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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be so frustrated with my sister in law?

53 replies

ilovecolinfirth · 20/02/2013 21:32

Ok, so my lovely...but very intense sister in law really winds me up. I feel that I cannot say anything to her, as anyone who upsets her feels the wrath of MIL. She completely interferes when it comes to my children. She buys gifts for her parents from MY children, eg she makes calendars every year with their photos on and gives them the titles "Nanny's calendar" and "grandad's calendar".

When it was Mother's Day last year she had a photo of my son printed and put in a frame which said "nanny" on it....I think it looked a bit tacky. I refuse to give presents for Mother's Day and Father's Day from my children to their grandparents as they are not the ones who sit up with them all night when they are ill, or do anything else on a daily basis. My children's names go on the same card that our names are on, therefore the gift comes from all of us. It feels though that SIL is stepping on our toes as any personal gift like that should come from us ... If we choose to.

OP posts:
WilsonFrickett · 20/02/2013 21:35

I think this is so bonkers that it could probably out you unless you've changed some details. But YANBU.

hermioneweasley · 20/02/2013 21:35

I assume she doesn't have her own kids? It is over stepping a boundary (IMO), but I wouldn't sweat it - it's not harming anyone.

Primafacie · 20/02/2013 21:36

God YABU. You resent that she loves your children enough to spend time, time she will never get back, doing calendars with their photos to offer as presents to their grandparents?

I'd happily pay for someone to do calendars out of my kids' photos.

Count yourself lucky. Let it go. She loves them.

squeakytoy · 20/02/2013 21:37

Perhaps the grandparents have said to her that they wished they got those things... what does your husband say about his sisters actions?

yaimee · 20/02/2013 21:37

weird as fuck but not sure what you can do about it! Yanbu!

thebody · 20/02/2013 21:38

If this is all she does then,annoying as it is,I would just let it go as you describe her as 'lovely'

Sugarice · 20/02/2013 21:42

She is regressing back to her childhood through your children.

Does she have issues of some sort.

Bunfags · 20/02/2013 21:43

It's a bit different, but there doesn't seem to be any harm in it.

WhereYouLeftIt · 20/02/2013 21:43

" I feel that I cannot say anything to her, as anyone who upsets her feels the wrath of MIL."
How easily is she upset? And why does that mean her mother is wrathful? What does your DH (I'm presuming he is her brother) say about all of this?

gordyslovesheep · 20/02/2013 21:44

she gave HER mother a picture in a frame for mothers day ...I don't see he issue

she obviously loves your kids - enjoy it

mrsstewpot · 20/02/2013 21:47

My SIL does this! She doesn't have DC and she is always giving MIL framed pics of our DS (her only GC) for xmas/birthdays etc. For Mothers' Day last year she gave MIL framed pics of me, my DH and DS!

I agree it is weird! And annoying as fuck!

Original poster
ilovecolinfirth · 20/02/2013 21:48

Husband does feel that it is very odd, but recognises that she is very intense. She doesn't have children of her own so I guess it's her way of feeling involved. Primaifacie, I certainly do not resent her...I just feel that anything so personal as a mothers or Father's Day gift should be from us...if we decide...

OP posts:
Primafacie · 20/02/2013 21:55

Okay, you don't resent it but you are "so frustrated" with her. Why is that, if not because you resent her decisions or actions?

mrsstewpot · 20/02/2013 21:59

I openly admit to feeling resentment towards my SIL who is seeking praise, glory and gratitude from using my DC! Even if she doesn't realise that's what's happening!

Catsdontcare · 20/02/2013 22:08

On your SIL birthday get a massive canvas photo of you MIL with the words to my lovely daughter on it. That'll fox her

GrendelsMum · 20/02/2013 22:08

It sounds like you're onto an absolute winner to me. Your in laws get calendars and photos of the sort that grandparents seem to absolutely love, AND you don't have to do anything about it because it's someone else's present to them. Result all round.

Probably she'll go off the idea when they're great hulking teenagers but for now I'd sit back and enjoy it for all its worth.

QOD · 20/02/2013 22:09

Oh dear

I have to admit that pre my own dd (after 9 yrs of trying nd fertile treatment and finally using a straight surrogate) I did make my mum a cup with photos of my Dddddddddddn (all the d's to emphasise how much I adored/adore that kid!)

Projection

thezebrawearspurple · 20/02/2013 22:37

I have one like this, she has driven me nuts on more occasions than I can count. It's very difficult when someone is overstepping personal boundaries even when each time it doesn't seem like a big deal in itself, it's the constant overstepping that is bothersome. Your sil doesn't seem to be doing anything bad though, just a bit sad because she has nothing better to do and mildly irritating to you. Unless she sets up a blog about them or something equally ridiculous/invasive or offensive to you, just ignore it.

It's not a complement when other people seem to use your children to get attention for themselves, it's hard to explain to people but it's not the same as enjoying/adoring them so I do feel for you if that's the situation you're in.

AlfalfaMum · 20/02/2013 23:37

Hmm, strange situation.
I don't really see what harm she's doing though, and it sounds like she idolises and adores your dc. I feel a bit sad for her actually, does she have self esteem issues or something? It might help if you try to look at what's motivating her, perhaps it's love of your dc, and recognition of their importance to MIL/FIL?

Have you ever mentioned your discomfort to her. How did she react (if so)?

IneedAsockamnesty · 20/02/2013 23:44

Did she give the gifts from her? If so no prob

Or did she give the gifts from your dc's? If so its weird.

twitchycurtains · 20/02/2013 23:51

YANBU what thezebrawearspurple said with knobs on

PureQuintessence · 20/02/2013 23:59

Well, seeing as she is not a mum, nor a dad, and she still celebrate mothers day and fathers day for her parents, it would be more odd if she made calendars of herself for them.

Leave her to it. She clearly loves both your children and her parents, and feels close to all of them.

She sounds lovely. Smile

FelicityWasCold · 21/02/2013 00:01

It's weird, but I'd try and let it go I think.

BlatantLies · 21/02/2013 00:04

She sounds bonkers but at least she is trying to be nice. I wouldn't worry about it.

TheSecondComing · 21/02/2013 00:10

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.