To get a bit impatient with really fussy eaters (adults)

[atthewelles]

I'm not talking about people with medical conditions which preclude certain foods from their diet or people who have anxiety issues re certain types of food/ different foods touching each other on the plate etc

But adults who just turn their noses up at anything other than plain meat and potatoes and act as if vegetables, pasta, fish, anything containing spices or garlic or cooked in a sauces is on a par with serving up roasted worms are a bit irritating - difficult to cook for and impossible to please when trying to meet up in a restaurant.

AIBU to think grown ups should at least try a few different foodstuffs and be a little bit open minded about what they're prepared to eat?

Jins I'm a supertaster. I'd starve before eating the junk food you describe

I would bet everything that you wouldn't.

Bet away.

I'll win though. Junk food is full of gluten and I'm a coeliac

Interesting and humorous article regarding cilantro

www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=98695984

I once sat through a wedding meal where 4 of the 5 courses were fish which I don't eat. I had to listen to the lady sitting next to me telling me that I should just try it, I might like it, I'd make my children try it wouldn't I? I found this incredibly rude seeing as I am an adult who does not eat fish and know my own mind. I have never liked fish and no I wouldn't force my children to eat fish if I knew they had tried it in the past and truly didn't like it.

I will eat, beef, pork, chicken, veg and fruits, garlic spices etc but I won't eat fish and no amount of cajoling will make me, so I don't really see myself as a fussy eater I just dislike the texture and taste of fish.

sockreturningpixie imagine the state of his bowels

I don't have to imagine, he also never cleaned the loo after using it.

There are certain things I loathed as a teenager/ 20 something. Mussels, anchovies and olives being those I remember. I used to try one mussel once a year on holiday and suddenly one year I found that I liked them, same with olives and anchovies. Tastes do change fairly drastically in my case although there is nothing that I used to like that I don't now, I've just added to my repertoire.

I used to hate the texture of mashed potatoes but it is now one of my favourite comfort foods.

I would always try something again as a result of this and would never be rude about something that has been cooked for me. I would also encourage my children to try things that they've previously disliked and they have changed their opinion on many things.

Ermmm... you said (and I quote) 'anything containing spices or garlic......' hence my response . If you served up 'anything containing garlic' I wouldn't eat it. I wouldn't require anything else though, I'd be fine with nothing. People who do not like something but insist on a separate meal/changing restaurant are a complete pain, and I'll let you get away with hating them~ Quote

I think you misunderstood my post. I said I was talking about people who would only eat plain meat and potatoes and wouldn't eat ... and then I listed a load of foodstuffs. I didn't mean people who disliked a couple of the things on that list were fussy, I meant people who had a long long list like that of stuff they refused to eat.

Yes OP my friends pander to me, all the time, of course they do! Unlike you I don't think the world revolves around me. You really sound like a person with a huge chip on your shoulder and you sound incredibly miserable! You make some big judgements about peoples eating habits and i think you need to get down off your high horse and stop assuming you know the reasons why people are fussy eaters. Lighten up woman! You live your life, let others live theirs!! Quote

The only person getting angry and chippy on this thread is you Higgledy.
Calm down. Where does finding fussy eaters irritating and difficult to cater for equate to thinking the world revolves around me? Particularly when loads of other posters have agreed . Surely its the people who sit grimly in lovely restaurants scouring the menu for a bit of boiled chicken and potato or who pick suspiciously through their food with a fork in case a bit of cheese or onion actually strayed in there are the 'miserable' ones (no offence to fussy eaters who don't behave like this BTW).

TBH your posts don't make much sense. You make a flat statement that all restaurants serve steak and plain chicken to try and prove a point when that is clearly not true and then seem to get extremely aggressive when that is challenged.

To flip the conversation, I hate cooking for people 'who'll eat anything'..... It's pointless, dull and unrewarding.

I have two friends like this, and they really will eat anything. Doesn't matter whether it's cheap or expensive, well done or rare, not in a sauce/in a cheese sauce/in a tomato. It's food, in front of them and there, so they shovel it in chew and swallow.

Where's the incentive to try? They'll eat anything I put in front of them, so why should I spend time and money on them? The feedback on McD's is the same as on Slow-Roasted Venison in Blackcurrant Jus. It's all just food.

I prefer fussy eaters. I prefer people who have likes and dislikes. I enjoy creating a meal that people actually will enjoy, and because of that, I've seen, so often, people obviously relax, and smile and enjoy a meal away from home, in some cases for the first time ever.

