'd confuse PVA with emulsion, but, she's stressed, has a million things going on, so I can see that she's got herself in a bit of a state. Didn't realise what she'd done until it had dried and it hadn't gone clear, and trying to wash it off, just damaged the paint beneath. So it needs to be re-done

But, instead of putting her hands up, she's telling everyone that we told her to use the emulsion. We clearly didn't, we weren't even in school when she did it, we had no idea she was going to do it, and we had bought proper varnish to use

OP posts:
quesadilla · 04/03/2013 11:55

I would talk to her - preferably with the others - befor you go to the head. She does need to be called on it but going to the head now will inflame things.

fluffyraggies · 04/03/2013 11:57

She's saying you all told her to use emulsion paint to varnish the work?????? And so she did as she was told?????? And so it's not her fault.

I don't know weather to laugh or cry Grin

Quenelle · 04/03/2013 11:58

Is her name Mrs Laurel? Or Miss Hardy?

SarkyPants · 04/03/2013 11:58

it is quite funny :)

just be grateful that you don't have to work with her all the time :)

JaxTellerIsMyFriend · 04/03/2013 11:59

she sounds a bit loopy! I mean, confusing emulsion with varnish/PVA glue. really?

I would be fucking livid if that happened to our scenery. It isnt a 5 minute job and she has now doubled your work!

fluffyraggies · 04/03/2013 12:00

It sounds like something a 7 year old would say ...

'... but she told me to do it'

Grin

Sorry OP. Not constructive, i know.

carabos · 04/03/2013 12:00

Oh no, I wouldn't be putting up with that. Saying you told her to use emulsion? Er how old is she? 5? That's the sort of babyish lie that kids come out with. I'd call her on that, make sure you get a very clear statement from her that a)you didn't tell her to use the emulsion b) she made a mistake c) she lied. Then help her out. If she won't do the above, don't help her.

Original poster
freddiefrog · 04/03/2013 12:02

fluffy I know! I think she wasn't fully focused on what she was doing, picked up the wrong tub, and it didn't really register what she was doing I'm trying to be charitable She has got herself into a complete state over it

Even if we had told her to use the emulsion, it doesn't take the brains of a rocket scientist to realise what would happen if she did.

We will talk to her later.

Having a good rant has got it out of my system so I don't tell her to fuck off later

OP posts:
DonderandBlitzen · 04/03/2013 12:04

That's bizarre. Busy or not, how could someone think that white paint would come out clear when painted over scenery. Confused

TravelinColour · 04/03/2013 12:05

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

bumperella · 04/03/2013 12:06

I could kind of see that maybe someone told her to use "those tins in the cupboard" and she grabbed the nearest and did it without checking the label. It's her fault for not checking the label on the tin. She's doing the extra hours voluntarily, too, and I can see that she's probably pretty fed up of the whole thing.
But to call you, blame you for the mistake, and speak to you like dirt is appalling behaviour on her part.

DonderandBlitzen · 04/03/2013 12:06

Did she say "You told me to use emulsion paint." Or did she say that she thought the emulsion paint was PVA? The second would be more understandble.

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