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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think £250 is a lot for a hen do?

40 replies

nemoni · 24/02/2013 20:59

My brother is getting married this summer and I've been invited to the hen do - a weekend away. With travel, food, and accommodation (self catering, sharing a room with 2-3 girls I don't know) it will work out about £250 for me, and also involves a 5/6 hour journey and taking a day off work. School hols too. Is it just me or is this bonkers? What happened to a night out?! The stag do is also a weekend away, costs similar, and the wedding will involve travel and a night in a hotel for us and children (and all within one month). Is it unreasonable for me to think this is a lot to ask of people for a hen do?! Have given my polite apologies but am actually quite upset Sad about it.

OP posts:
missorinoco · 24/02/2013 21:00

No, YANBU, they seem so expensive now. The days of the night out seem to be long gone, although probably in part because people are so spread out that it wouldn be impractical.

GloriaPritchett · 24/02/2013 21:02

YANBU.

Uppermid · 24/02/2013 21:03

Yanbu, I agree, what happened to hen nights and stag nights? Is the prospect of getting married so bad that you need a whole weekend away or even week? It's getting ridiculous

bedmonster · 24/02/2013 21:05

Would you have gone if it was someone else/doing something else?

I just ask because a friend of mine didn't go on her SILs hen night because a) she didn't really know anyone else, b) they were going for a cocktail making lesson and then clubbing, c) she isn't at all close with her SIL and d) it was very expensive. She told her SIL that it was just too expensive as she was planning her own wedding, but later told me that she would have paid and gone if it was a different situation.

You are not wrong in thinking that it's a lot of money for a night out though, especially as it seems to be very inconvenient for you.

MumToTheBoy · 24/02/2013 21:08

I went on a hen weekend last week and it was a total cost of £200. I have had to say that because it cost so much I now can't afford to go to the wedding, which would be an additional £300. I paid a £100 deposit for the hen weekend thinking that was it, not knowing about the 'extras', or I would have said no to the hen so I could go to the wedding.

I think I'm getting old cos I feel it's very OTT and think a night out is more than enough.

Adversecamber · 24/02/2013 21:11

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
nemoni · 24/02/2013 21:12

Good question bedmonster, I think £250 is a lot to ask of anyone, quite up for the activities and did think I was quite close to my SIL but I guess for me it's also that spending £250 for a break and to share a bedroom with people I don't know when my husband and I haven't had a weekend away, nor a family holiday away, for a couple of years. That and that the combined cost of hen do, stag do and wedding starts to look like the cost of a family holiday at around £750!!!

OP posts:
JengaBlock · 24/02/2013 21:13

Did you know,I was going to say ya nbu, but then it occurred to me that I didn't know, as I have never actually been on a hen night! But if I did, I. Definitely wouldn't spend that much!

Cherriesarelovely · 24/02/2013 21:31

£250 is a huge amount of money. There is no way I could do that and I think it is VU of people to ask.

Enfyshedd · 24/02/2013 21:43

Now I have DD, my ideal plan for a hen do is a baby sitter for DD, maybe a day out and an evening meal out with my friends.

Before I had DD, my ideal plan hen do was... maybe a day out and an evening meal out with my friends.

I don't like a big fuss and I don't have a lot of friends who I would want at a hen night. In fact, half of my mates I'd like to be at my hen night are blokes anyway!!

SalopianTubes · 24/02/2013 21:48

YANBU, I recently declined an invite for a hen-do, which was a £160 for 1 night's accomodation, plus a demand for £20 contribution for the hen's night, plus cash for a gift for the hen. With travel and other expenses the night would have easily cost £250.

The invite was only text to me 9 days before the event, which makes me think someone had pulled out, and they were scrabbling around to find a replacement to help keep costs down. Angry

SilverClementine · 24/02/2013 21:54

It is a lot, YANBU. I'm going to one soon that will cost 170, but as well as celebrating a friend's marriage its also a chancfe ti hang out with people I genuinely like and do stuff that sounds fun. I've turned down invites for hen do's that were more expensive/a hassle.

I wouldn't go if I were you. You don't sound mad keen and It's a LOT of money to spend on something only out of obligation.

midastouch · 24/02/2013 21:55

YANBU that is a hell of a lot of money if you're not well off, i would never have gone, couldn't justify it!

OrangeLily · 24/02/2013 22:06

YANBU!! That's ridiculous.

I'm going on a fairly standard hen weekend soon and it's £140. Tried to wittle it down a bit cost wise but its a package deal so couldn't.

My friend has one this year which is 20 mins away from us and is costing £400 for just over 24hrs!!

twinklytoes · 24/02/2013 22:22

£400! what are you doing orangelily

I'm having to partner-up with my sister on a hen do at the end of year..prices not mentioned yet..but given the pics of the bride to be at a hen weekend this weekend on fb...it's gonna be loads. Only going so my sister doesn't have to share a room with strangers and give her some company. Sister is on best man/woman duties...has to wear a morning suit but been banned from the stag do.

expatinscotland · 24/02/2013 22:27

FAR too much. YANBU. I'd decline, too. Whatever happened to a pub crawl and a curry?

AnaisB · 24/02/2013 22:29

Yanbu - it's a lot, but i'm organising a hen party at the moment which will cost similar. I guess because we're all spread out over the country there has to be a night away involved and i want to organise something the bride will love. Very conscious of people not being able to afford it though and we did give as much notice as possible.

Quilty · 24/02/2013 22:30

YANBU

I think these type of hen do's are a bit selfish, they force people to fork out money they can't really afford either cos they feel they have to go or they feel too embarrassed to say they think its too expensive. Or if someone really can't afford it then they have to either make an excuse or the rest of the group will know how tight their finances are which is really none of anyone's business!

mameulah · 24/02/2013 22:33

YANBU - don't go!!! And don't worry about it for even one second.

AnaisB · 24/02/2013 22:34

Tbh i agree with quilty. Obvioussly i'm obliged to go to the one i'm organising, but if not and i couldn't afford it i'd just make an excuse or say i could only go for part of it.

Ruprekt · 24/02/2013 22:40

A night out should be enough.

Dh went to Italy with my father and my brothers (mental!) but he is italian so they only needed to pay flights and stayed with family.

I went to an italian restaurant for my hen night! Job done!

Picturesinthefirelight · 24/02/2013 22:40

Yrs that's a lot. £250 is about the price of an apartment at the seaside for the whole family at Easter.

Family has to come first for us.

lemontwist · 24/02/2013 22:45

I've just paid a deposit for a hen do that I reckon will end up costing about £250 in total. DH will be going on the stag do which will cost at least the same if not more. With that and two nights away to wedding plus travel and gifts we'll be paying about a grand.
We really wanted to go as its DH's best mate and he'll be an usher but its going to be a real stretch.
Its a shame they have to be so costly nowadays - I turned down 3 hen dos last year because of cost. When we got married 4 years ago we tried hard to keep our hen/stag costs down and we still both had an amazing time.

Bluelightsandsirens · 24/02/2013 22:54

Bollocks to it all

Just say no.

Seriously

bedmonster · 24/02/2013 23:00

TBH, in most cases the hen probably isn't that bothered about everyone going. Don't mean to come across as harsh, as I certainly am not implying it, but she has probably got together with her best friends and they have come up with what they most want to do, and then invited everyone else along knowing that not everybody will be able to afford it.
Personally, if it were me, I would have a hen night with 4 of my closest mates and have a chat about what we all fancied doing within an agreed budget. They would tell me straight if they didn't want to do something, or couldn't afford it.
I wouldn't ever want people to shell out loads of money because they thought they were expected to. I think some brides to be are very selfish.

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