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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to think the correct response to this is 'sorry'?

69 replies

freddiefrog · 04/03/2013 11:20

Our school is putting on a big production on Saturday, and I, along with a couple of other parents, have been volunteering to build scenery and props and making costumes.

Last week, the teacher who is organising it, made a major fuck up which resulted in half of the scenery we'd spent weeks making being destroyed.

The teacher in question is now lying about the circumstances of the fuck up, that any of it was her fault and blaming us (despite the head and 3 other mums witnessing it).

She's just phoned me and given me a massive bollocking over it and demanded that I go up to school 'now' to sort it out as she needs the scenery to rehearse with

She's stressed, the fuck up was as a result of her trying to do too many things at once, and I totally understand how it happened but I am completely pissed off with the rudeness of it and gutted that all our hard work has to be redone Is it just me who thinks you really don't treat the few people who are helping you so disgustingly?

We've started to rectify it, and it will be done in time for the performance, but we can't drop everything to go up there now so she'll just have to improvise (or use the scenery as it is until we can repaint it)

I'm inches away from telling her to fuck off and do it herself. She's been a nightmare with decision making and changing her mind the whole way through, so I'm sick of the whole thing anyway. My kids are taking part and enjoying it, so I'll help sort it out and make sure it's finished, but honestly, I am so angry and need a rant.

It's the last time I get involved with it

OP posts:

Sallyingforth · 04/03/2013 12:10

I'm not disbelieving you OP, but with these stories we only ever hear one side. It's hard to convict someone without hearing their defence.

DonderandBlitzen · 04/03/2013 12:12

Good point. I wonder what the teacher's version would be, although i think her phone call today to bollock the Op and demand she go up there was unreasonable.

Original poster

freddiefrog · 04/03/2013 12:14

We didn't tell her to use any of it. It's an out and out lie

We were planning to use varnish. We had ordered it from a local trade decorators type place (school has an account with them) and it was due in last Monday.

She had taken it upon herself to use the PVA, she knew we'd ordered the varnish, but she thought the PVA would be better

But, yes, she is finding it very hard, it's her first year of being in charge of this performance, left it very late to make decisions on the scenery so it's all been a bit of a rush job. She's been in school until late at night and is generally sick of the whole thing. I do understand, and after that initial stomach whooshing feeling when we saw what she'd done, we could see the funny side. Instead of having a giggle about it, she's just lied, then been unspeakably rude.

OP posts:

cakebar · 04/03/2013 12:15

What a numpty she is. She is making herself look very silly.

DonkeysDontRideBicycles · 04/03/2013 12:22

She is obviously panicking and hardly setting a good example to the pupils - lie, backpedal and bluster. It wouldn't help calm her down but I'd be sorely tempted to tell her, if it weren't for the DCs, you'd all be downing tools and letting her sort out the mess she's made.

As it is, grit your teeth, crack on with remedying it, stay stumm for now then after the performance let her have it.

flangledoodle · 04/03/2013 12:23

Maybe she is really not coping and this was just an outburst. I wonder when you next see her she may very well have reflected on things and apolgise before you have to raise the issue. I hope so.

WhatchaMaCalllit · 04/03/2013 12:31

If you have the contact details of any of the other parents who are giving up their personal time to decorate the sets for this play, I'd be making sure that they are aware (if they aren't already) about what is being said about them too - they are being spoken about apparently advising this teacher to use emulsion paint - which by your post they didn't do.

Then, when talking with the teacher (and I'd do this face-to-face and with plenty of independent witnesses in the room) I'd say to her

I know that you're stressed by this, we all are, we all have the same deadline to achieve but none of us deserve to be spoken to in this way.
None of us told you to do anything with the sets. You decided to do some work when the school was quiet over the mid term break. We were prepared to finish the job when the varnish arrived. I would appreciate it at this point if you could admit that you made a mistake in using the emulsion for whatever reason because without that admission, I can't see how we can work on getting these sets finished in time.

See how things go but if she talks to you in that way again, I'd actually tell her that I'd be putting my tools away and she can do what she wants with the sets but they wont be done/completed by you and do no more work on them. If she is going to be involved in putting on dramas/plays/musicals in this school in the future, I wouldn't be volunteering my time on them in the future. She has had her cards marked.

carabos · 04/03/2013 12:34

Difficult to understand how someone could qualify as a teacher when the dog ate their homework and other babyish fibs.

This has all the hallmarks of someone inexperienced, immature and over-reaching. Hopefully in 20 years time she will remember this incident and be able to laugh about it when she's mentoring young staff.

