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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be upset my DH won't watch OBEM with me..?

68 replies

Guntie · 21/02/2013 12:13

I am 23 weeks and labour is on my mind... I asked my DH if he would watch last nights episode of OBEM with me and he flat refused.

It wasn't that he wanted to watch something else, he was just really rude about the show and said there was no way he was going to watch it.

The thing is that he can't handle blood/hospitals/needles/anything of the sort and its making me feel kind of anxious. Anxious that he won't be able to support me at the time and he won't know the first thing that is going on when we are in the hospital.

Also, I am fairly certain that he is pretty grossed out by pregnancy and birth and him refusing to watch the show felt like a real slap in the face. As if childbirth was so horrific I was being so unreasonable to try and get him to watch it with me.

He said he would read a book which is all well and good. It might contain all the information he needs, I don't know. But if it would make me feel more at ease if he just watched one episode with me, why wouldn't he?

AIBU to think he could have just watched the show with me if it would help me feel less anxious?

In the end he left the house a minute before the show started to make sure there was no chance he could be forced to watch any of it.

I fully accept I could be being unreasonable, as I am pregnant and am probably more sensitive than usual.

OP posts:
gordyslovesheep · 21/02/2013 12:16

I think yabu to expect him to watch it yes

bubbles1231 · 21/02/2013 12:17

my OH is really sqeamish. He says 12 years on he is still traumatised thinking back to me giving birth (both really straight forward no complications)
Your DH will be there when it really matters. Don't worry.

WorraLiberty · 21/02/2013 12:17

Oh I don't know.

I've given birth 3 times and nothing about that show interests me I'm afraid...I find myself switching over even if it's on in the background.

Let him read up on pregnancy and birth...it's what we did before they made the show.

Good luck with your pregnancy and congratulations Thanks

Petsinmypudenda · 21/02/2013 12:19

Fuck ive given birth twice and i would rather not watch it.

Women sreaming their headsoff all the gore

Its different when its you foing it and im sure he will do fine on the bug day

ChaosTrulyReigns · 21/02/2013 12:19

I understand your anxiety, but I think there's a big difference between sharing the birth with yiu, and watching a loas of strangers go through it. It is quite intense and personal.

Reading up on it is probably a good start and within his comfort zone, and he seens quite prepared to do that.

Good luck with it all.

Smile
spg1983 · 21/02/2013 12:19

I had the same problem but finally got DH to watch it for the first time a couple of weeks ago. Unfortunately it was the episode where it focused on the dads messing around and being quite funny (but probably very annoying for the mums in labour). DH loved it and has taken it as license to be an absolute nutter during my labour! Oops...

Petsinmypudenda · 21/02/2013 12:20

*doing

  • big

Excuse my sausage fingers

AThingInYourLife · 21/02/2013 12:20

That is the last show I would be watching to prepare for giving birth.

"Also, I am fairly certain that he is pretty grossed out by pregnancy and birth"

You feel he is grossed out by your pregnancy? :(

perplexedpirate · 21/02/2013 12:21

I would not watch that program. There's something about the concept that I really dislike, can't blame your DH I'm afraid.

PrincessRagnhild · 21/02/2013 12:24

YABU because there are many many other and better ways to prepare for the birth than by watching that shit show. But it doesn't sound like he was being that understanding, and leaving the house before it started seems a bit extreme. Did he say that he understands why you're anxious and will do his best to help you, but just doesn't want to watch the show? Or did he just walk out sulking?

catgirl1976 · 21/02/2013 12:25

My DH refused to watch it with me when I was pg

Then he watched one after DS was born and cried when the baby was born Grin

Now neither of us cba watching it :) It's not very good but it is compulisve viewing when pg I think

Good luck and congratualtions

rodandtheemu · 21/02/2013 12:25

HI op ive just watched it on sky plus ! My Dp will watch five mins and then faff about, talking to me, interupting all the time, so i've taken to just recording it and watching it in peace.

I would love him to watch it with me but he's just not into watching a woman in labour, prob like me watching the sodding football. Dosnt mean he is not interested in your labour.

And its normal to be touchy about stuff at this time, I declared last night that DP had to hurry up and take his empty plate in kitchen as it was 'knocking me sick'' then we both started laughing at how ridiculous i sound some times! I have 9 weeks left!

good luck hun x

Original poster
Guntie · 21/02/2013 12:26

Thanks everyone Smile

I understand a lot of you saying that you wouldn't want to watch it either. I can understand why he would perfectly prefer to want to watch Top Gear...

