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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To wish I had a group of "girls"?

64 replies

Primadonnagirl · 21/02/2013 07:45

I always feel a bit inadequate when I hear of others " going out with the girls" etc. as I've never had a group of female friends. I hate plenty of friends on a one to one/ couples basis but not a group of them who know each other, live close by etc.Even adverts make me feel a bit left out...you know when the woman joins a group of friend for lunch ( usually laughing delightedly at the fact she's wearing panty liners!!!!).. I know that's not real life but I also know that people have groups of friends and I don't. DH suggested me getting a group of my friends together but that seems forced and it's hardly going to be a regular, easy going thing.I didn't have any hen do becuas elf this and whilst I didn't mind in the least I thought " am I odd?" I know it's not a major life problem and not feeling sorry fir myself...just wondered how common this is?

OP posts:

Original poster

Primadonnagirl · 21/02/2013 07:46

That should say I HAVE plenty of friends ..ha, ha!

OP posts:

KenDoddsDadsDog · 21/02/2013 07:48

I don't either !! Some people I know do and some don't . I didn't have a hen do and I don't have big parties / weekends away.
Would you really want that ?

coribells · 21/02/2013 07:49

I don't know how common it is, but I am in the same boat. severely lacking in the friend department at the moment.

CharlieMouseWillDoIt · 21/02/2013 07:50

I don't really have a group of friends either - I tend to see my friends individually, or maybe in twos (for example a couple of people I used to work with). I didn't have a hen party either as it felt a bit odd to bring together so many people from different areas of my life together.

The people I know who do have a group of friends have known the others since school/college days and have stayed in the same area.

ScarletLady02 · 21/02/2013 07:51

I don't really have many friends

I struggle to get on with people I really do. I used to have a massive social circle when I was with my ex, but when we split up, I was made out to be the bad guy and I lost a lot of them. As a result I find it hard to trust. I'm quite socially awkward and really find it hard to relax around new people. Plus, I'm not really into typical girly stuff either.

I do have a few friends, but they're mostly male to be honest. I'd love a group of "girls" too....YANBU.

Jeez I sound like a right catch don't I

adeucalione · 21/02/2013 07:52

I don't either.

ScarletLady02 · 21/02/2013 07:56

Where does everyone live? Maybe we could all meet up and have wildly witty wine and cake parties??

chickensaresafehere · 21/02/2013 07:57

Same here.Only two close friends,but I have become worse since having dd(who has SN).

OhMyNoReally · 21/02/2013 07:58

Me either never had a group of mates, never had a hen do. Actually, only one or two friends now and as they live so far away I never see them. I have acquaintances and people I speak to at the school gates but no friends. It's quite sad really, just me dh and the dc. I even go out to lunch by myself. :(

PatButchersEarring · 21/02/2013 08:00

I don't either, and am glad of it!

I have lots of good friends of both sexes- we don't live in each others pockets, but know that we'd be there if needed.

In my experience, with gangs of giggling girls comes back stabbing, bitching, and endless phone conversations about clothes/hair/over emotional hogwash. I don't have the time (or the inclination) to maintain those sorts of relationships. Just the thought of being in a SATC esque style group of women makes me shudder!

Locketjuice · 21/02/2013 08:00

Be happy you have so many friends!

TheCountessOlenska · 21/02/2013 08:01

My group of "girls" are my old friends from Uni - but we live in different places and struggle to get together once a year these days. Hopefully when our kids are older we'll be able to meet up more.

I have a couple of "mummy" friends who I meet for coffee with the kids.

I don't have a SATC type gang of girl friends who I meet for lunch regularly because I have young children and I'm busy!

Tailtwister · 21/02/2013 08:02

I know what you mean OP. I do have a few close friends, but they're all over the UK/world now and I'd love to have them close by. I just never seem to be able to replicate that close friendship with anyone new.

