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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Surprised that friends would never travel alone?

77 replies

OnTheOpenRoad · 25/02/2013 19:12

Had to travel to Paris last week for a work meeting, but thankfully actually got to see the city too. I caught the Eurostar there and used the metro, had a fab time.

My friends were shocked that - firstly I dared to get the Eurostar by myself and secondly that I used the metro - again by myself.

I remember them being surprised that I wasn't bothered about getting a train to London by myself and using the Underground.

At least 3 of my friends were shocked and said "I could never do that" - and before people say it's to do with anxiety it really isn't, they would just never dare do something like that.

I'm not saying "wow look at me I'm so confident" - because I found it a struggle to but I like to challenge myself. Then again it's really not hard to get to a train station, look at the huge departure board and then find the platform.

It just makes me a bit sad that some people would pass up good opportunities purely because they would never do it alone even though they more than capable of doing so.

Obviously there are exceptions.

OP posts:

Ilovesunflowers · 25/02/2013 19:15

Lots of people are like this. I don't understand it either!

chandellina · 25/02/2013 19:16

Oh well, some people go to places where no foreigners for, and others never leave their village. I agree that most people should be up to the challenge of visiting a foreign city on their own, but if you've never done it it sounds daunting and over time you become ever more fearful of the unknown.

anonymosity · 25/02/2013 19:17

I also don't get it at all. Also I have a friend who won't go to the cinema alone which I think is odd (unless its obviously a highly romantic film and showing on a weekend night)

chandellina · 25/02/2013 19:17

Oh well, some people go to places where there are no foreigners, and others never leave their village. I agree that most people should be up to the challenge of visiting a foreign city on their own, but if you've never done it it sounds daunting and over time you become ever more fearful of the unknown.

chandellina · 25/02/2013 19:17

Sorry double posted

LayMizzRarb · 25/02/2013 19:19

I was bought up in the Medway Towns and commuted to town for about 5 years before I moved here. With many people, they were aghast that I would travel so far for work and say 'she works in London' in half whispers like it was hardly believable or I was going to Tokyo every day.
They were apoplectic when I went travelling around South east Asia....

Original poster

OnTheOpenRoad · 25/02/2013 19:20

but if you've never done it it sounds daunting and over time you become ever more fearful of the unknown.

Yes that's so true.

OP posts:

WorriedTeenMum · 25/02/2013 19:21

It is sad, I think that some people look at a map of outside their local area and mentally add the words here be monsters.

CarlingBlackMabel · 25/02/2013 19:22

MN is seemingly full of people who can't manage to be alone when a DH or DP is away for work, don't drive to places they are not familiar with, won't go to the cinema alone, can't bear not to be in a relationship, especially cannot attend any kind of function like a wedding except as a couple joined at the hip - including needing to be in the same table.

I have little patience with any of it.

Original poster

OnTheOpenRoad · 25/02/2013 19:22

They were apoplectic when I went travelling around South east Asia....

Haha. Very jealous, I'd love to go to South East Asia.

When my friend heards I was going to Paris by Eurostar one said

"Oh my God, aren't you scared?!" ... erm .... no?

OP posts:

Fairylea · 25/02/2013 19:22

Sigh. I'd love to travel alone. Or even have a bath alone. (Ds 8 months permanently attached to me).

GERTgert06 · 25/02/2013 19:25

I can't understand it either. If I waited to have someone to travel with, I would never go anywhere! I have been to the USA many times alone, and all over Europe since my children became too old to share my holidays. I enjoy the freedom of travelling alone.

Original poster

OnTheOpenRoad · 25/02/2013 19:26

won't go to the cinema alone, can't bear not to be in a relationship

Cinema has always struck me as odd because it's just not really a sociable thing as you are sat in the dark in silence the majority of the time.

I have a friend who has probably been single for a maximum of a month and would jump into any relationship, even ones where she was clearly not happy.

When she kept constantly complaining about one of them, saying that he was probably cheating on her too. I lost patience after about a year of it and said "have you not broken up with him because you're scared of being single" and she actually said that was one of the reasons.

