To get a bit impatient with really fussy eaters (adults)

[atthewelles]

I'm not talking about people with medical conditions which preclude certain foods from their diet or people who have anxiety issues re certain types of food/ different foods touching each other on the plate etc

But adults who just turn their noses up at anything other than plain meat and potatoes and act as if vegetables, pasta, fish, anything containing spices or garlic or cooked in a sauces is on a par with serving up roasted worms are a bit irritating - difficult to cook for and impossible to please when trying to meet up in a restaurant.

AIBU to think grown ups should at least try a few different foodstuffs and be a little bit open minded about what they're prepared to eat?

With the two people I mentioned earlier both routinely made comments like "oh I don't not like them,I just find them to much effort," or "its not that I dislike them but they are boring"

The above examples with regard to anything that could not be scooped up in a spoon. And anything that was not roast potatoes.

Both were also drama lamas one would routinely complain there was either to little on his plate then not finish it or to much then finish it and within 10 mins be complaining about being hungry.both were incredibly rude in general and expected every aspect of there wishes to be prioritised over and above everybody else all the time.and both thought they didn't have to contribute towards there own lifestyles.

One of them according to his mother was never fussy when younger and when self funding his own food ate very differently to when he was leaching of others and both were never so fussy about pudding choices or booze choices.

On the other hand I have a not very close friend who has a very limited diet but is not rude or attention seeking about it if we eat out as a group he takes it in turns to choose the venue and is generally more relaxed about it his issue impacts nobody,he does not bother me at all.

Something else that I just remembered that both the fussy ones did.

If anything pissed them off anything at all or they were in a bad mood that was entirely Not related to food they would strop and refuse to eat just like toddlers do. It would all be done very obviously and entirely for effect,plates would get pushed across the table stomping would happen,over the top statements about not being able to eat because they were so angry/ upset ect.

I can remember one of them having a temper tantrum at the table stomping off in a huff then lurking in the kitchen waiting to be pacified when this did not happen after about half an hour they snuck off into the shed where they practicly inhaled a Cornish pasty ( one of the foods they could not possibly eat) not knowing that I had CCTV in the shed.

You see that doesn't define a fussy eater for me.

That's someone who has grown up knowing that they can use food as a weapon.

Yes but it results in being fussy.

I wouldn't bat an eye lid at someone who didnt like lots of things because that has no impact on me its the stuff like the things I posted about that do.

I have a sneaking suspicion that lots of people who react strongly towards fussy people are meaning those types I have described.

So you don't mean fussy eaters, you mean attention seeking arses. They are not the same thing!

Another thing fussy eaters sometimes do is accept an invitation to dinner in someone's house but then eat a meal before they go in case they don't like the food served up to them. I think this is beyond rude. Either don't accept the invite, or make your host aware of food you really cannot eat because it makes you sick or whatever, and then be prepared to eat whatever's put in front of you even if its not your absolute favourite food.

Putting people to the time, effort and expense of cooking you a meal and then just announcing 'oh I had a big dinner at lunchtime so I'll just have a couple of potatoes is really ignorant and inconsiderate.

Indeed but if someone was not an attention seeking arse hole then nobody would have any need to know about there eating habits unless they actually asked, would they.

I don't think people realise how much pressure gets put on people to accept an invitation to dinner. If you decline then people get huffy. If you give them a list of problem foods then they get huffy. Even if you explain that you have a medical condition that means you can't eat gluten you end up being given cous cous (in my case).

Food is supposed to be pleasurable. Sometimes it is accompanied by shed loads of pressure and judginess. That makes it a complete waste of calories.

Sometimes your cooking just ain't that great you know. You may love it but others may not.

I'm a fussy eater and I hate it. I don't choose to be the way I am, really, life would be much easier if I wasn't. It's not for attention or to be awkward, it's just the way I am. I believe it's a combination of being terribly ill with salmonella from drinking raw milk as a toddler (Mum borrowed it off a neighbour and didn't realise it was unpasturised), growing up with a fussy Dad of the meat and two veg only variety and having an impatient Mum who tutted and huffed and told me off for gagging at certain foods. 7 years ago I would only eat plain chicken, sausages, joints of beef (no mince), potatoes (no rice or pasta), peas and raw carrot. Fruit and yogurt etc. fine but no sauces, no gravy, nothing savory creamy, no spices, onion, garlic etc. It made life terribly difficult.