Hassled · 21/02/2013 08:02

I don't - I have enough friends, in as much as I don't feel a need to make any more, but none of them really know each other that well. We never all go out or anything. It doesn't bother me - in fact I think I prefer the fact they're sort of seperate from each other.

issimma · 21/02/2013 08:03

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ScarletLady02 · 21/02/2013 08:03

I don't have any desire for a SATC type group of friends, but some female friends would be nice. The reason I struggle to get on with girls is that I HATE all that SATC type stuff....so I don't often meet girls into the same things as me, apart from online.

LauraPashley · 21/02/2013 08:05

I don't think you have to have huge numbers. People have posted above saying oh I only have 2 friends but not a huge gang. When I get together with my 2 closest friends, which is only every 3 months or so, we feel like we are a big girly gang! I had a hen weekend which consisted of those 2, 1 other girl and my sister! Again, that felt like a gang to me!
We don't have nights out but I am hoping that will come back after our kids get a bit older.

bigbadbarry · 21/02/2013 08:06

Every hen party I have ever been to has been the bride's friends, some of whom know each other a bit, most don't. I guess I have a group of girls in that I am in touch with some friends from school days. We live all over the country and meet up about once a year - we don't even really speak in between.
I do know what you mean though, now I live n a small village where most people went to school together and still go out in a big gang.

MrsLouisTheroux · 21/02/2013 08:10

Depends who the 'girls' are and what they do.
I've been out with my friend's 'group of girls'. Never again.
Lovely I thought, get dressed up, go for a meal, all very nice.
I wasn't expecting the shouting, flirting with every man within 100 yards ( including the waiters/taxi driver) husband bashing, constant talk about sex, vomit, running without shoes and nearly missing the train back.

We are not 16 by the way!

Megatron · 21/02/2013 08:11

Well I have lived in the same village for the last 9 years and I would say that only now do i have a group of 'girls' that get together for meals, theatre trips and the odd drunken night. Our children are all at school now so no tiny babies and although we've all known each other for a long time it's only in the last year I would say we do stuff together regularly.

There are 6 sometimes 7 of us and it's great BUT it does have it's problems too so I purposely kind of stay on the periphery of the group so that suits me. For example, 2 of the women had a falling out last year so that can have knock on problems for everyone else, if you let it. And there is also the issue that if a couple of them arrange to go out on their own, someone else wants to know why they weren't invited etc. So, as I said, it's great but I don't want to get too involved if you know what I mean.

ScarletLady02 · 21/02/2013 08:14

Gaaaargh MrsLouisTheroux - sounds like my idea of hell!

SkinnybitchWannabe · 21/02/2013 08:15

I have a 'best friend' who Ive been friends with for over 20 years.
I have work friends but I wouldn't class them as close friends.
A few years ago I decided not to be so shy at my ds school so I gradually started to stand near a group of mums who looked nice! After a few weeks we were all chatting and we now meet up for girls nights regularly.
It took alot for me to pluck up the courage to talk to then..but Im so glad I did.

Tinkerisdead · 21/02/2013 08:18

I dont have a group of friends either. I have a group of ex work colleagues that i meet up with maybe once every few months but not in a share my secrets girly way.

I've got a few individual friends but no real BEST friend and i mentioned on a previoys post i tend to drift into new friendships and others fall away. Our children have three couples as godparents so we do often meet up in couple groups but its not the same.

whois · 21/02/2013 08:19

I don't see why you can't get your friends together?

My group of girls is a regular group who go for drinks, dinner etc. it is a random collection of people's friends from all over. From me there are uni friends and sports friends, other friends girlfriends, housemates, friends of friends or friends who come out and then become part of the group.

As long as you do a couple of easy going things where people are comfortable briefing their friends along who don't directly know you (eg drinks or a casual meal rather than at your house) I think it's totally normal for a group to form out of various connections.

Original poster

Primadonnagirl · 21/02/2013 08:29

Phew! It's not just me then?! I can see both sides...MrsTheroux, I would also hate that situation! I like one to one friendships but sometimes you just want something a bit lighthearted and I think a small group works better for that...I feel like I need my Mum to introduce me to some nice girls to play with!!!!Or did that just happen to me too?!! Ha..might explain things......!

OP posts:

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