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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To expect the washing up to be done properly by people coming round to "help"?!

62 replies

Janberryxx · 26/02/2013 21:13

I've got baby twins and a four-year-old. I'm extremely lucky to have four helpers coming on different days throughout the week, two of whom are my parents. But they all leave large clods and smears of food on the washing up they are supposed to have done. I have to chuck about a third of the dishes back into the washing up bowl to be done again by DH when he gets home from work. It makes us both want to scream! It's disgustingly unhygienic.
I can't bring myself to re-educate them, I find that far too awkward and yet when I insist they leave the washing up, they insist on "helping".
WHAT CAN WE DO?!!

OP posts:
kinkyfuckery · 26/02/2013 21:14

Are you disabled and unable to do the dishes yourself?

RainbowsFriend · 26/02/2013 21:15

Get them to do other jobs and leave the washing up?

lisad123everybodydancenow · 26/02/2013 21:15

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ISeeSmallPeople · 26/02/2013 21:16

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

pooka · 26/02/2013 21:16
Biscuit
Kat101 · 26/02/2013 21:17

Buy a dishwasher and get them to do the ironing?

Fakebook · 26/02/2013 21:17

Do you make them wash up before they can hold the babies? They might be doing it out of anger.

Lucyellensmum95 · 26/02/2013 21:18

Buy a dishwasher and get them to do the ironing?

^^ This

CremeEggThief · 26/02/2013 21:21

Tricky, as everyone has different standards about washing up, haven't they? I used to (inwardly) panic if anyone visiting ever offered to wash up. "Don't be silly. You're our guest" was my code for "No. I can't trust you to do it properly".

Then I got a dishwasher :o.

yaimee · 26/02/2013 21:41

Hold back their wages until they do a proper job!

BambieO · 26/02/2013 21:42

'Extremely lucky to have four helpers' is exactly right!

I think you sound a bit ungrateful. I understand they aren't doing it correctly but in that case just ask them not to and do it yourself! You aren't the first person to have three children and have to do their own washing up I'm sure. You also have a DH who can do it if you are tired.

I assume you are working too if they are doing your washing up everyday? It doesn't take long, if you are SAHM then surely you can fit in it even just at bedtime going halves with DH? Or have the help watch the children whilst you do it?

ReluctantBeing · 26/02/2013 21:42

Really? All four people cannot wash up properly?

BambieO · 26/02/2013 21:43

In fact even if you do go to work between you and DH you can still fit it in at some point!

CoffeeChocolateWine · 26/02/2013 21:45

I had a similar problem when my DD was newborn and people offered "help" that sadly wasn't as helpful as they thought it was. You feel awful for wanting to say something when they don't have to be there and are there out of the goodness of their hearts.

What time of day do they come? I actually decided with my parents that they helped me out more if they took the kids off my hands for a bit so I could have a quick whizz around the house. So they'd take DD out for a walk for an hour in the afternoon or kept DS (4) occupied while I mopped the floor etc. They were more than happy with this!

CupidStunt48 · 26/02/2013 21:46

You sound extremely ungrateful for all the help you're getting, If your DH told me I wasn't washing the dishes correctly meaning he had to redo some when he got home frankly I'd tell him to do one.

Can you not do the dishes if it bothers you so much?

TwelveLeggedWalk · 26/02/2013 21:47

Are you me a year ago?!
We also had twins and lots of help in the early days, which was great, but neither of my parents or mIL will use our dishwasher, it's some bloody pathological fear of it. They both have one at home, so it makes no sense. Whenever either of them are here, they badly hand wash things, and I then have to play 'hunt the dirty dishes' in the cupboard. Drives me potty! I've tried saying 'just leave it!', that doesn't work either!
My pet hate is mil who will make tea in the teapot, which I never use, but not rinse it out. So I find mouldy tea bags a week later!

RaspberryRuffle · 26/02/2013 21:50

Janberry maybe you have other things they can help with? Shopping? Playing with children? When it's your parents maybe you can say sometimes you'd just like to catch up with them, ask them to make a cuppa?
FWIW DH has a relative who regularly comes to stay and cannot do the washing up but insists on doing so. I literally have to take stuff out of the cupboards and wash it again. I've told her not to so many times, and I stay up til all hours washing pots etc after dinner when she stays with us but when I'm at work she'll have breakfast and lunch and then I find spoons with weetabix in the drawer and greasy plates, so I do understand your frustration. It's just not that difficult, or so I used to think.

CloudsAndTrees · 26/02/2013 21:51

YABU to expect everyone to wash dishes the way you wash dishes. There have been loads of threads on here in the past about washing up methods, it's a very contentious subject!

You are going to have to resign yourself to the fact that some people wash up badly and do it yourself. Be proactive and ask them to do jobs that you have similar standards on.

EarnestDullard · 26/02/2013 21:51

I have a similar problem with my Mum washing dishes when she visits and not doing it properly, leaving bits of food stuck on etc. It's annoying and a bit minging when you go to make a drink and there's food stuck on the cup , but what can you do? They're doing you a favour, there's really no diplomatic way of pointing out that they're not doing it right! I've tried to tell my Mum not to do them (we have a dishwasher anyway) but she's only trying to help, so I just have to be grateful for her help and re-wash any that need it.

Smudging · 26/02/2013 21:54

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LahleeMooloo · 26/02/2013 21:58

Life is so tough sometimes :'(

SomethingOnce · 26/02/2013 21:59

YA most definitely NBU.

Disclaimer: I wash up with the thoroughness of a murderer trying to remove DNA evidence.

Mspontipine · 26/02/2013 22:00

I don't like people doing my washing up as they don't do it properly - ie coffee rings left in mugs, water not changed enough etc so I would much rather do it myself.

My mum hates me doing her washing up as I am too slow and fussy. It really annoys her that I am so thorough and keep changing the water. I'll be doing something and she'll say "that's enough that's clean enough now!!"

I used to wash up in a large hotel in my youth. I was critisised by another woman for being "too fussy!!" Confused How. Something is either clean or it isn't. There are not different shades of clean!!

SomethingOnce · 26/02/2013 22:01

There are not different shades of clean!!

^Spot on.

CoffeeChocolateWine · 26/02/2013 22:02

Crikey, some harsh reactions here! I'm assuming by "baby twins" you mean newborn/very early months OP?

Do you not remember how intense those early weeks are?? My DD is 7 months so maybe a bit fresher in my mind that some other who have commented here but the days are non-stop feeding, crying cos baby doesn't want to be put down, nappy changing, rocking baby to sleep or spending hours pacing round a park trying to get them to sleep; evenings are cluster feeding all evening, soothing screaming baby, rocking to sleep; nights are broken every 2 hours for feed and OP has got this times 2! It's very hard to get anything productive done in those early weeks...I don't think she's being Lady Muck here!