Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To hate the school gate

163 replies

littlebillie · 15/02/2013 18:56

That's it I hate it!

OP posts:
Pagwatch · 16/02/2013 11:04

Yep. I am touchy. Being touchy is all i have todo all day once the lemon drizzle cake is made Grin

I am sure there are horrible people out there.
I would just rather a mum standing on her own was able to think/recognise that she isn't being ignored or snubbed. That must be so awful - to genuinely feel deliberately excluded.

It's much more likely to be just people gravitating towards those they know best and, recognising that, is much easier on the old self esteem and more likely to help a person often standing alone to try and make a connection with someone if that's what they want.

If my dc went to school and said 'all the other kids hate me and are horrid to me' I would hope I would say 'I don't think that's likely to be true so let's try and figure out what is going on and see if we can help you get to know some of them ' rather than saying 'you're right. They are a bunch of cliquey shits. Fuck em'

Pagwatch · 16/02/2013 11:08

Grin at Rooney .
They will get to secondary eventually then you can stay at home.
I know what you mean.I have been known to spend 15 minutes texting anyone I can think of on an antisocial day.

scottishmummy · 16/02/2013 11:09

lol,passive aggressive say something arsey but too cluck cluck to not strikeout
of course op,others are making it up.school is a hugathon of housewives and lurve
in my short primary time I do find it all v peculiar,but hey ho don't do it daily so what the he'll

Maryz · 16/02/2013 11:11

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

scottishmummy · 16/02/2013 11:18

I can only definitively speak of my schoolgate experience,as can others
no one here can extrapolate that their experience is the norm.it isn't
I,as have others have observed some unpleasant behaviours,iknow. that there are cliques and carry ons. however, because some one else has not had this experience doesn't mean it isn't so

everlong · 16/02/2013 11:19

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

scottishmummy · 16/02/2013 11:22

meals,kids parties,yes me too I've never had problems with anyone.not there enough
maybe you're one of the scary mums but don't know it,maybe you're a queen bee mum?

everlong · 16/02/2013 11:31

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MyDarlingClementine · 16/02/2013 11:36

Everlong,

My school does that too, but I couldn't bring myself to go, I am pathetically shy. And I know the ladies who go along as said many times before already all know each other quite well.

Its the same at the parties now - they all know each other really well.

It not impossible but it is hard. If your already a little stressed about other things, or tired with young babies etc, it is hard.

Having said that I am also quite defiant. A Queen Bee mum was organising teachers presents and set a money limit, it was too much for us at the time, and I didnt like the teacher. She was quite rude about our offered contribution.

It would have been easier to contribute more but we didnt, and we hold our heads high. At the end of term I shall be choosing - if I want too my own gift for the teacher.

scottishmummy · 16/02/2013 11:39

scary?lol,that funny,far too nice for that accolade

Mumblepot26 · 20/02/2013 08:08

I collect twice a week, very often rushing...or appearing to ignore mums I know really well, have got drunk with, had round for Sunday lunch, done play dates with, basically that i really like. It's NOT personal, just in a bloody hurry to get to ballet, home for tea, to the shops....blah blah......

Mumblepot26 · 20/02/2013 08:14

Ps. I really want to get to know the 'shy' mums, so come along to the drinks get togethers .....etc you might be surprised to find we are human, and have the same tendency to bitch or not as any other group of women....yes there are some stupid queen bee, small minded mum's, but in my experience they are in the minority....

penelopepissstop · 20/02/2013 10:42

I have to agree. Some women seem to regress back to their 12 year old selves in my experience. It took me a while to work it out but now I just stick to the people who appear to be decent. Even they can be funny if they're feeling that way out. The GP getting involved threw me for a few days but she was OK, nay, great when I saw her at the surgery the other day so, even that showed me how much the school gate/playground can affect people!

maisiejoe123 · 20/02/2013 18:13

Its funny, at drop off I literally drop off at the 'drop off place' and then drive off. The home time varies depending on whether DS has an activity or not so it isnt a mad scramble where everyone is at the gate at 1600.

However I often work at home (trackies and no make up). Well, I picked up DS a few months ago straight from work. One of the Mum's (not english I have to say!) said I looked fantastic and had I had a facelift!!

So, you think you have issues.....

libelulle · 20/02/2013 18:40

What I really hate about these threads is the smug superiority of those who imply that worrying about school gate politics is somehow small-minded and insignificant. They don't worry about it because they have much more weighty issues to deal with in their life.