HotPinkWeaselWearingLederhosen · 04/03/2013 13:15

I think your right to vent on here, it will allow you to be reasonable later. It does sound as if the whole thing has overwhelmed her. Unfortunately it's obviously brought out the worst in her character.

ElliesWellies · 04/03/2013 13:36

"Please don't blame me because you painted over the scenery with white paint. I didn't tell you to - that is untrue. I think you owe me an apology for ruining something I had worked hard on. I know you are stressed and it was an accident, but it is unacceptable for you to talk to me like I am one of the children in your class."

YellowDinosaur · 04/03/2013 13:45

Actually Elliewellies it would be totally unacceptable for her to behave like this to one of the children in her class never mind a volunteer!

kerala · 04/03/2013 13:50

Classic no good deed goes unpunished . Over the last year I have been volunteering at school and have been about how I have been treated - not by teachers but other parents. Some treat the volunteers as if we are paid staff, barking orders and making suggestions of things we "should" be doing. I have had to bite my tongue to the point of almost having no tongue left. Running around manning a cake sale, parent swans by "you should be selling coffee" errr why dont you set that up then?!

LargeLatte · 04/03/2013 13:54

Am I the only one who thinks she had a paddy and chucked a load of paint over the scenery, then tried t I wash it off, then made up a silly story to cover. I don't know how big these pieces are but i would've thought that after finishing 'varnishing' the first one and noticing that you weren't getting the desired clear affect on the areas starting to dry.

Please excuse my over active imagination as I am bored and ill.

Callisto · 04/03/2013 13:54

She sounds appalling, utterly appalling, and if she can't time manage effectively she can't be a very good teacher (the stupidity of using emulsion instead of varnish and the inability to own up to her mistakes would also worry me if she was teaching my child).

I think that you must have the patience of a saint because if she had spoken to me like that I would have told her to fuck off.

Blu · 04/03/2013 13:56

You could easily mistake a white plastic bucket of PVA for white emulsion, you could then possibly fail to notice that PVA smells, wobbles and looks different to white emulsion.

But if you were then going to use it as a glaze you would dilute it, and PVA goes on as a thin milky wash, not white! Or did she dilute the emulsion, but still fail to spot her mistake?

Bizarre!

Sugarice · 04/03/2013 13:58

freddie I think you've managed to remain fantastically calm and well mannered about this, I'm not sure I would have been.

I hope your meeting goes well later and she apologises for her appalling behaviour!

DonderandBlitzen · 04/03/2013 14:04

LargeLatte

DonkeysDontRideBicycles · 04/03/2013 15:01

Tell us how you get on after school with the lynch mob OP.

Get well soon LargeLatte!

DoubleLifeIsALifeHalved · 04/03/2013 16:41

Gosh talk about looking a gift horse in the mouth! (thinking of which what a strange phrase, I wonder how it came to be!).

Good luck having a word with her. She can't take out her stress on you and need to be pulled up on her behaviour.

Bogeyface · 04/03/2013 16:48

www.phrases.org.uk/meanings/dont-look-a-gift-horse-in-the-mouth.html

There you go Double!

EmmelineGoulden · 04/03/2013 17:10

I think that's really worrying. What else does she lie about? If she thinks she can get away with it with parents, what does she say when a student has a complaint about her?

I'm so glad your child (and all the other children in that play) have you and the other parents involved. Think how poor their role models would be if the teacher were the only player in this drama? Hope you and the other parents can look back on this with some humour in a week or two.

DoubleLifeIsALifeHalved · 04/03/2013 17:19

Bogeyface wow thank you :) makes so much sense but only on explanation!

Yes yes re role models, she's teaching children that authority figures can be rude, inconsistent, lie and insult others... Not exactly what you'd be wanting your child to learn.

Original poster

freddiefrog · 04/03/2013 18:15

Well, we went in, one of the other mums had already spoken to the head as she was there too.

The head asked us where we felt the 'mis-communication' had been, we explained that there was nothing 'mis' about it, we'd organised to varnish it, the head knew this as she'd sanctioned the varnish purchase and as far as we were concerned we knew nothing about the PVA/emulsion decision until we came into school to start varnishing and found the newly white scenery. We certainly never told her what to use.

The teacher then burst into tears. Felt terrible as she was clearly in a state about the whole thing.

She apologised in the end, and we carried on re-painting the scenery.

We'll have a proper chat with the head next week, after the whole thing is done and dusted

OP posts:

Crinkle77 · 04/03/2013 18:19

I would tell her to f off. Who does she think she is letting someone else take the balme for her mistakes? And she has no right speaking to you like you one of the school children. I would just leave her to get on with it and report her behaviour to the head teacher

DonkeysDontRideBicycles · 04/03/2013 18:21

Think she needs to get a grip, pronto.

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