To think lateness is the rudest thing?

[slatternlymother]

It says 'my time is more valuable than yours'.

I just don't understand this attitude where it is ok to be late. It's so flakey! And yet it seems that so many people think it's alright.

I feel like there's this perception that it's a little bit cool, and if you pick someone up for it, then you need to 'relax'.

Well, it's bloody not alright. It is RUDE.

Grr.

My mum was always late, everywhere. My sister is too. It got to the point that if we were meeting up as a family, they would be given a time half an hour earlier to meet, and would still be last to arrive. When we went to my maternal grandparents' house for birthday/festive teas, I would be the first to arrive, and then it was anyone's guess when my parents would turn up, my sister always the last. My nanna used to get quite frustrated! But we'd start without them if necessary.

I am working on being on time - it doesn't come naturally - but I try not to be more than 5 or at most 10 minutes late.

However - people who turn up really early are ruder, IMO! I won't be ready half an hour ahead of time and actually it's a REAL PITA to have to chat to you while I'm dashing around like a headless chicken getting ready for others to turn up, PLUS I now don't have the chance to change!
And when I was working from home, people who arrived 15mins+ early for appointments were just as bad - again, I won't be ready! My baby won't be ready! I have timed everything to be ready for when your appt time is, NOT 15 mins before that.

I think you can be a bit late for a party, might be odd if everyone turned up on the dot !

I like being early though, or rather on time, and not being stressed getting ready or on the journey.
DH is very reluctant to put in the time and preparation required for that to happen. I admit I can be a bit of a procrastinator too, and leave too much to the last minute (especially with getting the DC's ready too)

Remember ..... Proper Prior Preparation Prevents Piss Poor Performance

I'm rarely late ... more likely to forget to go altogether !

Juggling, I know a slightly different version of the 7 Ps - prior preparation and planning prevents piss poor performance - being somewhat anal, I looked it up and discovered there are several different versions en.wikipedia.org/wiki/7_Ps_(military_adage). No real reason for telling you that, just thought I'd share :)

Annoying. My friend invited me and my 3 kids to her home for lunch. She said to be there at 11am. We were there at 11am. I invite her and her 1 child for lunch. Told her to be here at 12pm. She turns up at 2.45. I'd planned a lovely day where we'd take the kids to the park, for a walk, etc. When she finally turned up it was too late to do anything. I held off feeding the kids as long as possible but by two they were starving. Then I felt obliged to make them food and hot drinks when they finally turned up. Which meant my kids wanted more food to eat too. As a result they didn't want dinner that night... and so it goes. She didn't even have a good excuse for being late. "Oh we got up late and just sat around watching telly." She was due here at 12pm and got up at 11.45. I told her to cancel next time. She's a good friend but is so slack with timekeeping. Her dd is frequently late for school.

my friendwas 1.5 hours l;ate for her wedding,pissed everyone off. loads there with kids. she was surprised when 80% left after the food, no one dancing and crates of wine left.

Laal - I think I'd have assumed she wasn't coming after an hour, fed the children and gone out!
That's serious piss-taking, that is.

Laal, like thumb witch has said, I too would have gone out. If she's a good friend I'd have probably given her an hour, then fed my kids, and then gone out. She sounds incredibly rude

The question about what time you arrive for a party is definitely dependent on country. In the Netherlands there is no such thing as fashionably late, just late.

Peachy - I wouldnt judge you, the time you arrive doesnt affect me however if I had some responsibility in the school then I would want to know.

LaalRatty - this is what bothers me with late visitors, it is the knock on effect. Late visitor meaning late lunch, meaning no time to go out and on and on.

If I were to give DPiL a 'window' of say 2 hours to come in they would arrive right at the end of the 2 hour window still expecting to stay and chat for the full 2 hours. This then means that the DCs dinner is late so our dinner is late and so on.

We were once invited to lunch at the house of some friends, who are well known for being faffers. We're told to arrive at 11am, only to find not only was no meal being prepared, but they hadn't even bought the food yet! We ended up eating at 6pm! Weird!

hifi - I can understand why people got fed up and left at the earliest opportunity. Some (not all) UP seem to think that once they have arrived and possibly made some small apology then all is forgiven. They forget that by their lateness they have used up goodwill. The people who were on time and kept hanging around may well feel hurt.

I will next time Thumb. This sounds all 'woe is me' but I seem to attract inconsiderate friends. I have dropped people over the years to show I'm not such a soft touch. That was her last chance though. She really took the pee that time which goes to show she is of the "Oh its only Ratty..." mindset. She often says I'm one of the best things to happen to her (I gave her a lot of help when her house was repossessed and she was on the bones of her arse) but I would never throw good deeds back in someones face. Why should I? They shouldn't need telling. But now I know my time is less important than hers I really don't want that spreading to other aspects of our friendship.
Personally I find not accepting someone's apology even more rude. I do and I don't agree with this. It really does depend what the crime is tbh. I've been told that when someone apologises the decent thing to do is accept it. But again its the perogative of the aggrieved surely? I accepted my friends apology but was clear about still being cross and hoping it doesn't happen again (without good reason). Seriously folks just cancel. Then we can get on with our plans.

