To think that healthy grandparents who live nearby and who NEVER babysit are mean?

[superstarheartbreaker]

(Hard hat on). I am lucky with my dad; he does an odd bit of babysitting and is great with dd. He works full time so he dosn't have her for sleepovers , however this weekend he is having her over for a night so that I can go out my new man. However, I have a few friends whose parents are fit, healthy, living in the locality but never babysit except for once in a blue moon and then it's on their terms. For example; one friend dosn't really get on with her mum yet her mum moved 2 minutes away and dodn't like sitting. Another friend's parents got teased by their mates for never sitting and offered to help her out provided she cooked them dinner. She told em to forget it. I generally ask my dad to have my dd over for sleep overs otherwise I have to be back by 10pm and I feel like a teen with a curfew> Not that I am grumbling as I am luckier than most. I know we shouldn't take our parents for granted and we should let them enjoy theoir retirement but surely grandparents enjoy spending time with the grandchildren and that babysitting once a fortnight or month shouldn't be too much hard work...especially if said grandchildren are in bed. I have treasured memories of spending whole aftrenoons with my granpy. Ok, they only had me overnight occasionally but the times when he sat down with me for hours and made things like fairy wings and cradboard theatres will live with me forever and we had a great realationship because of it. (sorry return key broken so no paragraphing)

I do agree that the daily grind of looking after very young children is inappropriate for most grandparents but the occasional babysitting or taking to the park wouldn't hurt. Ido think that some people use their parents too much. I was guilty of this until I realised what a cow I was being.

Well, there's the problem, isn't it? My MiL sometimes does find that babysitting the children or taking them to the park is too much for her. I'm sure she wishes it wasn't, but in practice it is.

My parents and my PILs live a good 8 hours drive away. My parents have frequently travelled down to us since the DC were babies. My Dad walked for miles with prams, took them to the park, him and my mum will take them out to the shops.
We've been on holiday with my parents and the DC, so everyone gets a holiday , time with the DC and my (lovely) cooking.

So they've been more the grandparent role than 'looking after' role if that makes sense.

My PIL don't travel to us, we have to travel to them.
They looked after my nephews 3 days a week, had their grandchildren that lived nearby for overnights and weekends, picked them up from school etc.

When we went up to see them, I was pg with my DC2, I drove the 8 hours.
We asked FIL to look after DS while DH and I went to the shops (he was looking after one of the nephews) but he was "too busy".
I never again asked them to babysit. I make all the fecking effort but they CBA doing one favour. (And they were the ones who whinged "we never see them If you lived closer we could help you look after them".
Well considering they were heavy smokers (in front of the DC) and no I didn't live closer, no thanks)

Fine

I would love to babysit DGS, but since DS and his partner split DIL has refused all requests for us to see DGS!

YABU imo.

I don't see that it's mean not to babysit.

Sometimes you have to make sacrifices as a parent.

For example only going out when you can afford a babysitter!

yabu. they did their job.

Strikes a chord with me. The pil once looked after 3 DC overnight and we never heard the end of it, they were so tired they couldn't go on, they didn't sleep well etc etc. So they don't give us a break now.

Which would be fine.... if they hadn't then decided that going on holiday all together should consist of me doing all the work while they sit around relaxing. Oh but they want the enjoyable aspects of seeing their grandchildren while I'm there in the background doing all the graft and discipline. Apparently I shouldn't expect to get a break until the children are older, and heaven forbid we go on holiday without them there to "help".

Oh and they think quality time is nonsense and what's wrong with spending time together at 9pm (after being up full pelt for 16 hours, at work etc, yeah right)

Resentful much.

If your friend did nice things for her mum and made an effort to help her mum out, then maybe her mum would return the favour.

Maybe she is moaning on nansnet her dd doesnt help her out.

Relationships are two ways.

YABU.

It is lovely if GP are happy and willing to babysit but I don't think they should feel that they have to do it.

My DM loves my DCs to bits but found the three of them together a bit wearing when they were young so didn't babysit. I paid someone if I needed a babysitter. My DM is the best Mum in the world and her not babysitting for me makes no difference. My DC's have grown up incredibly close to her.
My DCs They are mine and my DH's responsibility.