And I've been on the other side. I have texture, not taste, and there is a serious difference, issues. I love read meat, but I almost never order meat when out, because I cannot cope with gristle or fat or bone.

And if I say this to someone, and they invite me for dinner, and then try to serve me cheap, undercooked steak, and I refuse, I'm seen as fussy.

But I see it as the host being rude, tbh, and worse, if they then start commenting and 'encouraging me' it's comes across quickly as bullying, which is just as unappealing as 'fussing'.

If you invite someone over for dinner, and you ask them what they will and won't eat, don't whinge if you serve outside that range and they complain. If their list of will/won't is too long, don't invite them back.

TBH, a lot of this issue would go away if people stopped branding people 'fussy'. If people felt they were able to be honest about their likes/dislikes, and had it accepted, without judging, then they would be, and then hosts would know what they could/could not cook and everyone would be happy.

Children are different, as they are still learning about food but an adult surely, must have the right to say 'I don't like that', without being judged, lectured, pressured or sneered at. If that list is chicken-nuggets-and-chips... so what? It isn't affecting you unless you let it!

I do agree, though, that when it comes to work do's or social occasions, there does have to be a limit - but, again, both ways. Picking somewhere reasonably middle of the road with a choice of meals is really the only fair thing to do. Non-fussy (or choosy or selective or discerning....) people who will 'eat anything' sometimes don't realize what a stretch certain restaurants can be for others and are downright rude about it in return.

ginnybag - I actually think people like that are part of the same thing, people who don't have a happy relationship with food.

I'll "eat anything" at a push (although am fussy about seafood, i'll eat it if I've not been asked in advance and I don't want to offend a host) but there are a lot of foods I'll prefer over others. I'll enjoy some more, but I wouldn't dream of giving you a "rider" of my preferences. If you said "should I cook X or Y?" I might suggest a preference there, but still, if you said "I'm going to serve Y, is that ok with you?" I'd say yes even if I'd rather have X. (hope that makes sense!)

There is a difference between a gourmand, who enoys fine food and a fussy eater. Fussy eaters are usually the opposite of being refined in their eating habits. They tend to stick with a small set of unadventurous food they ate as children, which usually includes an unhealthy amount of fatty and junk food.

We all judge people for different things. I really don't think I could be friends with someone who eats chicken nuggets all the time, and refuses vegetables or spices or sauces. It show a lack of discernment, curiosity and will-power which probably spills over in other aspects of their personality.

I'll eat pretty much anything but that's not the same as just 'shovel[ling] it in chew and swallow' . I love food and eating.

I will eat, usually enjoy and, when someone else has made it for me, say thank you and be grateful for anything.

I hope my friends don't find that 'pointless, dull and unrewarding.'

Don'tmind, agree with you

And LadyClarice. Talk about turning fussiness into a virtue

Ginny just because someone is prepared to eat whatever you put in front of them doesn't necessarily mean they can't tell the difference between a frozen burger and a homemade beef stroganoff.
And someone who is very limited in what they will eat is not necessarily more 'discerning' than a more easy going eater. Sticking rigidly to the same tiny handful of food stuffs that you have been eating since you were a child is, as flatbread has said, a sign of a lack of curiousity or willingness to try new things.

Your latest post makes things clearer for me flatbread. You define fussy eaters differently from me. You are defining them as unadventurous whereas I define them as people who have a list of things they don't eat. There's a slight difference in my eyes. An unadventurous eater will stick rigidly to the same few items whereas I think that a fussy eater may well extend their range as long as the offending items aren't included.

I don't think forcing yourself to keep on trying things you don't like works though. I have to force down olives. I'll never like them but I can eat them if pushed. If I eat olives every day from now until the day I die I don't think I'll ever like them. So if I'm in a restaurant I'll choose a dish that doesn't have olives because I'm paying for the pleasure of eating out. Some people see it as fussy. I don't care too much

Haven't read the rest of the thread, but had to comment based on OP.

I am the fussiest eater you will ever meet. Here is a list of things I don't like:

• meat
• fish
• most dairy. can just about stomach a bit of chocolate on occaision
• soya/tofu products
• most veg (other than the tops of brocolli , bean sprouts and cucumber sticks)
• lumps (as in chunks in soup, mash, anything)
• runny/watery food (soup is fine, but noodles/ramen in water VOM)
• Chewy food
• hard food

I genuinely survive off carbs. When I find a new food I like, it usually ends up just being some form of new carb (ie recently discovered cous-cous, but that isn't healthy unless it's with something!)

