To think it's awful the way some people try to justify their children being overweight

[Tulahoob]

by saying they just "are tall and big boned" or that they "like their food". And by thinking it's almost a good thing that they're big!

I know two people with overweight children. Person 1 has 4 extremely overweight children. The parents are both tall and overweight, and the kids are all fairly tall, but the mum justifies them being big by saying 'They're just tall and they like their food'. It's clear they like their food, but they're not giants, and regardless of height they are all very overweight. The mum is almost proud of the fact that her children never stop eating. It's quite odd really; she's setting them up for a lifetime of having the piss taken out of them and a lifetime of bad eating habits and potentially bad health. Her eldest child even came came out as overweight on those weight/height ratio tests they do in reception year and she was proud of it because it meant he is tall and loves his food.

Person 2 has one son, who is again extremely overweight and is getting called names at school such as "Fatty". He is 7. She is up in arms about the mickey taking but insists he isn't fat, but that he just loves his food. Again, she is setting him up for the same problems that person one is setting their kids up for.

I know we are all blinkered where our kids are concerned. But surely over something like this some people can see that their children really are overweight?

maja I don't need to justify myself and how I feed my children to someone so wilfully ignorant as you. But I really think that perhaps you ought to remind yourself that you are not right all the time. You're certainly not right this time.

And this is why young children end up overweight.

Because they are "big boned", "love their food", "only eat healthy stuff", "are always hungry", "have a slow metabolism".

If parents won't take responsibility for getting a hold on their children's weight when they are young, and when eating patterns and behaviour are set, how much harder is it going to be for those children to manage their own weight as adults?

Well, apart from the 'healthy food' thing, I've never said any of those things about my child, Maja, either here or anywhere else. But I refer you back to my musings about your ability to fully comprehend what you are reading, if indeed you're reading at all.

I'm out. You seem determined to apply things which just aren't there. I don't have time to argue with someone who keeps repeating the same incorrect assumption.

Maja - can you explain why, in Tobylerone's case, three out of four people in the family are a healthy weight whilst one is overweight? I assume that Toby would have said, if her dd did radically less exercise than the rest of them - in fact, I am sure that, if this were the case, she would have worked out for herself without being told in such a patronising fashion why her dd was putting on weight.

Have you stopped at all to consider the fact that some people have faster metabolisms than others? Or that there are medical conditions that can cause weight gain? Or did you just leap in to generalise?

So why is your child overweight then?

Because the overweight person is eating too much. It doesn't matter if other people eat more and are thinner. Many overweight people feel that they eat little or eat healthily.

I'm sure if Toby's child has a medical condition then she would have it investigated.

Going back several pages, we also operate the food getting more boring as requests for more continue. If they are happy to eat an oatcake, they really must be hungry. If its turned down, hunger isn't the major factor at play.

It does amaze me how much / little different kids can eat, and the amount they eat doesn't always relate to size. The guidelines are just that - guideline intakes, but the range is obviously quite wide.

I think as the population gets heavier on average, we are loosing sight of a normal body shape - and people now who are thought of as skinny are actually normal, and its the rest of us (yes, me included) who are overweight skewing things.

Horizon Any suggestions on what I should give them instead then?

I'd like to know what people think about the question choceyes asked a few pages ago! My ds was breastfed, we did blw, served up primarily healthy foods, have never made him clear his plate etc. he is a healthy weight and very active. However he seems to have a bottomless stomach for sweets/chocolates/ice creams etc!
If there are any around he will often ask for some after just a few bites of dinner. If we say no if he's hungry he eats his dinner and that's it but if he's still hungry after dinner he can have some, he will visibly force down his dinner just to get the dessert - which is exactly what we have tried to avoid!
Of course the answer is not to have dessert available but there are times when it is, and he knows it! At parties etc the amount of junk food he can put away amazes me for a child who generally has/had excellent portion control. It's like he has an 'override' button for junk even though we have done all the right things!

My next door neighbour was a right fat little madam when I was growing up. Her mum blamed all the sugary medicine she had to take as she was often ill, not the daily intake of cake. Honestly, you've never seen someone with such constant jam smeared chops. Some people will come up with any old tosh to cover up their bad parenting. The mum was a cake guzzling fatty too.

I called them the Captain Birdseye Family, I didn't realise there was a difference between him and Mr Kipling, but I was only 4yrs old.

Dont beat yourself up, 4 year olds arent very good at being kind.

Cat - I think, and this is not a criticism, more of an observation (limited in scope!) that sometimes the more you restrict something, the more they want it. So that when they do get their hands on it, they shovel in as much as they can because they don't know when they'll get it again.

My best friend had her DS 4y before I had mine, and she restricted his TV watching to almost nothing when he was very little. As a result, he became a complete tv addict! But has calmed down again now. I have other friends who have restricted sweets/junk food intake completely, whose DC, now older, have troubles restraining themselves.

But equally I have a friend who restricted her DCs' intake of junk food and none of them are interested in it.

My DS1 (NOT a stealth boast, he's the first one, I'm sure that DS2 will prove me wrong) has something sweet nearly every day but is very self-limiting - we still have Christmas stocking chocolates left, and I've had to throw away chocolates from Easter in previous years because they've not been eaten for too long.

But all children are different - I could have been letting him have something sweet every day and he still ends up guttsing it all down whenever possible - I think I was just lucky.

wossname that might be one of my all time favourite MN put downs!