OP posts:

penguin73 · 25/02/2013 19:28

I agree too - I initially found travelling abroad daunting but I was very lucky in that I was always encouraged to use that fear as a challenge to be overcome rather than as a deterrent. I still remember the day when, aged 14, I was supposed to be going to stay with a family abroad to improve my language skills and I made myself ill with worry - my parents drove me to the coach, dumped me and drove off without a backward glance so I had no choice but to go and it was the best thing that they could ever do! Since then I've always tried to take any opportunity offered to do new things, see new places, meet new people....and this doesn't mean I'm brilliantly confident and never get scared, I just think the rewards outweigh the initial fear.

As a languages teacher I find it so depressing to listen to parent after parent saying there is no point in learning a language because their child will never need to leave the UK or who wont let them take part in trips abroad 'in case something happens'. There are so many fascinating things to do and see and so much to be experienced yet parents are happy to restrict their children in this way; that makes me really sad.

happyhorse · 25/02/2013 19:28

I take DS on camping holidays alone and several female friends have said how 'brave' they think I am. I don't understand it. I also know far too many women who are limited in what they'll do on their own because they won't drive on the motorway.

DIYapprentice · 25/02/2013 19:29

Some people are terrified of travelling full stop, even with companions, others are confident enough to tackle the world on their own and very little fazes them. The rest of us muddle along somewhere in between - which means some can travel on their own in a western city with a similar system to ours, and others will only feel comfortable travelling with a companion. What's to be surprised about?

CloudsAndTrees · 25/02/2013 19:29

You must have particularly conservative friends. The majority of people I know do, or would be happy to do, this sort of travel alone. I remember one colleague telling me she would never travel alone once, but she was equally pathetic in other areas of her life.

I have traveled alone a few times for various reasons, and I've loved it, but I still wouldn't want to go to a wedding without my husbands, the two things are not even vaguely related. Not would I go to the cinema alone, but then I don't like the cinema anyway.

kerala · 25/02/2013 19:30

YANBU - weedy. Like my in-laws when we lived in London they would be all wide eyed and silent, trailing after us everywhere. And FIL used to live there .

I can trump you on Paris though - I went there alone except for 1 year old PFB. It was quite mad though and tricky practically dealing with a buggy, rucksack, baby on Eurostar and Metro (stayed with a friend who had a baby and all the baby kit) but definitely was worth it!

CockyFox · 25/02/2013 19:33

I would never go abroad alone. I would go anywhere in this country alone not bothered about trains or planes or driving on motorways. However I wouldn't go sonewhere alone that I couldn't speak the language, here I am confident I could deal with any situation but to be alone in a city where I couldn't understand or make myself understood would be very daunting. I would probably be happy to go to an English speaking country or one where I was fluent in the language.

lustybusty · 25/02/2013 19:35

I travel for work...I prefer to travel alone!! Don't have to deal with whiny colleagues, eat what I want, when I want...all very selfish!
At one place I worked, I moved house, and when I told one of the girls she was so upset I would be leaving work cos I was moving so far away... How far? 10 miles-TEN miles. And I drive!! That's a small town attitude!

Original poster

OnTheOpenRoad · 25/02/2013 19:38

You must have particularly conservative friends.

Yes perhaps you're right. But I'm sure it's not that uncommon to find or know people like this.

I know a guy in his mid 30s and he has barely travelled anywhere, not because of money but because he will only do it with a girlfriend (he has been single for 8 years now and only had one girlfriend)

I told him to do it by himself or with a friend, but he said he only wants to share these experiences with a partner.

It's sad to know that he could maybe miss seeing some wonderful sights and experiences because of this.

OP posts:

MrsMushroom · 25/02/2013 19:38

I have only been as far as London alone. I'd be scared to go abroad. I am a worrier....I worry about missing connections etc....worry about getting stuck somewhere...robbed...I can't help it it's just the way I am.

LindyHemming · 25/02/2013 19:39

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ChestyLeRoux · 25/02/2013 19:44

I agree you must have extremely conservative friends.

Tee2072 · 25/02/2013 19:45

Gosh if I didn't travel alone I'd never have moved to Northern Ireland. And I have Anxiety Disorder and Agoraphobia!

I even drove myself from the US east coast to the mid-west when I was 19 and drove myself from the mid west to the west coast when I was 25. Well, to be fair, my cat was with me when I went from Iowa to California.

I love traveling by myself. I wish I could still do it. Pesky husband and son.

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