to keep insisting that the school uses our correct names?

[Aika]

When we married both my husband and I kept our maiden names, him remaining Mr X and me - Ms Y. Our daughter's name is Miss Y-X.

When filling school applications we (obviously) used correct names for all of us, however, the school seems to be very confused and keeps calling my husband either Mr Y or Mr Y-X. At first, we giggled and asked them verbally to change it. Then we called them several times and wrote increasingly more aggressive emails. Yet, every couple of weeks we receive a new letter with a new version of our names, except for the correct one. The latest was the best - Mr and Mrs Firstname Y-X.

My husband used to laugh, but now he takes offence at paying large bills with a wrong name on them.

I am probably being unreasonable, but one would have thought that in the 21st century people should be able to deal with wives and husbands having different names?

I like the idea of men with 'maiden names'. And YANBU.

did maiden really used to be gender neutral? when?

It would be understandable for them to verbally mix up your names but it's not good enough on written correspondence. I would agree are you complaining to the right person?
Do you think the database might only list child's surname and assume parents are always the same?

Double-barrelling is so wanky.

Pick one surname or the other. Or keep different ones. No biggie.

Yanbu, I am miss x, do is Mr y, the mad things are all first name x-y and their schools get it right. my mil deliberately gets it wrong tho

Wow, that's a bit agressive!!

Amazed at those who think the OP should suck it up.

Had the OP posted saying their names were different for cultural reasons; I'd lay odds the same posters would be falling over themselves to label the school as crass/racist/culturally insensitive.

Getting names right is an elementary courtesy. YANBU.

It matters as it is the OP's name. The school is asking for fees. The school should have the manners to get this right. Amazed at CloudsandTrees! You are far more wound up about it than the OP!

LOL about MIL

echt very good point.

If it's no biggie/non issue catinboots/Clouds, why are you so riled by it?

And, yes, our names are different both for cultural purposes and out of feminist convictions.

Anyway, as quoteunquote (I think) pointed out ages ago, families in some cultures can have many different names - dad's surname is different to mum's, and you can get four children ALL with different names - doesn't cause a problem in my job.

And why should you have to get over yourself?? It's basic good manners to address someone by their right name I would have thought?

catinboots each to their own eh?

Actually, the teachers are always excellent and always use the right names, it's the printer that always seems to get it wrong )))

I would be annoyed too. Your set up is exactly ours btw, except that DH and I are both Dr - our kids' school (also private) always addresses us right.

People do get it wrong verbally sometimes - though not usually at the school, since if there is any function like parents' evening we all get name-stickers - and if so I just let it go. But school bills etc. go to a specific person, who has filled in a specific form, and it should be correct.

And of course, it's not just double-barrellers and non-name changers that can have different names, there can be divorced parents, remarriages, families from other cultures. I'd say they could make a bit more effort - in fact I'd have expected any private school to make more effort as they need your business.

Clouds: "Do you think you are so worthy that every time they need to address you they should go and look it up to remember who is who in your differently named family?"

And do you really think they write out the bills one by one every time?

Of course it's a big deal - the school is being sloppy and unprofessional - its not Rocket science to call people by their correct names, it's simply good practice and common courtesy.

YANBU. Thanks to the power of Spanish surnames and the fact me and DS's dad never married (and he's deed poll name changed due to his mother marrying a Spanish man!) I am Miss X and DS is DS Y-X. His father i actually Xdp Y-Z!!

Hi school always manage to get it right. Although I have previously had letters addressed to Mrs Y-X and Miss Y-X from hospital consultant.

Haha NotGood You're BOTH Doctors??

Got to dig out Fawlty Towers DVD now..

Sorry, DH came home and I stopped checking the thread.

Maiden was gender-neutral in late-medieval England. So, ages ago!

But you get St Paul referring to how men should remain 'maidens' (ie., virgins).

It was only later it became gender-specific.

"Haha NotGood You're BOTH Doctors?? "

Yes... academic doctors that is. Not familiar with the Fawlty Towers reference...

Mind you, it is apparently an impossibility for a DH and DW to both be doctors, according to some flight company (might have been Ryanair, can't remember) - one of us had to fill in the form as Dr and one as Mr or Ms, the online form refused to allow both.

I used to work in admin and sending out letters with incorrect names on them was a big sin! Apologies would have to be made to the recipient.

We used to get the forms from school to make corrections over the information they held. They spelled my children's surname wrong for four years despite me changing it, calling, and even going in person to get it changed. They also said that my eldest son and I spoke cantonese at home but my youngest son and I spoke english at home. I have never spoken a word of cantonese in my life and wouldn't know where to start!

If it's really starting to annoy your husband then write a cheeky letter to the headteacher saying you're sorry to bother them but as your thousands of emails seem to be ignored by the admin staff please could they ensure the correction is made

Ahh, but notgood, it's terribly arrogant of you both to us 'Dr' as a title, what with the fact you only spent slightly longer than a medical Dr in training, and your title isn't courtesy, whereas theirs is ... imagine the cheek of you!

How hard is it to have Mr X & Mrs Y, parents of DC X-Y logged and stored on file in the schools data base.
These are people with a decent level of education & administrative skills churning out these bills and letters after all, not chimpanzees?!
YANBU