Its more that I asked him to watch it with me. If he was going through any type of event, and he wanted me to watch an hour long program about it, of course I would. Its that that upsets me a bit.

I appreciate all your responses Thanks

OP posts:
Mononoke · 21/02/2013 12:27

My DP also refuses to watch, he doesn't to watch a baby come out of a strangers fanjo - fair enough really.
I am not pregnant and didn't watch when I was, I don't think watching it will help prepare you for child birth.
Good luck

honeytea · 21/02/2013 12:28

My dp also didn't like watching it (but I was mean and forced him.) He is like your DP and didn't much like the idea of birth but in the end he was amazing and he really enjoyed being there for ds's birth.

OBEM shows the extreams of birth, I think watching it actually made me more anxious about my birth. I was convinced DS would get stuck or his heart rate would drop like so often happens in OBEM, also nearly all the women birth on their backs in bed (I know this season they have started showing more "active" births but it still seems like the minority.

The reality of Ds's birth was so different to the births I had seen on OBEM, I was stood almost the entire time and it was the most uneventful birth (apart from the lovely bit at the end when ds was born, that was an event but a happy event.) Maybe you would be better off looking at birth videos on youtube, you can find some lovely calm births to watch together and to help him feel positive about the upcoming birth.

Good luck :)

rodandtheemu · 21/02/2013 12:32

honeytea hope u dont mind me asking, how did that work out, I was lay on my back with my other two a loooooooong time ago. Really want to be active this time and not on bed at all.

Astr0naut · 21/02/2013 12:33

Dh happily watched me give birth twice, but he won't watch OBEM and really doesn't understand why I want to. "You've already done it, why do you want to watch other women giving birth?"

Well duh, to compare notes, obviously!

And to relive the births of my two, without all the hard bits that follow. Grin

shellshock7 · 21/02/2013 12:33

My DH says the (nhs only) antenatal we're the best thing as he knew all the terms and things they referred to when things didn't go to plan...will he go to them with you?

Nothing can prepare him for the actual labour I don't think....no one was more prepared than me and it was ultimately worthless!

CartedOff · 21/02/2013 12:34

I would really encourage him to read a book or hell, just a website, that goes into detail about labour, rather than watching the show. He needs to have the knowledge about how it all works, the different stages and so on rather than watching OBEM. Do you think he'd be willing to do that or will he keep putting it off? I can completely understand your fear of him not knowing the first thing that's going on when you're in labour. You sure as hell don't want someone asking if this or that is normal because they refused to find out about how it all worked, but he'd said he'll read something about it and I would take him at his word and encourage him to do that.

I really feel for you though. It can't be easy having a partner with a fear of hospitals and procedures when one of the biggest events of your life is going to be taking place in a medical environment!

LadyBigtoes · 21/02/2013 12:35

I love it and always cry buckets. DP will not watch it - he can't see why you would want to go through all that again vicariously, plus he doesn't want to have to endure my blubbing. Fair enough.

I can see why you might see it as a preparation in the run-up to birth, but ever birth (and birth partner) is different, so it might just scare you/him unnecessarily. And some partners do need time to come around to the idea in their own way, so it might be better not to pressurise him.

BTW I was quite glad DP doesn't watch it when one day guess who cropped up on it having a particularly wailsome birth - DP's EX!!!!!

Petsinmypudenda · 21/02/2013 12:36

But you say blood needles and the like make him uncomfortable. Would you want to soend an hour doing something that makes you feel like that.

And seeing it on telly doesnt mean he will be more prepared, we all managed with books back in the day and it was fine

CloudsAndTrees · 21/02/2013 12:37

YABU.

The fact that he doesn't want to watch a TV show doesn't mean that he won't be supportive while you are in labour. He is prepared to read a book, what about ante natal classes? Will he go to those with you? If not, then he's being unreasonable, but he's not BU just because you asked him to watch a programme and he doesn't want to.

BegoniaBampot · 21/02/2013 12:39

Don't try and make him watch it. You could end up with him being more worried and stressed than he needs to be. It's quite an out there programme, not for everyone.

LeoniPoni · 21/02/2013 12:40

You know you're being unreasonable but thats reasonable because you're pregnant and anxious. Some people can't stand picturing what it will be like because it makes them more anxious. Perhaps that's his problem.

If you feel he is uninterested and unsupportive in general that's a bigger issue that needs thinking about.

VisualiseAHorse · 21/02/2013 12:42

My OH refuses to watch it too - in fact if he accidently flicks the channel over to it, he goes 'UGH' and quickly changes channel. He was there at the birth of our baby and coped fine!

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