To think that healthy grandparents who live nearby and who NEVER babysit are mean?

[superstarheartbreaker]

(Hard hat on). I am lucky with my dad; he does an odd bit of babysitting and is great with dd. He works full time so he dosn't have her for sleepovers , however this weekend he is having her over for a night so that I can go out my new man. However, I have a few friends whose parents are fit, healthy, living in the locality but never babysit except for once in a blue moon and then it's on their terms. For example; one friend dosn't really get on with her mum yet her mum moved 2 minutes away and dodn't like sitting. Another friend's parents got teased by their mates for never sitting and offered to help her out provided she cooked them dinner. She told em to forget it. I generally ask my dad to have my dd over for sleep overs otherwise I have to be back by 10pm and I feel like a teen with a curfew> Not that I am grumbling as I am luckier than most. I know we shouldn't take our parents for granted and we should let them enjoy theoir retirement but surely grandparents enjoy spending time with the grandchildren and that babysitting once a fortnight or month shouldn't be too much hard work...especially if said grandchildren are in bed. I have treasured memories of spending whole aftrenoons with my granpy. Ok, they only had me overnight occasionally but the times when he sat down with me for hours and made things like fairy wings and cradboard theatres will live with me forever and we had a great realationship because of it. (sorry return key broken so no paragraphing)

If I am blessed to have grandchildren and good health and time, then I would consider it an honour to look after them. That sounds sicaphantic, but I really mean it.

My mum used to look after my eldest for short periods, but sadly her health has deteriorated just as I had my 2nd and then 3rd child. She would love to do more but I don't ask her as it would be unfair.

What I would add, is that just as I was/am very grateful for the time and help she has given me, I would expect a grateful smile from my child when I give their child/my grandchild back to them.

I am very lucky to have 2 wonderful gc. I babysit regularly - sometimes at short notice - I love it. I had them for 6 weeks whilst mum was recovering from major surgery (week 6 was a killer) - now dd sometimes gets someoneelse to babysit so we can go out - in fact we're all off out tonight painting the town red

My grandparents had us to stay for a week at a time regularly.

My parents and husband's parent never babysat. Actually my parents did look after my children overnight once so that we could have a weekend away. That was about 20 years ago and I still regret it. We came back early because I was ill. I think it was a stress illness because I knew that they didn't really want to have them and it was very unfair to have asked.

We will definitely look after our grandchildren when they come along if distance allows, but not on a regular childcare basis. I knew someone who looked after her grandchildren full time at great inconvience to herself. I couldn't do that, sorry.

Ultimately it's a choice.

Why does having a relationship with gps or spending time with them mean parents can't be there?

I won't ask my mum to babysit so I can go out. My mum however has paid for family holidays and dinners, taken my eldest then aged four abroad without us, taken my two eldest to sea side without us. The difference is it is that she is not doing it to help us out. She is doing it as she wants to experience these things with her grand kids. She also did it at times when my Db and dsf are around to help her out.

Not baby sitting doesn't mean anything and is not sad.

My mum actually does help us out in other ways, like support advice, presents etc. not looking after all the kids in an evening when she is always knackered due to work don't mean she don't want me to have a break. I think it would be selfish to ask her.

FirstTime. I was in a similar boat, lived less than 2 miles from my father and SM and yet they never, ever visited or spent time with the DCs. Funnily enough though, since their daughter had a child (SM's only biological GC) they're all over that one.

We moved in the end so we didn't have to live on top of it. Horrible though, isn't it.

It's not just babysitting it's lack of support.

My dcs aren't close to pil.
Pil moan about not seeing the dcs but whenever we suggest something pil always say no.
Everything always has to be on their terms. Times, dates etc. They never want to take the dcs anywhere. They only want to come to ours if I cook a five course meal for them which isn't always convenient for me.

The weather has to be perfect too, not too cold, frosty, wet, windy or hot!

To those who said gps didn't choose to become gp, well their children didn't choose to come into the world either, neither did the grandchildren.

It is selfish to not help your grown up children with their own family, if you are capable.

The OP doesn't just want the babysitting, though, she wants the GP to have the child overnight so she can shag her 'new man' and doesn't have to come back for 10PM like a 'teen with a curfew'.

Surely in a healthy parent/ child relationship then it would be natural for the GPs to help out now and then and enjoy spending time with their GC if they are able. Also not fair when their children take the piss and expect them to be on beck and call. I had a friend whose mother was going through rigorous cancer treatment and had full time care of friend's baby when she went back to work which I was little shocked at. Maybe the baby helped her mum to focus on something else but I thought it was a huge ask.

