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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To hate the school gate

163 replies

littlebillie · 15/02/2013 18:56

That's it I hate it!

OP posts:
scottishmummy · 15/02/2013 23:25

a fight?yikes.the wags wouldn't wrestle their ugg opts off for no one
it's more the face and titte tattle over who said what about whom

DonderandBlitzen · 15/02/2013 23:26

Ooh that sounds a bit more serious Akaemma. Shock Wouldn't want to see that. Was thinking more of a bit of screeching and mild prodding. Grin

EnjoyResponsibly · 15/02/2013 23:26

Scotttish I admire your Ninja pick up skills. Do you do that with tights and a cape Grin

whattodoo · 15/02/2013 23:28

I agree with my darling. I'm shy and my (reception age) dd didn't go to the school preschool/nursery. So many friendship groups have been formed and its bloody hard to break in.

The reason I'm trying to form friendships with the other mums is that my dd is shy too and has found it difficult to from friendships with her classmates who went to preschool together.

I want to make mum friends so that I can get some play dates for dd.

Grr.

scottishmummy · 15/02/2013 23:29

aha,no sheppey does the 50sec pickup not me
she's the master of skillful timing
50sec, that's swooooosh and in, oot

akaemmafrost · 15/02/2013 23:29

It was funny when I reported it to friends and ex H afterwards, but not funny seeing it. Some kids were really scared, some kids carried on as if nothing was happening Hmm, luckily mine had already gone in so I was able to hang around and watch the whole thing. I felt sorry for the one who only had flip flops on, she was up against big white trainers Sad.

whattodoo · 15/02/2013 23:29

In fact, I joined the pta in a bid to get to know others better.

scottishmummy · 15/02/2013 23:30

invite folk over for a tea what, smaller scale easier to handle for you and dd

EnjoyResponsibly · 15/02/2013 23:32

The thing is, who you form a friendship with won't influence your DCs friends. Kids just don't work that way. And what happens if your DC falls out with your new BFF's DC?

Swallow hard, walk up to someone and just chat. Then do the same with someone else. Lather, rinse, repeat.

whattodoo · 15/02/2013 23:36

Fair point enjoy. Its just such a hard slog!

neverputasockinatoaster · 15/02/2013 23:44

I'm sort of on some kind of black list Grin

DS was being tormented and retaliated. (Totally unacceptable I know I dealt with it)

One of the mums of the children tormenting him has decided I wasn't harsh enough children and will no lQueen Bee so I can be deep in conversation with another mum and then QB will rock up and other mum will tail off our conversation.......

Luckily the parents in DD's class haven't been copied into the memo so they still chat to me.

I work part time so do pick up 3 days a week and drop off one day.

neverputasockinatoaster · 15/02/2013 23:45

My last post was drivel. I have no idea what it was meant to say!

scottishmummy · 15/02/2013 23:49

heehee I liked the blacklist,then it went all surreal

neverputasockinatoaster · 15/02/2013 23:52

I am definitely on a black list!

I think I meant that the mum will no longer speak to me as I have not had DS flogged. She is a bit of a Queen Bee so none of the other mums of children in DS's class are allowed to speak to me........

MyDarlingClementine · 15/02/2013 23:53

Whattodo

Has joining the PTA helped?
I do feel you can miss the boat a bit if your not in there right at the start.
And on the rare days when I have had a chat with someone, I have said to myself after ' So My Darling, you were having a nice chat there, did you notice the parent standing alone anywhere or the person looking akward?"

It can be soul destroying, I admit I have one person in mind who lives near me, I can see we would never be close friends, but I have always tried to make an effort, smile, invited her over, and also lobbied on her behalf over a mutual problem, when I had a break through invited her to join me to see if it would help her, etc etc etc. I get " I ll pop in for coffee and see you soon".

I had never approached her in the play ground, but once went up to - update her about this break through I had had, and the lady she was talking to moved away for a moment, I said 'hi' and was told to step away and that she was still in the middle of a conversaton with someone else. the way she said it you would think I had done this a million times, she had so much firmness but also alot of patience in her voice.

Its just so hard having to walk past her everyday or catch each others eye as we drive by each other back to the same road. I just wonder what she ever thought i wanted from her, We live near each other the school is a fairish distance away we both have small children!

If she didnt live so close it wouldnt be an issue but we are in each others faces nearly every single fucking day!

DonderandBlitzen · 16/02/2013 00:08

whattodoo I would do it the other way round to be honest. ie. Ask your dd if there is anyone she would like to have over to tea and then you will get to know the mum a bit when she comes over, even if she doesn't stay but just comes for a cuppa at the end.

theisleofsheppey · 16/02/2013 00:09

I do like being caricatured as rushes about working mum suits me just fine

exactly Grin

cluttercluttereverywhere · 16/02/2013 00:17

This is scaring me. Do you really have to talk to other parents in the playground to get your DC accepted at school? Can't they just go to school to learn & have fun, without the parents having to worry about schoolyard politics?

Can't you just drop your DC outside the gates 30 mins before school, picking up 30 mins after school finishes? Is that not the done thing these days?

seeker · 16/02/2013 00:28

You do realize that when you think somebody is ignoring you so you don't talk to them are thinking that you are ignoring them so they aren't talking to you!

And what you see as a clique is actually 3 people having a chat.

Anomaly · 16/02/2013 00:30

I think if you're involved in school gate politics you should probably take a look at your birth certificate to check you shouldn't actually still be at school. Or maybe you're just paranoid.

There is one lady I see everyday she often walks past me and her son and mine often have a chat. We have had the odd conversation but generally she and I don't talk beyond a hello. I don't take her reluctance to chat to me as some sign that I'm beneath her or that she doesn't like my child. She's just not a chatty sort unlike me who will talk to anyone.

superstarheartbreaker · 16/02/2013 00:56

You see most of my true friendships were formed BEFORE dd started school so anyone I meet at the gates are just randoms I chat to. Don't see it as a way of making friends and you'll be fine.

anonymosity · 16/02/2013 01:01

I hate it too despite there always being some really nice people to say hello to - I just don't always feel like dealing with it/ smiling / having to brush my hair to leave the house!

IsThatTrue · 16/02/2013 01:26

Just talk to everyone I was really shy when dd started nursery/school and didn't make any friends, felt I was being ignored and looked down on (I was 21 when dd started school, you do the math :) ). But with ds1 I just spoke to absolutely everyone and realised the problem was me. Now I'm probably seen as a crazy lady because I talk to parents of children in other years too! I say good morning to everyone I walk passed on the way back home too, as I see them every morning why not?

anonymosity · 16/02/2013 01:49

But sometimes thats the problem - you don't feel like saying hello to everyone, its exhausting!Blush

giraffesCantFlipPancakes · 16/02/2013 01:55

I love the school gate, get to have a gossip with friends. If no one I know to chat to will stand in peace and browse MN or FB. Or make small talk with someone depending on my mood.