Thumbwitch- I can see what you're saying, and we haven't actually forbidden junk, he gets plenty - but what I mean is that I have to restrict or he will just eat and eat it! I have to be the one to say that's enough now, or just not buy it. Or should I buy it and let him eat as much as he wants? :)

I accidentally underfed then over fed DS between birth and 6 months. He was so skinny then he got fat as butter. I feel very relieved that he seems to have a normal appetite and metabolism. I was underfed as a newborn for similar reasons (milk production) and then formula fed and I do wonder if that affected my appetite. But then I also grew up with three very active brothers and I got given the same amount of food, which was too much for me. My appetite is enormous and I've spent my whole adult life trying to find ways to control it without being miserable. I think it's so easy to set a child's appetite wrongly and so hard to reset it. Even with the best will in the world (my parents were veggie, literally no junk food ever, very healthy and balanced diet, just too much) it's possible to get it wrong.

Interesting thread, Tulahoob. I think it must come down to the fact that some parents just don't know better, or if they do, they can't recognise that what they're doing isn't on the 'better' side. I see posts from 'proud' parents on MN quite often and I wonder what they're proud about, it's often something that really isn't 'medal deserving'. It seems to be more about the parent's needs for recognition rather than actual bona fide achievement of something. It's very sad and where nutrition is concerned, can be devastating for a whole lifetime and generations beyond.

I also agree with Worra and forevergreek... some people (and therefore their children) are ALWAYS eating, I don't understand the snacking culture that we seem to have here. They don't do this in France from what I've seen, nor other mainland Europe countries. It's a huge problem here, we have so much food 'available' and I think that some people see their ability to keep fridges and cupboards stocked as a 'comfort', an indicator of 'how well they're doing'.

I truly think that the emphasis needs to come off food - whatever it is. It's fuel for the body and that's all it is. Yes, you can make it palatable and delicious and steer off the 'mucked about with stuff', but it's still just food and there's no need to be eating something every hour, barring properly diagnosed medical conditions that require it.

Constant eating/snacking really isn't a good thing in my book, not at all. It leads to a lifetime of looking for the next thing to eat instead of actually, living.

I agree it is not ok to overfeed your children. It is nothing to be proud of. My children 'like their food' but they are not overweight. I think if I didn't limit what ds eats he has potential to be overweight. He is 5 and very very active and sporty and has the appetite of a horse. That's fine because he eats a healthy diet but I do limit portion sizes or he would eat and eat. I am a bit overweight and I do not want my children going the same way!

I'm sad to read BurningBridges post, it sounds an awful position to be in and nobody should judge BUT, isn't AIBU - the whole flipping board - a pointing an staring platform? I've never seen it be anything else and it's 'celebrated' as such.

You can't pick and choose what you 'point and stare' at... you either do that or you don't.

LyingWitch: "I truly think that the emphasis needs to come off food - whatever it is."

YY

I think that the "eat fruit" message, for instance, has turned into a massive disaster. It was meant as "why not have an apple instead of a bag of crisps" and has somehow been understood as "any sort of sugar tenuously derived from fruit can be, and should be, thrust at your children at all times"

curryeater... I think that fruit is actually a 'problem food'. I know it's natural sugar but for me, the nutrient hit (which could be easily exceeded by vegetables anyway) isn't worth the sugar 'spike'. Vegetables trump fruit everytime for me.

I'm horrified at the concept of fruit 'flakes'... what the absolute deuce are those all about?

Fruit flakes, fruit bars, fruit winders = sweeties for parents who wouldn't dream of giving their children a packet of skittles

'Vegetables trump fruit everytime for me.

especially beans

I have to admit, and I'm a bit worried that I'm going to get caught out with DS2, that I don't understand why some parents feel the need to have food available to their DC at all times.

DS1 goes to a football class, it's 45 minutes long. During that time, the parents sit and watch (encouraged). One family I know there, the younger daughter eats constantly throughout that 45 minutes. She has a packed lunch for it! (it's not lunchtime) and then a box of sweets as well. She is what you might call stocky, and is about 3 now - it may be that she doesn't get fed the rest of the day, I don't know, but what she is fed in that 45 minutes is more than my 5yo DS1 gets for lunch.

We have similar at playgroup - the children are all busy playing, for heaven's sake, they don't need distracting with food and yet again, people bring large amounts of snacks for them. Water, drink - no issue, usually needed, very sensible. Bags of crackers/crisps/fruit bits - not so much. Cheesy dips/biscuits/cakes etc. - can be a real PITA.

DS2 is a milk-monster baby. DS1 was on the 9th centile and stayed there - my little pixie boy! - but DS2 started ~60th centile and now, at 19w, is on the 98th centile. He's bf, no supplementing - demand fed admittedly (as was DS1) - and I'm a bit shocked! SOoooo many people tell me how healthy he looks and look at all those lovely chubby rolls (he currently weighs what DS1 took nearly a year to get to) and he's just like a little Buddha, isn't he, bless him. I'm a teensy bit horrified though - I don't want him to end up having a voracious appetite that involves constant snacking through the day!

Someone please reassure me that he won't...

Thumbwitch, can't reassure you, but I can tell you that my (bfed) babies were HUEG before they crawled and then lost some weight when they got moving. Now they are older, my nearly 4 year old is skinny and my nearly 2 year old is still roundy baby shaped but with no actual rolls. I think the size your baby is has no bearing on how often they eat as children - that is down to your lifestyle. I cannot BEAR the constant snacking. can't bear it. Junk carbs being thrust at my children by my friends at 5pm while I am thinking about the FIENDISHLY EXPENSIVE salmon fillet that I was going to put on the table at 6, but it will end up in the bin because they are seduced by the snack and their finite appetites can't take their tea an hour later. Infuriating. and it's not just that they are eating crap in the moment; it's that they are being conditioned to think that life takes place against a constant crinkling backdrop of consumption of things in packets.