My ex sis-in-law was always late. It became a family 'joke' except I never found it funny. She would show up waving bags and excuses around. It was never ever her fault either. Apparently the traffic would rearrange itself and the weather would be deliberately bad just to annoy her. She would then disrupt the event by spending a good ten minutes telling everyone WHY she was late.

One day I was in her house and we were due to leave. We had plenty of time. And about two minutes before she had to leave, she would suddenly decide to look for a missing flipflop (in January) , or have to make a non urgent phone call. And she was completely unable to adjust her behaviour. I honestly don't think she was doing it because she felt she was so important that other people would wait for her - I think it was something to do with boundaries. It would genuinely distress her when she was late but she couldn't or wouldn't alter her behaviour.

Those who don't bother with timekeeping in general how do you keep you jobs? Assuming you have them that is? It's not many contracts that state you can rock up between 9-11ish

Because different jobs require different skills holidayarmadillo. If I was managing a shop or a train company then obviously I'd be a stickler for punctuality, but that's not what I do.

As a manager I'd be angry with someone who was late for an appointment and missed it entirely but I wouldn't care if they were late and still got it done.

I'm more bothered by people who think the main priority is getting in on time. I'm very unhappy with people who can't grasp that - and there have been a few.

Obviously it's a dream it someone turns up on time, does the job well and stays until everything's done.

But most people can't do all three and in my job I'd value the last two over the first.

"Not accepting someone's apology is even more rude" - well that rather depends, doesn't it - if it's the same "Oh sorry I'm late [yet again just like every other time], you know what I'm like" then it doesn't really count as a sincere apology, does it? In which case I'd have no compunction in not accepting it. OTOH, if it's a one off and the person has genuine reasons, of course I'd accept it.

I've just remembered that I have an Indian friend who was nearly always late. She used to call it "running to Bombay Standard Time" - anything up to 2h late was acceptable, and even expected. I don't know whether or not this is true for Indians in Bombay, I've never been there - but she seemed to think it was perfectly normal. We employed similar tactics with her as with my sister and mum...

I know this is AIBU but can some of us UP's have a break?

I have struggled with the issue of deadlines and punctuality most of my life. I actually dropped a degree class because I couldn't hand in my essays on time. That hurt nobody but myself. It was not a rational response. It was not pleasurable. I was not exercising power, or privilege, or anything like that. I was probably verging on clinically depressed.

I take exception to being told that because I tend to be late for things that I am selfish, self-centred and don't care about other people. As a SAHM, I spend my days doing stuff - cooking, cleaning, washing, appointments, chauffeuring, homework help, listening ear, you name it - for other people. It always, always takes about three times as long as I think it will. Even if I tell myself it will take longer than I think, it still takes longer. Head. Bang. Wall.

I have seriously considered that maybe I need to be electrically shocked every five minutes or something, just so that my brain can get re-set. As it is, I need to be practically obsessive in checking the clock so that I don't stress myself out rushing around and royally piss off most of the rest of the world. I consider myself to have done well to keep most of my lateness to family (who are geared the same way) and the kinds of friends who give me enough leeway and know not to set rigid schedules. I never take these friends for granted.

Excuse essay. I now have approx. 7 minutes to grab a sandwich and a before I set out for parent consultation at school, which requires 5 mins walk. I hope nothing derails this tight schedule...

...logs out and switches off computer...

it doesn't really count as a sincere apology, does it? In which case I'd have no compunction in not accepting it. Well said.

Wol I have little sympathy I'm afraid. Your life sounds no busier than anyone else's. why should everyone have to cut you slack and wait around for you when you are a grown adult?

With regards to accepting lateness apologies. I would always accept an apology, but it wouldn't mean that I would meet up with that person again. I'd just stop making arrangements with them.

I think there's nothing rude in not accepting an apology you are certain isn't genuine - and if someone is reguarly late to meet you, then they don't really mean they are sorry, they aren't making the effort to be on time.

Wol I suffer from Clinical Depression. I always worry what people think of me. To me one of the easiest ways to stay in someones "good books" is to be considerate of their time. Tbh though someone say half an hour late doesn't bother me so much but someone breezily wafting in, 3 hours late, completely untroubled by their rudeness makes me angry. I don't know anyone who turns up when they say they will come to think of it.

Have a hug wol1968

As long as your lateness didn't badly affect me I'd let it go. If it did then I'd think 'oh, I can't rely on her' and not see you that often.

I wouldn't take it personally and I can't understand why other people do either.

wol1968 - you had under 10 minutes to get somewhere that's a 5 minute walk, still had to eat and you decided to type a reply on mumsnet rather than grab a banana to keep you going, spend a couple of minutes sorting your bag/coat/shoes and leaving the house at 7 minutes before you were due at the location for your meeting... That right there is why you are late. You didn't have time to type on mumsnet, you didn't have time for a sandwich and cup of tea. You only just had enough time to get to where you needed to be on time.

I rest my fucking case This made me proper laugh. I don't know why though. :o