My mum said I was a nightmare to wean, and only drank milk until I was three. One day I drank so much I was sick, and haven't touched a drop since!

Every point in my life i've had people moaning at me to eat. I just physically can't put those things in my mouth. My stomach is flipping just thinking about it. At university, my housemates crumbled up some vitamins into my bag of rice, because they were genuinley concerned that's all I ate. I'm not small either, 5'7 and a size 14-16.

I would like help, beacuse I think I do have a form of an eating disorder. So you may think someone is being fussy, but in reality it's actually something huge that affects my life and just because you can put anything you want in your body, not everyone can!

Me and DP had a row last night over this topic. We are having our belated valentines dinner tonight. He wanted to go somewhere new and nice. I am obsessed with chain restaurants. I like the uniformness of the food. I know it will be the same as last time. THey tend to describe exactly what will be in it. (i like places like nandos or frankie and bennys. pizza express etc).

He's given me the option of a few italian restaurants since tehy are the best bet of serving a plainish pasta or pizza I can pick the cheese off of, and at least he gets a nice dinner! But I wanted to check the menus first and now the place is booked up! :(

I still get flashbacks to this day of a friends mum making us spag bol. The chewyness of the mince was awful. She wouldn't let me down from the table until I'd eaten it. I had one mouthful and sat there crying until my mum picked me up!

I have so many memories of high pressure eating situations as a kid! Another time a frineds mum made stir fry for dinner. I don't even remember what happened, just the dread when I saw it in a big bowl in the middle of the table!

The problem is that for many "fussy eaters", it is a real issue not an attention seeking ploy. Yes there are people that do that but generally they pick on anything they can to get attention so they can be safely ignored.

But for me, I eat a very limited diet these days because I am phobic about certain foods. It is a texture thing, in common with a lot of the posters on here. I can't help it, I don't do it to be difficult and I try and make sure that it doesn't impact on others. I cook a very large range of foods for the family, I just dont eat them myself.

I resent the implication that because someone chooses not to eat, or can't eat, certain things they are fussy. In my opinion they are simply exercising their right to choose their own diet, and you have no right to judge them. And frankly who gives a toss what someone else puts in their mouth or doesnt? I wish I had such pointless things to moan about.

Eggso,

You say that you want help with the matter,have you ever asked for a referral to any support services there are quite a few therapists who specialise in food issues.

I can understand your dh's frustration if 100% of the time your eating at places that have prepackaged processed food and he would prefer normal cooked food then 100% of the time your getting your choice and he's not getting his meaning your expecting him to do exactly what you won't all the time.

whereas I think that a fussy eater may well extend their range as long as the offending items aren't included.

I agree, Jins. While I am definitely a fussy eater, I don't identify at all with this image of someone who only eats the stuff they ate as a child. When I was a child my mum made me eat porridge every morning. I don't eat porridge anymore, because I don't like it. My mum was surprised to find out that I genuinely don't like porridge as an adult as she always thought I was just being picky as a child. On the other hand, I do now eat certain Chinese and Indian dishes that I have tried and liked (others I have tried and not liked), so would be happy to eat in a Chinese or Indian restaurant (Italian too, but I had pasta as a child).
The things that I have added to my range don't obviously contain things that I certainly don't like. Those, I still avoid.

Bogey, several people including myself have tried over and over to make it clear that there is a distinction between food issues and fussiness for the sake of it.

Lots of posters have also said that they only 'give a toss' about other people's eating habits when they impact on them ? when restaurant choice is severely limited because of fussy eaters, or if someone fussed and complained about the food served to them at a friend's house. It's not actually that 'pointless' to be pissed off, as I have been in the past, by 'friends' (with no allergies/genuine issues) who make faces/yuck noises at the food I've made for them, or tell me at self-satisfied length how they would have made the dish so it was nicer than my version, or check in advance that I'd have what they considered to be acceptable food in.

It's not pointless Bogey. People who are needlessly fussy about food and just refuse to try anything new impact on people who cook for them and people who socialise with them. Yes, they're entitled to decide what they put in their mouth, and we are entitled to 'moan about' it.

I will eat most things that are gluten free but I can and do play the fussy eater card on occasion.

There are two people that love to host but manage to destroy any food they attempt to cook. Other friends wish they'd thought of it :)