To hate the school gate

[littlebillie]

That's it I hate it!

I'm usually only just on time so no chance to actually chat to people

I smile at anyone I recognise and say hello.

at ds old school it was horrid. there was a clear queen bea. you could watch from a distance and be a 100% sure on who they where slagging boffins as they'd point. throw daggers speak loudly.

ds new school... it's lovely.. there's still groups that stand together every morning.. but everyone says hi or smiles ... no school yard feelings at all.

I heart it.

I relize this isnt helpful to you but uanbu

As I said. This is in people's heads. Grow up.

After I got ^really^ stressed out by the school playground when dd started, I've now completely relaxed and when ds started I was really chilled.

I was lucky enough to find some really close friends at my original ante-natal class, and nearly 9 years on we're still close even though all our dcs go to different schools. I thought when dd started school I would find similar. I didn't. I felt fairly out of place.

However, I stayed friendly and chatty and a few years on I have actually found some good friends at the school who I see socially. They are not my closest friends but they are fun, friendly and generous. Half of them are not from my dd year let alone her class!

My dd has 'chosen' some friends who I don't know their parents at all. One boy she particularly likes is the youngest of 4. One day at a party I found his mum and made myself talk to her. She was really nice. She said she couldn't be bothered at all with the 'school gate' as she'd been through it 3 times before. She just slips in and out with minimal fuss. I liked her attitude.

The school gate is what you make it. Some days I'm standing in a group talking to my friends. Maybe people see it as a clique? It really isn't. It's just a group of friends. We would never turn our backs on anyone.

Other days I stand on my own or talk to someone new if the chance takes me. It really doesn't bother me now.

As others have said. Smile. Be friendly. Just do your own thing with confidence. Believe me, people are too busy to care too much or ^notice^ how you may perceive things.

The school gate is like a work piss up. You chat to one person. Later you/they spot someone else. You/they engage that someone else while the other person does likewise. Transfer that to the school gate then you got a bunch of ladies going on about being excluded or bitchy mums turning their backs on you to talk to another parent.

Sorry OP but I find that the moms bitching about school gate politics are the problem as opposed to being observers of the problem.

if you agog at my school,read the other posts they're way scarier
seems pretty standard that schoolgate provokes a string reaction on mn
for this of you of have serene walk by and collect, well done you're in minority

one can only subjectively tell it as it is,from their experience
if it's a)torturous or b) peachy c)no biggie then that is how it is fir that person
I wonder if the mums who think it's great,no problemo aren't in fact the problem.seeing they seem seem to have such a great time

I want someone just one day to post
'aibu to be annoyed that women outside my clique try to talk to me at the school gate'

If there are whole schools filled with women who snub just one poor mumsnetter you would think one would occasionally turn up on here.
I have read 'bloody schoolmate mums - they are all so rude and ignore me' so often yet never ever ever read 'I just like totalk to the people I approve of and don't like outsiders or new people so I just ignore them'

It's almost as if there is a complete misunderstanding of what is happening somewhere along the line.

It's really tough to feel self conscious and on the outside and it can make you feel left out. But actually convincing yourself that every other parent at the school gate is snubbing you is unlikely to be true and not really going to help matters at all.

If iturn up and there is no one I know I may say hi to whoever is nearest or I might just stand on my own. But even if I feel aware that a bunch of women near me might be chatting gaily I recognise that they are not intending to exclude anyone else. They are just chatting.

I hate it too. Not because folk are unfriendly, but because they are too bloody friendly and I never get to stand on my own, in a sleep deprived haze, ignoring everyone.
Someone always wants to chat and I'll look like a miserable bastard if I don't, but it's such hard work. I always go away and worry about what I have said.

And then there's people trying to poke my baby, or carry him when I don't really want them to, or trying to take my older ones for playdates which I then feel guilty about as I can't reciprocate.

So count yourself lucky being ignored!

(disclaimer - I love all these people. They are great, I'm just SOOOO TIRED)

well as many,numerous threads on mn attest schoolmate politics is a biggie
in your subjective experience not such big deal. but not the definitive experience
clearly it ranges,from school to school and how it impacts.I smile,walk,wave

don't get involved but I've been told of the shenanigans that go on. I see the carrying on.I suppose it depends if you want be more involved with school mums,or perhaps if one is a housewife it has bigger impact as you do it daily and see them?

When I used to turn up with DS2 his behaviour was so bizarre I would clear a whole space around me like a little exclusion zone. You could have stood with me.

I'm amazed at all these people who would rather be talking to a random group of mums than chat to your dc who you haven't seen all day and are trying to tell you about their day.

And why do people think it's ok to interrupt a conversation you are having with your child?

Absolutely! People at the school gate are just people! they aren't a different species. And I hate all this "clique" talk. A group of people standing together are not a clique. They are people who happen to know each other. And they got to know each other by talking- not standing around thinking "well, she needs to talk to me first- I'm not talking to her, the stuck up cow"

lol,don't be ridiculous I dont immediately cease every,any conversation in case I miss any precious interaction with my dc
i acknowledge dc,finish off what I was saying.I don't terminate all other interactions
but given I used nursery ft from 6 mths I don't sweat it about what precious moments I may have missed whilst they at school

I agree Pag, its not so bitchy its just people chatting.
However it is hard when people do know each other quite well. They look out for each other and naturally want a bit of a catch up.

But having said that, I did over hear some rather questionable ladies really laying into a lady they thought was a little above herself because her job required her to go to New York.....

oh aren't some of you touchy!why it's so hard to bear there are some odd uns at school
this is the online equivalent of never happens at my school,so can't be true?
thats just willfully choosing what one will or will not accept and going la la la

And they got to know each other by talking- not standing around thinking "well, she needs to talk to me first- I'm not talking to her, the stuck up cow"

agree Seeker but especially where we are most of the mums seem to have already met at other things affiliated to the school pre school.
When you go to a party and a room is full of people, do you naturally make your way over to your friend who you can see, or do you randomly chat?

You may randomly chat and indeed shag much later on, but when you first walk into the party, your much more likely to seek out your friends.

Pag It isn't that I'm popular. It's that our class 1 teacher is always the last to come and fetch them in in the morning, and the last to bring them out in the afternoon so we're all bloody stuck there for 20 minutes with nothing else to do.

I quite often don't really want to chat but everyone is so nice, it's hard not to. I can't wait till it is over, though - as soon as ds1 was old enough to be left at the gate, his brother started reception - and when ds2 is old enough, ds3 will start. Argh. But I cannot complain, it's not like people are horrible - I'm just a completely antisocial cow!