I'm a million times better than I was due to a rather marvellous, patient and dustbin like OH. He made me feel secure and ok to try things, and if I didn't like something then fine, more for him! For example my journey of going from plain chicken to 'normal' fajitas involved adding a bit of fajita spice to grilled chicken, then adding a few cubes of tiny cubed red pepper that only I could cut, then adding a bit of tiny cubed onion that only I could cut, then gradually making the veg bigger, then adding to a wrap, then finally adding lettuce and now I eat fajitas like most other people. That process took about a year. After 7 years together I now eat most things, all veg except cauliflower, all meat including mince (still not a fan of fatty wibbly meat but I think that isn't uncommon), pasta, rice, spices, whatever. The only things that I really can't eat are raw tomatoes and gravy/stew type things. And filter feeder seafood (should not have studied marine biology!)

Having people tut over your food choices is not helpful, infact it makes me regress completely and not be able to eat anything at all. For example, we went for a family meal at a pub and everyone had a roast dinner with veg in big bowls to share. I went to put a pile of mangetout, carrots and broccoli on my plate and my Dad said infront of everyone 'its not like you to eat veg'. I was terribly embarrassed and couldn't physically eat anymore to which of course caused my Mum said I was just being fussy and silly. Just leave people alone to eat how they want to eat, if there is someone that you know who won't eat certain foods then why would you invite them over and serve something that they wouldn't eat? That's passive aggressive behaviour if I ever I saw it.

Having said that, I totally agree that being rude about food is not acceptable, e.g. bleugh, how can you eat that. But that's not because the person is a fussy eater, it is because they have no manners.

So much social interaction revolves around eating too, it can get quite stressful. I always thought I was doing the right thing by quietly leaving bits I didn't want on the side of my plate, or by checking what's on offer in advance, or saying 'no thank you' to an offer of something I don't like. I'm never rude and I never attention seek, but I've found from mumsnet that certain people can be judgemental and superior about anything anyone does in this situation. They also like making things all about them.
Might as well become a hermit.

Jins So because you don't like someone's cooking you would deliberately insult them by eating a meal before you went to their house for dinner?
How is that better than declining an invitation or saying 'By the way, I hope you don't mind but I can't eat mushrooms' or whatever?

Has anyone posted this yet

Your dad saying 'its not like you to eat veg'? caused you that amount of distress?

Not sneering or anything, just genuinely curious?

Noble where has anyone said its not okay to quietly leave some bits of food on the side of your plate or saying 'no thank you' to peas or whatever?

That's not what people are talking about on here.

Where did I say that?

I'm more than happy to decline an invitation and if I get the impression that someone is a bit up their own arse and judgemental then I do

Atthe that would do it for me too. The very worst thing for me isnt the food, its if someone draws attention to my food issues. I was struggling to find something to eat once when H and I went out for lunch, he was getting pissed off and by the time the waiter came back I was in such a state that I couldnt have eaten anything. We had to leave and H got a take away.

Food can cause major problems for some people, it isnt just being a PITA.

Yeah me too. Someone we know always has to comment on what I'm eating and it cuts any enjoyment of my food dead. So I don't eat if she's around.

Atthewelles: yes, really. Food can be a very emotive subject for those who have issues with it and I agree with Bogeyface that the worst thing is when someone draws attention to it. I was terribly embarrassed to have it brought up in front of a table of people and when i'm distressed my throat clogs up and I literally can't eat, making the whole situation worse. It's horrible.

I don't like my food 'smothered 'in sauce either or 'overwhelmed' by one flavour . Where did I say I did?

Senior. Given the list of things you can eat I wouldn't consider that fussy.

By spices do you mean spicy things or do you mean any type of spices at all like well everything that's not a herb in the herbs and spices aisle.

Doesn't bother me tbh.
Different people have different tastes.

I'm not at all fussy. I will eat pretty much anything. I strongly prefer some foods over others, and those that I like, I enjoy very, very much. But there isn't really a foodstuff I would refuse if cooked for me, or anything that would be an actual ordeal to consume.

Yet... looking at the list of things supertasters are averse to, these are definitely the things that I prefer least - brussel sprouts, espresso, grapefruit, dark chocolate - yet if I'm hungry, I WILL eat them in the absence of anything I like more. They can even be made quite tasty in the right recipe.

Surely even 'supertasters' are making a choice on some level - it's not entirely physiological.

There's been plenty of mention of supertasters and allergies and intolerances and genuine dislikes of a few ingredients. There have been plenty of examples of fussiness in others.

No mention of previous disordered eating though. That's where my issues stem from if I'm honest.