To use my title

[ArtemisatBrauron]

I have a PhD and use my title - I was thinking of just using it at work but decided consistency was best and changed it with the bank etc as well. I've recently had several snide comments about it as well as a few family members and work colleagues who continue to address me/write to me as Mrs Brauron. I haven't corrected them because it seems rude, but it annoys me - AIBU?

badbride ahem I thin I love you ... well, like you a lot

I'm a Ms, I kept my maiden name when I married, I'm the first in my family to do so and they all struggle with addressing correspondence. Its really not that challenging surely.

I'm currently completing my PhD, when I have the title I will use it formally with banks and ask (politely) that correspondence is sent to me under that title. I know colleagues who use the title in an everyday way and I know those who don't. I have a relative who worked bloody hard for her PhD and has in the past thanked me for recognising her efforts by addressing her as Dr on correspondence.

However I think that Dr being genderless will be one stonkingly big fat reason to use it as a title. I work in a male dominated industry, many of my peers are younger or my age without children, I have already seen how much eyebrows are raised that I am a mum and wife. Sigh.

I think the reason it's become an issue on here (never been one for me in RL) is because some posters think if you have a PhD you make a conscious choice to "change" your title because you think you are intellectually superior and want to shove it in people's faces. The fact that Dr is now your title seems to have ecaped some people who think you have an obligation not to use it for some reason.

"I think it's really important for women to us 'Dr' as it's so much assumed to be a male title"

Exactly - i have just posted a thread about my mums doctor and everyone assumed it was a he!!

I use it because im proud of my achievement

cally - that's exactly what I was thinking of. Two of my teachers were 'Dr' and it made me aware that women could be. And it was nice too because when we asked why they were 'Dr' not Miss or Mrs (sorry, no Ms there! ), we got an explanation of how they'd enjoyed learning about the subject they were teaching.

I do see the point some makes that it could be alienating if people think you are making out you're better than them, but I think it's possible to counter that impression in other ways, and the benefits of it outweigh the possible, easily-averted disadvantage. My 'Dr' teacher whom I knew best was very down to earth and no-one would ever have got the impression she thought her degree made her better than anyone else.

I always use my title (I've got a DPhil) when asked for it outside work. It is actually rarely used at work though, we have a lot of American customers and they don't understand what Dr Blue means, they tend to use Blue PhD so that is what we use on business cards etc. Obviously we use first names most of the time though.

My SIL has the same name as me (she changed her name when she got married, I didn't), I get more rude comments about being Dr than she does so there is a definite anti-intellectualism going on in some quarters. My lovely brother (who also has a PhD) refers to us as the 'useful' doctor (her) and the 'real' doctor (me) which is quite funny.

Completely agree that as women we have a duty to use it, although my Mum disagrees, she got very annoyed at me when I was younger because I wrote a letter to some relatives addressed Mr and Dr X. Apparently it was insulting to the man (who was a civil engineer) to give his wife her professional title

I have heard other people (on a recent Twitter argument) say that the title is alienating, LRD. But I really don't see that it is - I know very well (and this isn't false modesty) that I'm not staggeringly intelligent. I just found a subject I loved and worked bloody hard, and loads of people could do it too (subject to family/financial constraints, of course). I hope that my ordinariness shows kids that they might be able to do the same, if they want to.

God, I sound like a ponce Time to go watch Top Gear!

Oh good for you, Callycat! I completely completely agree with your stance. In fact, it has cheered me up no end.

I can't recall ever having introduced myself as Dr. Even for a presentation I'm preparing to talk about my career post PhD, I haven't put Dr on the title slide. I do have it on my bank cards as it is my title and I sound around 12 on the phone and do give it as my title when asked. Because it is my title. Which seems to have escaped HMRC who changed it to Mrs.

As for family cards, the single time I have been slightly irritated, for about 2 seconds, was at one addressed to Dr and Mrs by a relative. Like my PhD is less than his. It's never bothered DH but he's never had to handle the whole Miss/Mrs/Ms thing.

I'm not either, cally. But isn't that why it is a little alienating, because most people who are 'Dr' (medics or academics) are ordinary people who happen to have gone for a particular career. People naturally wonder what they've missed that this person has a different title from the norm.

I do agree it's good to show children they might enjoy something too and that's how I felt about my teachers who'd enjoyed research (and why I hope to get a doctorate one day).

Bollocks. If my ass went to school for anywhere half as long as you must have done I would expect the dog to use my title.

Again, I'm a medical doctor, married to another medical doctor and we very rarely use the title Dr. People knowing that you are a doctor seems to encourage them to talk about their bodily functions and request help or advice on flights and holidays. We both only use it in the workplace.

It is probably quite nice to use though if you are not going to be asked to give your opinion on 'an irritable cough' for the fifth time that week!

I'd use my title if I'd earned one. Would make me feel well posh.

I regularly use titles I'm not entitled to anyway - the Bravissimo catalogue comes address to Professor Fuckery, the Emma Bridgewater one to Lady Fuckery, etc.

If your dog can use titles he's more deserving of them than the rest of us!

Someoftheabove - lol your title, no more changes when you are awarded a doctorate than it does when you get married. dr is no more an obligation than Mrs. Also I didn't assume you were female, I said ms would apply assuming you were female. Obviously if you are not mr applies in exactly the same way. All of you who are claiming you use it because it is gender less have you also changed your names to something gender neutral? It all just smacks of people thinking they are being terribly clever by not letting on what their gender is and pointing out when people get their title "wrong" . All terribly graceless IMO. As I said work context where the quals are related to your work, absolutely fine.

The dog is a Sir, I'll have you know. hasn't got a dog..has got two shitty cats who would not piss on me if I was on fire let alone use a title

Thanks, Grendel

That's a point, LRD. It never occurred to me that people might wonder what they'd missed. I don't think the PhD is something people should consider they've missed out on - it was necessary for my career so I did it. I'm more in awe of people who can pass a bloody driving test; that has eluded me endlessly

Anyway, TG's on, so back later!

My name is gender neutral

You're using your dog under false pretences?!

cally - oh, I don't think people necessarily think like that. I think it's just like, if I knew someone hadn't been able to learn to drive because of the cost of lessons, I wouldn't bang on about my new BMW (which is as fictional as hairy's dog and a lot less clever ). So in the same way, I cringed when my dad used 'Dr' to people who obviously were alienated by it or felt they'd committed a faux pas by not knowing what it was.

It's not a huge issue, just a minor consideration IMO. It's mostly covered by the usual 'not behaving like a wanker' rules.

I have a doctorate, but don't use my title as I like being 'Mrs' much more than I like being 'Dr'.

And that's the thing LRD there seem to be several people on this thread who like to correct others or use their title to make a point, that I think is just bad manners

YANBU. Use it. I'm a dr and I use it for everything, I appreciate not having to choose between Ms and Mrs. It is a feminist thing for me as well as a worked bloody hard for it thing.

I used mine. And yes it is often assumed that dh i the Dr

goal - but IMO it does depend on the point that's being made. All titles 'make a point', after all - none is neutral.

I think using 'Dr' to make the point 'I am very important' is naff. But using it to say 'Look, this is what a medic/academic looks like - we're not just white middle-class men' could be very valuable.

I use mine when I am advocating on behalf of ds1. It helps remind 'professionals' not to patronise me. You would not believe the patronising crap you have to put up with as the mother of a severely disabled child (I am talking about desk bound professionals here - the one who actually know what they're talking about get their hands dirty don't tend to patronise.)

Indeed - but that would more generally be in a work context I would say rather than checking into a hotel or having it on your bank card