to keep insisting that the school uses our correct names?

[Aika]

When we married both my husband and I kept our maiden names, him remaining Mr X and me - Ms Y. Our daughter's name is Miss Y-X.

When filling school applications we (obviously) used correct names for all of us, however, the school seems to be very confused and keeps calling my husband either Mr Y or Mr Y-X. At first, we giggled and asked them verbally to change it. Then we called them several times and wrote increasingly more aggressive emails. Yet, every couple of weeks we receive a new letter with a new version of our names, except for the correct one. The latest was the best - Mr and Mrs Firstname Y-X.

My husband used to laugh, but now he takes offence at paying large bills with a wrong name on them.

I am probably being unreasonable, but one would have thought that in the 21st century people should be able to deal with wives and husbands having different names?

That's very interesting about maiden being gender neutral in medieval times off to Google now!

but on St Paul wouldn't he have been writing in Greek anyway?

Ok, they could alter the name on the system and and get it right.

But I couldn't get worked up about it. I kept my name when I married and so have a different name to my kids - but I still answer to Mrs X if they ring me.

I kind of feel your pain. DP and I have different surnames as that was the law in the country we got married in and DD has DP's surname. This doesn't seem to compute in France. I don't mind so much that I get called Mrs DP's surname, but, for example, when I tried to get DD's medical records from the hospital, armed with the correct forms, her passport, my passport and a copy of her birth certificate which mentioned my name, they would not give it to me as I couldn't possibly be her mum with a different surname! Ironically they let me take the child but not the records!

The 'Dr' can be annoying as well. I am Dr, DP is Mr, but I have lost count of how many times we were addressed as Dr and Mrs in the UK.

IAmLouisWalsh

There is a difference between when they ring you and when they ask you in writing to pay a big chunk of your after tax money to them.

I don't mind being called Mrs X, but my husband, strange men, doesn't like being called my name in Female gender.

Booboostoo

When I take my children out of the country they never check, but when I bring them in (British passports for kids, foreign passport for me), they always want to see the proof that I am the mother. I always find it funny having to prove that I am not smuggling British children into the UK.

why are people putting the emphasis on the fact "paying fees" is involved, that doesnt make any differnce to the childs education.

Isnt that what schools all about?

Well, isn't it because if you are making a payment, they need the correct name?

oh i see ( tried to do embarrassed smiley and failed!)

i thought people were hinting about if you are paying for something they should get it right!

"I still answer to Mrs X if they ring me. "

I still find that pretty lazy TBH. They don't just think "I'll phone Kid X's mum, I'll dial a random number and see who I get. They have to look up the records to find the number and the parent. Surely they should know who they're supposed to be phoning? They might get your mum, or your MIL, or your cleaner. If they pass you in the corridor that's different, but phoning you up involves looking up your number and phoning the right person.

idiot55 you are right about it, I guess I had to mention fees to avoid the 'schools are overstretched and don't get enough funding to worry about your names etc.' remark. Also, because bills make it a little bit more official than you usual 'Dear Parent' type of letter.

Ironically, when DD went to a state school we did not have such problem at all.

We did exactly the same as you, OP Ms M, Mr B and two little Master MBs (without a hyphen for us) we had no trouble with the school who always got it right but when we applied for a mortgage and said we were married but had different names the mortgage advisor puzzlwd us by asking for our spouses details - he had assumed we were each married to someone else!

higgle

hahahahahaha that made my day!

The titles thing is unreasonable IMHO. I don't make people use my letter in real life as it is silly. It makes sense in a professional capacity but in a family sense I think ms or mrs makes a lot more sense!

My DS's school used to ring me up and call me the wrong name, I just used to say yes- it may be lazy but it is a lot simpler.

NM, you mean Dr? But that is my title.

Not to my kids, or my window cleaner, or other people for whom I don't need a title anyway, but to people I meet in a more formal capacity where I am called Title Initial Surname, my title is Dr. If I were a Reverend, I would use the title 'Reverend', when if I am recognised by the Queen I shall call myself 'Dame'.

I understand now Aika.

I have zero experience of fee paying schools, but I completly get what you mean now.

Riled? Arf.

Would you pay your gas bill if it had the wrong name on it?

Ofcourse not

YANBU

Er - I would pay my gas bill if it had the wrong name on it. IE Mrs DH's name re Mrs My Name

Bigger picture and all that

I always think all these people who think women getting annoyed by being called by the Wrong name shouk spend some time being consistently called something else and see how they feel. Perhaps as a school knows your husband's family you won't mind if they simply change your first name to MIL's? Or perhaps you should see if it doesn't matter if your dh suddenly starts getting called mr YourMaidenName?

OP YANBU. Your name is your name for both social and legal reasons and the school Should respect that, as should everyone else you meet.

As for the ridiculous suggestion that its too much effort for people to remember how you call yourself, that's just stupid. No one struggled to remember my name before I was married. Most people seem to be able to remember my first name ok. So if I introduce myself as Bling Loving why is it that the moment they discover Dh's name they suddenly can't remember the Loving part?

Yanbu

DS's teacher keeps calling me Mrs X. I am not Mrs X. In fact, I am not Mrs anything, I am Miss Y but she can't seem to get that into her head at all, despite the fact that I have filled in all the forms for nursery and signed them.

In fact, it has taken her 5 months to even pronounce DP's surname correctly, so christ only knows what she has been calling DS.

I am going to turn up at drop-off with a fucking huge name badge one day and see if that will sink in

YANBU!!

My DD1 has mine and her dads name.

DD2 ans DS have their dads surname. The school manage to understand that and yes still call me by the correct name.

I would be questioning that the school are too stupid to teach my DC if they cannot manage to get something so basic right!!

OP slightly concerned re the reference to feminism. i am Mrs husbands name not Ms or Miss maiden name. i am a feminist. my 3DC's have been bought up this way. i dont feel that keeping my maiden name or lumbering them with name my surname-dads surname has any effect on this whatsoever. somehow those of us who are Mrs husbands name are looked at a bit sniffilly. what will happen when your child with double barrelled surname meets and enters a partnership with another double barrell. quadruple? it is a fad that has really taken off in the last 10 -15 yrs. it will probably die a natural death when all these poor lumbered kids start marrying and but will i be around to see it. good luck with your quest to get them to use the right name. how about giving them a stack of preprinted address stickers. might make the point.

YANBU A fee paying school should be getting your names correct verbally and in writing. You are the customer and they need to provide a great service and keep you happy.

I am a teacher and always ensure I address parents correctly Miss X, Dr Y, Mrs etc. I think it is important.

mummymeister In our case it is not a fad, I can assure you. Females in my family keep their names going several generations back. We've discussed which names she would give her children.

I agree that being called Mrs DH's name is compatible with being feminist, no problem at all. Each family has to decide what's right for them and it should be respected. In our case we felt very strongly that keeping our names was important, as it was different to what other females in DH's family did and our marriage was different to theirs.

Love your idea re preprinted stickers!