School is a major part of your child's life and when they start off, getting to know other parents is a perfectly reasonable and sane expectation/desire. The school gate is a key part of that process. It's neither petty nor ridiculous. It is irrelevant if you work or not - most parents at DD's school do work but still find 5 minutes to chat before the gates open.

By the by, god forbid that anyone join the PTA and actually seek to improve their local school. Why is participating in local life somehow something that is acceptable to sneer at so nastily on MN? The chair of our school governors has been a SAHD for 20 years, and I reckon he's contributed a hell of a lot more to society than the person merrily swanning off to their oh-so-important job in IT procurement or garden centre middle management or whatever, which apparently means they MUST be in and out of school within 50 seconds, and certainly couldn't possibly spare 5 minutes out of their busy, busy lives to talk to other parents. Depressing stuff.

scottishmummy · 20/02/2013 18:50

You reckon the househusband is mover shaker cause he does PTA.haha
Schoolgate is a bigger deal if you're housewife as is bigger part of your mileu
I hear and see the carry on fortunately I keep clear.and PTA are the same queen bee type as school gates

libelulle · 20/02/2013 19:01

No I don't think he's a mover shaker, whatever that means. I just reckon he's done loads to make DD's school a better place, and sneering at that just makes you sound like an incredibly unpleasant person.

I work, and I have a strong network of friends that have nothing to do with DD's school. I still want to get to know the parents of kids in her class because school is important and it's also helpful to have people who can help out and do pick-ups in an emergency.

You know, paid work doesn't in itself act as any kind of measure of a person's value. To me, the fact that you work is of far less significance than the fact you think it's ok to sneer at other people because they don't...

Springdiva · 20/02/2013 19:06

I think it's because it is an artificial social group. No one plans a social get together with people not of your choice where much of the conversation can be heard by others who may or may not be in your group.

Even if I stood with people I knew well the conversation was a bit boring to say the least.

Also the obvious subject would be the DCs, teachers etc and naturally that is a complete nono as there is a risk of competition with the DCs or criticism with the teachers which would be heard by others so not acceptable.

So upshot is there is buggar all to say, it is a bit uncomfortable, and that brings out the snotty cow in certain of the group.

There is also the question as to why everyone feels they must be there. Prob because of belief that DCs must see beloved parent waiting for their appearance out of school therefore said parent is bestest ever and DC will feel secure and confident (regardless of parent's confidence being in tatters).

scottishmummy · 20/02/2013 19:13

Fact is you're in a complete strop that I'm not whoop di doop about PTA and a househusband
if you have so little disdain for work,who/what fills your fridge?pays the mortgage?
Thing us you've said sneery twice now why are you touchy that schoolgate isnt highly significant to me

Angelfootprints · 20/02/2013 19:16

Libeluee already said she does work.

Epic fail.

libelulle · 20/02/2013 19:19

Blimey, there's someone who is being stroppy on this thread and it certainly isn't me!

I don't care if the school gate is significant to you or not, but I was calling you on the fact that you are belittling the very idea that anyone could care about something so 'insignificant'.

And I don't disdain work - I do it so I can pay the mortgage and fill the fridge. Unlike you, I just don't think it says anything about my moral or social worth.

scottishmummy · 20/02/2013 19:25

You can call me (as you colloquially put it) as you wish.Naturally I dont agree,
I do care about education,the rapport and communication between parent/school
the school gate,the PTA,it's simply froth,with no significance to me

scottishmummy · 20/02/2013 19:33

Libe,re-read your own Ill tempered posts to me
2sneery's, 1incredibly unpleasant person
I haven't called you any such names.I fear it's you who's stropy

Nicnocknoo · 20/02/2013 19:40

I don't enjoy the school gate thing. I know most of the mums and all of the staff but sometimes I prefer to stand alone and not speak to any of them. I won't join a group already chatting but am quite happy to stand and wait for my dc. The groups that have formed no longer upset me like they did in the early days.

I arrive as close to doors opening time as I can usually.

I sometimes think people see me coming and avoid me (in case I ask them for something) although friends have assured me it's not the case.

I am the Chair of the PTA and have been for the past three years but I'm not a dominant type at the school gate.

maisiejoe123 · 20/02/2013 19:47

I have to say, not the centre of my universe tbh. More things to worry about in life.