Another friend's parents got teased by their mates for never sitting and offered to help her out provided she cooked them dinner. She told em to forget it.

She wants them to do her a favour, but won't even cook them dinner? Why should they?!

I don't want those things ...expatinscotland. I HAVE those things and I am very happy to have them but some of my friends don't. I do admit that the curfew thing is annoying which is why dad has her for a sleepover occasionally or else I hire a late night sitter or she goes on a sleepover elsewhere. I employ a childminder and have paid babysitters too. There's nothing wrong with having a break from parenting. But my friends whose mum lives down the road and never helps...well that is very selfish imo.

I think she would have cooked them dinner but it was the fact that they would only do it if she cooked dinner...not because they wanted to help out their struggling single mum dd.

So like I said it is not really about the gp and dc relationship, which doesn't require baby sitting to be good.

Does your friend down the road help her mum?

I can also get that we don't understand the shine of other peoples kids barbarian but i would hope that grandparents would find their own grandchildren enchanting even when they are responsible for them once in a while. I think it's a sad that the extended family is in demise. I also find it sad that many can't be bothered with their elderly parents but i hope i will be.

Well she tells me that her mum shows no interest in even visiting the children with mum there. I agree that it isn't just about babysitting. My grandad often entertained me whilst my mum was there but it just took the onus of her and gave her a chance to relax with a coffee after a broken night. My grandad was ancient but active and I loved him for his attention. I just remember my dmus was fab but she often used to just watch me whilst I struggled with doing things such as doing up a harness or cleaning up a mess.
There was an incidednt with my dad on holiday whereby he just couldn't or wouldn't understand why I would want 10 minutes to myself to go bodyboarding in the sea. He could have diverted dd by building a snadcastle withe her or something but wou;dn't.

As others have said, there is a difference between wanting your children to have a good relationship with their GPs and wanting free babysitting. You can have a wonderful grandparent-grandchild relationship without them regularly having sole care of the child.

I suppose it was the use of the word 'mean' that annoyed me. Such a little princess word!
My dcs had relationship with grandparents all their lives- Christmas, holidays, school dos, birthdays, phone calls to Nana, wheelbarrow rides with grandad but only 4 nights babysitting in 20 years. We were always there. They didn't want the responsibility. It would have been useful (when ds2 was born they were not there for dc1- DH stayed home and I did it on my own). But I can see why. They'd had 4 of their own. They'd had enough. Grotty nappies and whining they didn't want, the enchanting bits they did. The relationship was still there- just not the responsibility and I never expected it.

I think some grandparents are (understandably) nervous about having sole charge of grandchildren for lengthy periods of time/overnight. They know parenting best practice has changed and are worried about doing something wrong.

I look after my grandchild one sometimes two days a week whilst my DD works.
I love her,but it is hard work,and I am only mid forties!
Still have my own dcs at home though so cant just collapse in heap of exhaustion as soon as she has gone.
My parents very close to my children,and I was close to my grandparents so cannot imagine not helping out.
Don't like being asked to drop everything though,on whim of my DD,which she has been known to do.

I'm lucky that my Mum will havr my DC one evening a week when I work late. I always leave a meal prepared for them, and also help out with my Grandad so my Mum gets a break.
I think refusing to cook for someone babysitting is quite selfish tbh.

My parent don't like children and wouldn't help at all,my Mil was fab..we expect our first child in Aug...I'm trying to hold back!,,,,I think it may also be different with a son or daughter,,this will be our son's first child and I don't want to I intrude

I'll often involve my mum in things, well she comes to virtually everything the kids do if I'm honest. My pil on the other hand rarely show up, they just don't seem interested. Dh has had many words with them and they can't give him a straight answer as to why they don't get involved. They do moan though that they aren't close to the kids and thatwe don't drop everything and go and visit.
We don't really need them to babysit, it would just be nice if they could show up to the odd concert every couple of years.
They have seen ds play football once in the entire 10 years he has been playing.
Fil has never seen dd2 dance, yet she dances every couple of months and has done for 10 years.

I think that people can underestimate how tiring grandparents find looking after grandchildren.

My MiL puts a brave face on it because she wants to help her daughter, but she finds lively 4 and 2 year olds too much for her. On the surface she's very fit and healthy for her age, but she struggles with the children's tantrums, worries that something's going to go wrong all the time and doesn't really have the emotional energy to look after them. She's actually phoned my DH in tears after a difficult babysitting evening. Their other granny is less well on the surface, but is much better suited to taking children to the park and letting them get on with it.