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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to wish my dd would go out? I probably am!

35 replies

Pricklypickup · 16/02/2013 09:10

Today is my dh's birthday. Our youngest child is going out this morning and won't be back until tomorrow lunch time.

I asked my 16 dd during the week if she'd consider seeing if friends were around to go and visit this weekend as dh and I would like to have time just the two of us and she may get bored/lonely.

I just asked her what her plans are and she said she's going to stay at home this weekend, and complete her homework and tidy her bedroom.

Yes I'm lucky that she wants to be with her family.

But I'm also knarked that for dh and I to have any alone time we have to go out, which means spending money as too cold/wet for anything else, and it also means that it'll be three for dinner not two.

BTW I'm not showing dd my unhappiness as I don't want her to feel unwelcome in her own home, but boy I wish she'd go out occassionally for longer than a couple of hours.

OP posts:
antsypants · 16/02/2013 09:12

Is this a joke?

Your DD obviously wants to spend some time with her family, at 16 years old? You should be snapping her hand off.

Grow up and include your daughter ffs.

Mogandme · 16/02/2013 09:13

Will she not spend most if her time in her room. can't you tell her to make herself dinner as you two will be eating later?

orangeandlemons · 16/02/2013 09:15

Our teenagers never went anywhere ever. There were 3 of them. We never ever had anytime alone.

They've all left now...your time will come

Original poster
Pricklypickup · 16/02/2013 09:23

I know I should be grateful - and 99% of the time I am. She's lovely. She comes home from school, spends the evenings with us, plays great with her younger sibling. Goes to clubs on a couple of evenings a week. Never moans about visiting elderly relatives.

But never leaves us alone. One day is all I ask - but yes it's true when she flies the nest she'll be gone and then I'll miss her lots.

OP posts:
LeftMeInSuspenders · 16/02/2013 09:31

As a teen I was like your DD. My parents were worried it wasn't 'normal' for a teen to stay home so much and not be out with friends.

Then I turned 18 and you couldn't keep me away from pubs/clubs/mates and my Mum would nag that she missed me as she never saw me anymore!

Like a previous poster said- try to enjoy it as it may be gone tomorrow.

BlackholesAndRevelations · 16/02/2013 10:11

Oh bless her. I hope my DD wants to spend time with her family when she's 16. I can understand your desire to be alone but as others have said, it will happen and then you'll miss her terribly

Feminine · 16/02/2013 10:16

I can't imagine wanting any of my children out of the way Confused

and I have a teen too! Wink

ImperialBlether · 16/02/2013 11:17

There's nothing wrong with the OP wanting to spend time alone with her husband. I think it's great that she and he have such a close bond that they love having time together.

Sorry, OP, you'll have to grit your teeth and put up with a threesome. Could you two go out to dinner? Book a hotel for the afternoon?

It's like being a teenager again, isn't it, having to sneak around to have time together?

MayTheOddsBeEverInYourFavour · 16/02/2013 11:24

We have a lock on our bedroom door so if we want some time alone we make a picnic to eat in bed and watch a dvd, have a bottle of wine etc it's lovely Smile

Tryharder · 16/02/2013 11:24

Is your DH your DD's father? If not, are you feeling pressure from him to get her out of the way? You talk as if your DD is a lodger. Did you really ask her to get out of her own home so you and your DH could be alone?!

INeedThatForkOff · 16/02/2013 11:55

What a shame for your daughter. You're behaving as if she's a visitor who's outstayed her welcome. No doubt she'll pick up on the cues and leave soon enough.

seeker · 16/02/2013 11:59

At 16 I would say to her "dad and I are having a special birthday dinner tomorrow night- would you mind eating on your own early?" My dd would be more than fine with that- and would probably get bossy about what I was to wear and cook and so on!

Original poster
Pricklypickup · 16/02/2013 12:13

No he's dad - in fairness he's not bothered at all. As all at home anyway he's decided to get on with some work, she's not extracted herself from laptop, and I'm pretending to be cleaning whilst mning.

She's instructed us what dinner is :) Brussel sprouts feature not sure how impressed dh will be at that element, but the beef stew will be greatly appreciated.

I was just disappointed this morning, but now fine with it, and we'll no doubt play a board game all together this evening.

OP posts:
seeker · 16/02/2013 12:25

There is absolutely no reason why you can't have a grown up dinner as well- you have rights too! She can watch a move in her room, can' she? Just don't chuck her out of the house

Dromedary · 16/02/2013 12:32

YANBU. Can you occasionally arrange for both of your children to go on holiday or at least a sleepover with friends or relatives? You did spell out to your DD that you would like her to go out for a bit, and she said no. But I think teenagers tend to be focused on their own wants.

StepAwayFromTheEcclesCakes · 16/02/2013 14:49

do what we did on valentines... bribed DS2 with a pizza and coke which he ate in his room and we had romantic candle lit dinner for two downstairs. He was more than happy.

Raise · 16/02/2013 15:52

YABU: you are a family not just a couple. My parents acted like you when I was a teen, wanting me out the house or just acting like I wasn't there and my wishes didn't matter. All that mattered was their relationship. I felt excluded from my own family. Tbh this attitude disgusts me and you need to make sacrifices for your children, you are not newly weds. How can you be so selfish. Its her house too you can't just kick her out, where's she going to go?

zwischenzug · 16/02/2013 16:00

She didn't ask to be born, you made that choice, so she's here now and it's your obligation to give her a home until she's an adult. You can't just turf her out as you don't want to share. You made your choice 16 years ago.

Almostfifty · 16/02/2013 16:03

She's talking about one night Raise. One night.

I really think that spending time alone is important for your relationship as well as spending time together as a family.

Just prepare it better next time, tell her to get a pal over for a sleepover, disappear to a hotel and leave them to it.

mamalovesmojitos · 16/02/2013 16:07

No need to be so harsh to the op, she just wants some time with her dh, one-to-one. It's not a crime! We all need a break from the children on occasion. it doesn't mean she doesn't love her dd.

zwischenzug · 16/02/2013 16:12

Having some time alone is fine, expecting your kids to fuck off out of their home as part of it is not. How would most parents react to their kids saying "I need some time away from you, GTFO'? Not well I imagine.

thebody · 16/02/2013 16:14

Ah she sounds sweet. Understand you op but make the most of her ax Dhs will soon fly the nest.

Didn't get the sprouts bit though, you should be picking your own food.

mynewpassion · 16/02/2013 16:14

Spend the money and go out with your DH. Yes, its shitty outside but instead of complaining about your DD staying in, just spend a bit of the money and buy less brussel sprouts in the coming weeks.

MrsMillions · 16/02/2013 16:15

My parents used to have what would now be called a "date night" every Saturday. Me and sis would eat alone earlier, whereas the rest of the week we all ate together. Parents would eat later with us either in bed when little or watching TV/out when older. They'd get out the posh china, have some wine, music etc, and eat things we didn't like. (I know this from the inevitable occasions I disturbed them...but they were always very good about it.) Being able to do this was actually a factor in them picking a house with separate dining room and lounge when we moved just as I started high school, knowing we'd be staying up later. I'm sure it's one of the reasons their marriage has stayed strong, and plan to do something similar myself (DC1 due in July).

seeker · 16/02/2013 16:18

A 16 year old is perfectly capable of understanding that her parents would like to have dinner alone, for heaven's sake! Just discuss it with her- there is a middle ground between chucking her out to walk the streets and spending the evening as a threesome playing scrabble!