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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to change my mind and tell him to sod off?

57 replies

Flojobunny · 23/02/2013 22:42

Damn it damn it DAMN IT!
I have just finished a self esteem course, I was scraping my life back together after being swallowed up by depression and now the guy I was seeing (yes vegan shoe cock) turned up on my doorstep looking all sexy and carefree and before I know it I had made him and brew and snogged him and .....it gets worse....taken the blame for everything that happened in our relationship ...and told him I'd see him on Monday.
Why? I mean really, why? Confused

OP posts:
YouTheCat · 23/02/2013 22:44

Cancel.

Tell him you've decided he's a twat.

Numberlock · 23/02/2013 22:46

Perhaps have some single time too until the things you learned on the course sink in? At least you've acknowledged your mistake.

YesIamYourSisterInLaw · 23/02/2013 22:52

Be strong! Write a list of all the reasons you stopped seeing each other and refer back to it...often

Original poster
Flojobunny · 23/02/2013 22:57

Reason number one - because MN told me to

But he was so funny and cute and chatted about the good times and I'm so lonely.....but I know I can't detach myself and think let the good times roll and take it for what it is, it'll only be a matter of time til I'm a crying mess pleading with him.

Yet still I haven't cancelled Monday. Someone please slap me and give me the strength to pull the plug....again.

OP posts:
YouTheCat · 23/02/2013 22:58

Funny and cute and makes you take the blame for any problems there were?

It won't end well.

Hissy · 23/02/2013 22:59

vegan shoe cock PMSL!

AgentZigzag · 23/02/2013 23:04

What's the worst that could happen? You have to tell him you're not interested at a later date?

It depends why you didn't want to see him, going on a self esteem course has maybe given you a boost and him coming round (Grin at him 'looking all sexy and carefree') has given you a second wind? (no, not that kind of wind!)

You don't sound like you want to pull the plug tbh, I can still give you a slap if you like though? Grin

AgentZigzag · 23/02/2013 23:05

'Reason number one - because MN told me to'

Oooh, I missed that bit, if MN told you to they must have had good reason unless you posted in relationships

Original poster
Flojobunny · 23/02/2013 23:13

Good reason? To tell me to LTB? You sure about that? Grin

OP posts:
YesIamYourSisterInLaw · 23/02/2013 23:31

So what were the real reasons?

Original poster
Flojobunny · 23/02/2013 23:35

No major reasons just lots of little reasons, lots of silks n strops that made our relationship seem juvenile and not worth the hassle.

OP posts:
SweetSeraphim · 23/02/2013 23:38

Come on, Flojo, he's a knob! I can remember your threads!

Original poster
Flojobunny · 23/02/2013 23:40

Grin say it like it is why don't u.

OP posts:
AgentZigzag · 23/02/2013 23:40

If it's not possible for you to take what you want from the relationship without getting involved involved, I would agree that sulks and strops are not worth the hassle of trying to ignore them while you enjoy the good bits.

How does he react to the 'crying mess, pleading with him' bit? Does he play on that and use it to his advantage?

YouTheCat · 23/02/2013 23:40

If he was sulky and stroppy in the 'honeymoon' period then he's pretty much going to get worse.

Original poster
Flojobunny · 23/02/2013 23:41

Surely the mooncup thing alone is enough to LTB? Grin

OP posts:
SweetSeraphim · 23/02/2013 23:42

I am so glad you took that in the spirit it was intended Grin

pictish · 23/02/2013 23:43

I don't remember your posts I'm sorry...but 'sulks and strops' was all I needed to hear....

Nothing good can come of that. Finito.

Original poster
Flojobunny · 23/02/2013 23:45

Not sure Agent sometimes he's realised he's pushed me to breaking point and gives me a hug and backs down. Other times he's looked at me like I'm pathetic (which I was) and said words to effect of I don't need this shit and left.
That's the thing, he's can be great and he can be bloody awful but it should have been honeymoon period and it was diverting one silly thing to the next.

OP posts:
YesIamYourSisterInLaw · 23/02/2013 23:52

Well you know the answer or you wouldn't be on here asking us to keep you strong.
I don't remember your posts but "a few strops and minor things" doesn't sound like enough to end a relationship. Your downplaying this a lot aren't you? Grin
Take off the rosé tinted spectacles and write a realistic list of reason why this guy is complete knobber

Fakebook · 23/02/2013 23:54

I also remember your threads. Did you ever meet his son? Confused

AgentZigzag · 23/02/2013 23:55

That you've said you're lonely is significant, and you shouldn't lower your expectations on that alone, especially as you've acknowledged you're not able to just keep it to a surface encounter.

I'm not sure what I think of the expression, but I think it's fine to have a 'fuck buddy' when you both know the other person is OK with keeping it on a pretty basic level with no expectations of something more.

But you're not looking for that. Having that wouldn't make you happy. And that's what the aim of the game is.

He wouldn't make you happy.

So my first post was perhaps just saying what you wanted posters to say, thinking that he was a different person who could tick all the boxes for you, when he can't?

AgentZigzag · 23/02/2013 23:56

'Take off the rosé tinted spectacles'

I like that Grin

DioneTheDiabolist · 24/02/2013 00:00

Flojo, you say that things made your r'ship seem juvenile and not worth the hassle.

Maybe you need to separate the two things. Is juvenile really that bad? What's wrong with having a shallow, easy, fun time with someone? Have a laugh, nothing too deep, a bit of fun. Recognize it for what it is and enjoy it for a bit.

Or recognize it for what it is and realize that its not what you want now and is stopping you from getting what you want.

DioneTheDiabolist · 24/02/2013 00:01

And is too much hassle.
Forgot to put that bit in.Blush

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