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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Random stranger in the park, can I borrow your car and drive it round the block?

78 replies

SoThisisMe · 03/03/2013 13:18

Does this sound like an odd request? Yes?

Then why get snippy when my DS wants his scooter back? He is two, not three. Asking him in a cross "why aren't you sharing" tone how old he is (are you three?!) will not make him share, nor will it make him less upset that your child is on his scooter.

Should I have made him share? DS spends all week sharing toys at his CM's house, at playgroups, then at home with his sister. WHY should he have to share his scooter, that we took to the park for him to play with, with a random child that he has never met? Why do adults expect children to share every possession they have when most of would not dream of sharing our own stuff?

I never let my DC pick up other DCs bikes, balls ect at the park, unless it is clear they are willing to play. And I didn't mind the little boy having a go, but why was his Mum so unwilling to give it back when DS asked for it?

I was Angry for DS.

OP posts:
gordyslovesheep · 03/03/2013 13:20

okay!

I don't think yabu to want your child to have his scooter back

I don't think yabu is not expecting him to share everything always

I do think yabu comparing it to a car and being quiet to cross

comedycentral · 03/03/2013 13:20

I agree with you! Did you say anything to her?

Gigondas · 03/03/2013 13:21

Yanbu- it is most odd and as you say not the same thing as sharing with a sibling, at playgroup etc.

And Angry at being annoyed at you for asking for it back.

Katienana · 03/03/2013 13:22

No way! I wouldn't allow this. If her ds fell off she would probably blame you as well.

ENormaSnob · 03/03/2013 13:23

Very disappointed to see that no one asked to drive your car around the block Grin

That would've been a good Aibu!

HollyBerryBush · 03/03/2013 13:24

Sharing is how children make friends. Can't say it would bother me if it wasnt being used, eg my child was on the swings and someone else asked to use it. Being asked to get off it to share is a different matter.

soontobeslendergirl · 03/03/2013 13:24

Sorry, but I'd have told her to fuck off and bring her own scooter next time.

TangoPurple · 03/03/2013 13:24

I had this yesterday with my dd at the park.

She'd got a big fancy toy pram as her birthday present last month, and took it with us to the park. Once there, a load of girls surrounded her, asking for a turn.

Their parents all looked on expectantly. Some even said "Just a little turn, and then give it back to the little girl" before my dd had even said anything.

So i butted in and told them no, dd's still playing with it. Maybe later.

Then when dd discarded it and ran off to the slide, the girls circled me and asked for a turn. I really wanted to say no. No idea why! But you're right, i guess. If another adult had come over and asked to borrow - for example, my coat - because i wasn't using it at that minute, i'd have refused. So why feel obliged when it's children?

For the record, i said ok. But dd came back five minutes later so i had to prise it from the girls. They'd went all the way over the muddy end of the park with it. It was filthy. Sad

soontobeslendergirl · 03/03/2013 13:25

sharing the facilities in the park that are there for everybody is a different matter.

TangoPurple · 03/03/2013 13:26

Sharing is how children make friends

Unfortunately not with my dd. Each time she takes a toy out with us, the kids come over, ask for a turn, go off themselves with it, leaving dd behind.

soontobeslendergirl · 03/03/2013 13:28

I agree Tango and strangely they never offer to share their stuff with you. My children were shy and would never have gone up to a child and asked to use their things so maybe my opinion is coloured by that. Different if they are all playing in the sand for example and each have different things to share.

MajaBiene · 03/03/2013 13:29

YANBU

Adults aren't forced to share, why should children be? I would never expect DS to share toys with a stranger and I would have taken the scooter back off the other mum firmly.

If DS has a friend round to play he has to share his toys, or ones he is unwilling to share have to be put away until the friend is gone.

I also hate forcing children to "share" something they are playing with. Taking turns - fine, but trying to make a child share a toy they are currently playing with isn't on.

SamuelWestsMistress · 03/03/2013 13:33

I'm an absolute bitch when it comes to this scenario! If my children take their own toys to the park there is no way I'd tell them to share it when another random child demands it. Nor would I let my child demand the toy from another child! There are definitely times and places for sharing and this scenario isn't one of them.