I always find it suprising that so many people think its ok to accept a favour from a GP but then don't think it is acceptable for the GP to attach some conditions.

A bet if DC who want their parents or parents in law to babysit offered to do the equivilant time gardening/cleaning or whatever for the GP's then there would be a lot more GPs willing to babysit.

That's a really nice idea, INeverSaidThat - I'm sure that would make things easier for the grandparents and be a nice opportunity for their adult children to spend time with them.

I am on the fence here.

DH's parents live nearby. His Dad still works full time in a demanding job. They aren't mean, but would be v surprised if I asked them to babysit rather than paying a babysitter. They would rather pay a babysitter than spend the evening in my house!

Can't see why thats mean.

My mother occasionally helps out with my children and I occasionally help her out (she looks after her mother and I often take her out and "babysit" her.) Quid pro quo. The thing is though, we'd do it anyway, I like to hang out with my Gran and my mother likes to spend time with the kids. Plus we both care about each other and support each other through hard times. Win win.

My in-laws don't babysit at our house generally either, we drop the kids at theirs.

I'm sorry but you sound like a child yourself. Agree, these are the tough realities of being a parent, mum up!

I have in laws who live literally 3 minutes walk away and havent visited the twins for 16 months now just because they want to teach us a lesson by not helping out. My wife never had a good relationship with her mother and thats because her mother puts her family and her brothers and sisters kids before her own kids. The father is a racist person always mentioning that he is of a far more superior race than i am he is not helping and visiting pretty much for that reason and also he says that he’s grandchildren from Daughter is not as important as grandchildren from his son, he takes care of the grandchildren of his son 24/7 taking them to the park, playing extensively, feeding, bare in mind that the wife of the brother in law is a complete unemployed person and shes just always on her phone chatting. I have been with my wife for over 14 years now and its always been a struggle to fit in to the inlaws family. It has been extremely taugh dealing with such people. My parents on the other hand love the kids and they have 9 grandchildren and they are all loved the same way, there is a lot to talk and tell but i might just start writing a book when my English gets a little beter. we have been traumatised by their actions and we now have moved on but I dont want them to think that one day there will be a reunion and everything will be sweet. Everyday that passes they fade more in our eyes and its an absolute shame that is out of our control.

I agree op,
My dc have a grandparents who do nothing for them. Only see them if dad takes then round. Thank god we have my parents. I do think they are the ones missing out and it does make me sad. Oh and we live a 2 min walk away

Really strange to click on this thread and find my own responses from 4 years ago. I have been on here too long I feel.

As a Granny, I can’t imagine not helping DD with DGS. DD was young when she had him so they lived with us until he was 6. OK it could be tiring but DH and I have an amazing bond with DGS. He is now 11 and stays with us at least 1 night a week and we love it . His other DGPs have no contact.

Just noticed date of OP !

We had babysitting maybe twice a year.

I haven't rtft, but I thinks it depends on the family. My granny (mums mum) helped my parents out a lot by looking after me while my mum worked. I had a great relationship with her and my papa, and my parents really appreciated it. My other grab (dad's mum) made it clear she wouldn't help, but was jealous of the relationship I had with my other gran. All the sweeties in the world wouldn't make the relationship the same, sorry gran. When granny went into a nursing home, we all made sure we visited regularly ( my dad, her sil) went every night, because we owed her (and loved her).
My dad is a godsend to me. He feels he should "pay forward" what my granny did for them. My mum sadly died while I was pregnant with dd1, but dad has a great relationship with my 3 kids, and allows me to work. I will always look after him, he is my family. Dhs mum isn't as close (geographically), but also isn't as interested. We are not as close.
I have accepted that my retirement will be taken up in no small part looking after my dgc (paying it forward). I agree with a pp, your children are your children regarding of what age they are, and I will always do what I can to help them.
So I think yanbu

Yanbu But you’ll be told your being u 😒

Just to reiterate.. You’re not