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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to change my mind and tell him to sod off?

57 replies

Flojobunny · 23/02/2013 22:42

Damn it damn it DAMN IT!
I have just finished a self esteem course, I was scraping my life back together after being swallowed up by depression and now the guy I was seeing (yes vegan shoe cock) turned up on my doorstep looking all sexy and carefree and before I know it I had made him and brew and snogged him and .....it gets worse....taken the blame for everything that happened in our relationship ...and told him I'd see him on Monday.
Why? I mean really, why? Confused

OP posts:
Original poster
Flojobunny · 24/02/2013 09:34

I did meet his DS just before Xmas, then 2 days later we had a row about a plastic plate. To be fair it was more my row than his, I popped to the loo and he had let DD open one of her presents from under the tree. I was less than amused and he did the 'I don't need this shit' routine and that time I didn't beg him to return and threw myself in to Xmas and kept busy.

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HecateWhoopass · 24/02/2013 09:38

i know I always say this, but why not write a list of all the bad things? All the nasty things he said or did? All the ways he made you feel bad?

Then, when you're tempted to let him back in, read it.

And re this time - text him and say "I'm cancelling monday. I realised I'm using you because I'm bored and not because I actually want to be with you, and that's not fair to you. I think it's best if you don't contact me again."

DontmindifIdo · 24/02/2013 09:41

oh I remember you and your knobber of a boyfriend. Is this the one who told you he was only with you because his ex didn't want him and didn't want you to touch him/show any sign you were together in a pub because his ex was in the bar? The one who wanted to play happy families/step dad with your DD but didn't want you to have contact with his DS? The car show guy? (appologies if I've got the wrong one)

text him now if you're not feeling brave enough to call, saying you've thought about it more with a clear head and think you need to be on your own for a few months and you are cancelling your Monday date.

Then do spend a few months on your own, tell yourself not a single date with anyone until after May day bank holiday at least, you need to process this and get the habit of crap head fuck man out of your system and avoid confusing your DD anymore.

Or not, and we'll see you in a couple of weeks with your next thread about him.

PessaryPam · 24/02/2013 10:01

He sounds like an abuser and at the moment he's a bit bored so he thought he would come back and torture you a bit more. Please don't let him.

Original poster
Flojobunny · 24/02/2013 10:02

Yes that's him.

OP posts:
FutTheShuckUp · 24/02/2013 10:17

This has been ongoing for quite a while as far as my memory serves me correctly- why will you never listen to anyones advice?

ChairmanWow · 24/02/2013 10:21

He's not my ex is he? Grin. Seriously I went out with a guy like this. Was second best to his ex, no public displays of affection and sometimes very few private ones. Drove me completely mad so I kept trying to please him thinking I needed to 'earn' his affection. I was probably really whiny and pathetic, I don't like the person I became when I was with him. And at the end of it I was the one who was dumped. 18 months single, sorted my shit out and now partnered up happily for almost 9 years. Sorry to make this about me, just wanted you to see that relationships like this involve you doing all the giving and getting very little back. Your self-esteem will suffer as a result.

What will happen if you see him tomorrow? Do you think you could cope with a fling or will it slide back into a very unhealthy sounding relationship? You've already started working on your self-esteem, don't undo that progress, take some time out to consolidate on it then get out there in a few months and knock 'em dead!

Littleturkish · 24/02/2013 10:23

OMG that WANKER???

No no no.

He does not like you! He is using you!

Do what hectate said and do it now.

There are heaps of lovely lovely men out there- why waste more time with one you already know is not right for you??

AKissIsNotAContract · 24/02/2013 10:29

Oh yes, I remember turdy-nobchops. I'll come round on Monday and tell him to fuck off on your behalf if you like :)

Original poster
Flojobunny · 24/02/2013 16:39

Now that I would pay to see Akiss
Fut in my defense I did LTB for a couple of months, I did listen Grin
And...I sent the text. 'I have decided to cancel Monday'.
No replies. Don't expect one.

OP posts:
SoleSource · 24/02/2013 17:09

What is a vegan shoe cock??

MadamFolly · 24/02/2013 17:44

Good job Flojo

If he asks why just send "because you are a twat"

AgentZigzag · 24/02/2013 18:13

Or maybe 'because you are a turdy-nobchops' would be a good one as well MF? Grin

[bleargh] at the shit/nob/mouth combo, even though it made me laugh.

SoleSource · 24/02/2013 18:18

Turdy nob chops!! Grin

LunaticFringe · 24/02/2013 18:22

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AgentZigzag · 24/02/2013 18:27

In fact Flojo, add a bit more and it would be a good sabotage technique for you, 'You can fuck right off now I've remembered what a turdy-nobchopped twat you really are'.

Job done.

He'll never darken your door again Grin

AgentZigzag · 24/02/2013 18:30

Just out of interest AKiss, did you make T-NC up, or is it what goes for a bit of banter down your way? Grin

AKissIsNotAContract · 24/02/2013 18:43

I made it up. I think it rather suits this chap though.

Original poster
Flojobunny · 24/02/2013 19:10

Think you might be right Akiss

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Original poster
Flojobunny · 24/02/2013 19:11

Never have I seen the word Twat used so much!

OP posts:
AgentZigzag · 24/02/2013 20:34

I can think of a few chaps who'd be summed up nice and neatly by it AKiss Grin

Only because I'm being nosy Flojo, but what does a self esteem course entail? Sounds really interesting.

Original poster
Flojobunny · 24/02/2013 22:17

It was ran at a local 'women's centre' so all women, bout 10 of us and a nice lady who ran it. We looked at assertiveness and how to be more assertive, watched video clips of scenarios deciding if they were being assertive or passive or aggressive or passive/aggressive.
Discussed 'No.' being a complete sentence and role played ways of saying No without guilt or backing down.
One session I had to draw a big picture of myself and write all my positive points on it and read it out "I am....., I am......" and mean it. I opted out of this, it was too much for me.
We discussed characteristics of 'impossible' people (those who damage your self esteem) and how you can't change them, you can opt to accept them or cut them out your life.

OP posts:
Bluestocking · 24/02/2013 22:25

Well done for cancelling on Mr Wankbadger.
Would it be very wrong of me to ask for a quick recap of the Vegan Shoe Cockery?

MardyPants · 24/02/2013 23:11

'i know I always say this, but why not write a list of all the bad things? All the nasty things he said or did? All the ways he made you feel bad?

Then, when you're tempted to let him back in, read it.'

Nah. When you're tempted to let him back in, give him the list. And then shut the door.

HecateWhoopass · 25/02/2013 07:14

Grin far better, mardy!