Yanbu.

Birdsgottafly · 03/03/2013 13:35

Sharing is how we teach children about living in a reciprocal society, it is an easy way of understanding how being nice, sharing etc benefits us all.

For example, we get to enjoy living in a society that provides a welfare state and how laws protect us, rather than control us.

We have learned that lesson by adulthood (in theory), so we don't need to share our possessions, but share wealth/skills etc.

If we didn't share, civilised/peaceful society would fall apart and we would be living in the equivilent of many lawless/poverty stricken terriories around the world.

Melpomene · 03/03/2013 13:35

YANBU.

It's an important part of socialisation for children to learn that some things are communal (there for everyone to share) and that other things belong to particular individuals (in which case you can ask to borrow/share it, but the other person has a right to say no.) There may be grey areas if you're visiting another child's house, for example, but you don't take things from a stranger in a public place without checking it's okay with them.

Birdsgottafly · 03/03/2013 13:37

Having said that everything doesn't have to be shared and should always be given back when asked.

So i'm sat on the fence over sharing.

Original poster
SoThisisMe · 03/03/2013 13:37

No, I didn't say anything to the Mum, I went and stood next to DS and reassured him he could have his scooter back in a second. I was just Shock when I heard her speaking to him in such an unfriendly tone whilst pulling her son along on his scooter. That and the fact she didn't give it straight back when I went to comfort Ds is what made me cross.

Yes, maybe it is going overboard to compare a scooter to a car, but I bet to DS it would feel pretty much the same.

OP posts:
pippop1 · 03/03/2013 13:38

It's just me that would worry that you wouldn't see the item again then? I must have a suspicious nature. Not so bad to let someone borrow something in a fenced in playground and if it's not being used, but in the middle of a park and you don't know the child? No way. (I live in London).

SirBoobAlot · 03/03/2013 13:40

Well, she was being unreasonable to get arsey about it, but think it would be VU not to get him to share at all. If DS takes something to the park, or to playschool, or just out generally, it is always on the understanding that he will need to share it if someone else would like to have a turn. Other people's things are always much more interesting.

TheEndTisHere · 03/03/2013 13:44

My DD was 3 just had a new bike for her birthday. A girl of about 6-7 came running over when we were at the park wanting to borrow it I said no it was to small for her, cue mother coming over telling me its fine so I told her its my DD bike and she won't be sharing it.

Slight difference in sharing expensive things if it was a bucket and spade then it would have been fine.

Chandon · 03/03/2013 13:44

No need for fence sitting.

It is very simple, IMO.

It is up to the parent of the child ( with the scooter or pram) to enforce sharing rules ( or not).

It is NOT up to the parent who wants other children to share their belongings with their child.

That is why it felt wrong OP. It would have been up to you to decide, not the stranger.

EmmelineGoulden · 03/03/2013 13:44

I think encouraging to share appropriately is a good thing. I encourage my kids to share their scooters with others in the park when they aren't using them and it looks safe to do so. But I also encourage them to hold their ground when it doesn't suit them to share. As well as sharing to be nice, kids have to learn when and how to say "no" nicely.

I would have backed my child up if another adult was telling them they ought to share - it isn't up to the adult, it's up to the owner of the scooter - that adut was out of order and I would possibly have told them so.

Still, YABU. I wanted to here about the stranger who asked to drive your car round the block.

MajaBiene · 03/03/2013 13:49

Would adults share their book in the park if someone else asked for it?

I would share a book with a friend if I wasn't using it, but not a stranger.

Why would we need to teach children to do something (share their things with strangers in public places) that they will never be expected to do again past the age of about 8?

rodandtheemu · 03/03/2013 13:51

sothis I would have told the mum to PISS off! U don't take things of random children. What if her child would have broke it? Who fixes it then?
Oh this reminds me of a thread a while back.
Yep share with friends, no need for random strangers.

ProphetOfDoom · 03/03/2013 13:51

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.