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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be grieving for my little cat

88 replies

kizzie · 15/02/2013 14:43

I've specifically not posted this on the pet boards because i wanted a wider set of views.

My lovely little cat died suddenly on Tuesday. She was only 7. I was away on business but she seemed completely fine when I left on monday. She started struggling to breathe on Tuesday morning and DH took her straight to the vets. They kept her in an oxygen tent all day and did lots of tests which showed heart failure and severe anaemia. She seemed to be improving a little and they were going to give her a blood transfusion but she sadly died late afternoon :-(

The vets have been fantastic. They let me go and see her when I got back and have been really kind. Ive no doubt that they did everything they could for her.

I was very very upset on tuesday but have been really knocked sideways by just how devastated DH and I feel about it. We have buried her in the garden which felt like the right thing but we both feel that we are really grieving.

Ds's also very upset - but I 'expected' that.

TBH I feel slightly shocked and embarrassed at just how upset I am. i really do feel like Im grieving a family member. Like everyone Ive gone through my own share of family bereavments and part of me is thinking 'she was only a cat!' but she was a really important part of our family.

Just wondered what others thought....

OP posts:
Original poster
kizzie · 15/02/2013 19:41

I think I'll go and get a lovely plant tomorrow

OP posts:
MsTakenidentity · 15/02/2013 19:41

So sorry OP Thanks. Grief for an animal companion doesn't detract from feelings on the loss of a relative. Both are equally valid, but different iyswim.

Original poster
kizzie · 15/02/2013 19:44

Meant to say - the other thing that has made me feel a bit better is that in late october she needed some treatment on her teeth and had to have light anaesthetic. Ahead of this she had to have full blood tests and everything was all clear. So at least we know that she hadnt been quietly suffering for a long time.
The vet said that things like this can come on very quickly.

OP posts:
greenhill · 15/02/2013 19:58

YANBU
She was a member of your family and you loved her. She loved you too.

There is no such thing as being 'only a cat'. People that say that have no soul IMO.

cate16 · 15/02/2013 20:00

I feel your pain. :( :( x

Out poor cat died this morning, he was chased by two dogs that got into our garden last night. We think he may have had a heart attack. :(

We have buried him in the garden and me and DH cannot stop crying, in fact DH keeps going into the garden and sitting with him because he is convinced a fox will disturb the grave :(

WhatKindofFool · 15/02/2013 20:07

So sorry cate. X

fuckingpamela · 15/02/2013 20:08

Oh YANBU...

I have had two pets put to sleep this week through illness. I just keep thinking those poor little things. That was it..that was their life and it ended just so suddenly.

I don't mean to bring you down more. But atleast you know that many of us feel similar.
Hope you feel better soon Thanks

Goldrill · 15/02/2013 20:08

Oh Cate, that's awful - I'm so sorry.

YANBU at all OP. The first time I ever recall seeing my big, tough dad cry was when our family labrador was pts.

Original poster
kizzie · 15/02/2013 20:34

So sorry Cate and pamela Sad

Cayte we were told by someone to put some stones or a concrete slab eg over the space for a while till ground settles and that will stop another animal digging up (?)

OP posts:
MsTakenidentity · 15/02/2013 20:38

OP/Kizzie and cate16 + Pamela Sad Thanks Thanks Sad

catsmother · 15/02/2013 20:45

Another YANBU - there are no "rules" when it comes to grief. We mourn when we lose someone or something (though it seems terribly disrespectful to think of my cats as "somethings") dear to us and everyone takes their own time to process the situation.

I can still cry if I think about any of the cats I've lost over the years .... I lost my 1st cat 16 years ago and would still get emotional if I stopped to think about her too much. Ditto all the others. I've been knocked for six every time and have cried in a really uncontrollable and instinctive way where you just can't control yourself - have done that many times at the vet (I'm sure they've seen it all before). I'm almost embarrassed to admit that when I lost a particularly special pet a few years ago I spent a great deal of time crawling about on my hands and knees collecting his fur from the carpet, his bed etc - so now I have - at the back of a drawer somewhere - a little box full of ginger fur. I know that seems ridiculous but hopefully my "mad cat lady" behaviour proves to you that it's not abnormal to feel very upset when a beloved pet dies.

My mum refused to have another pet ever again after she her last one died - her reasoning being that it was too upsetting to see them suffer and, often, have to make the decision to PTS. Yes - I know that's awful, and I know at some point I will have to go through that all again at least 3 times more (and with future cats too no doubt) but the way I try to see it is that my grief is a small price to pay in exchange for all the years of pleasure that a pet gives you for the rest of its life. I also understand how it feels to contemplate getting another pet ..... and have to admit that whenever I've "replaced" one cat with another I've felt very "guilty" and it's taken me a while to bond. However, I see it as if a "vacancy" has been created then I'm doing a good thing by giving another cat in need of a home their chance of a decent life. I know from past experience that the bonding thing is my problem and, as a cat lover, I have always bonded after a while anyway as you get to know them and their personalities so the "guilt" thing doesn't bother me too much as I know it'll come good - if all that makes sense ? Obviously though only you can tell when you'll feel comfortable about considering another pet - and I think I would have been extremely annoyed if anyone had suggested I "should" get another cat almost immediately afterwards - though this has always been at the back of my mind even when I'm a blubbering mess - guess because I feel so strongly about all the cats needing homes. You'll know when the time's right for you.

Take care, and sorry for your loss ..... and for everyone else who's lost pets recently.

cate16 · 15/02/2013 20:46

kizzie - we have put a metal sheet across it (and a wheelbarrow that he loved sitting in :). ) over it, but DH just keeps getting upset about it.

It's just so hard isn't it. :(

MsAkimbo · 15/02/2013 20:49

YANBU. So sorry for your losses, OP, Cate and Pamela.

I tried to type something profound but started welling up Sad

They are family. The way we care for animals is an extention of the way we treat each other. You have every right to grieve Thanks

OverlyYappy · 15/02/2013 20:50

She wasn't 'only a cat' she was a family member, I used to breed cats and part of the reason I stopped was the heartbreak at them leaving, I realise they were going to homes etc but it still hurt, I would be/will be devastated when mine go, I have 3 cats, they are all part of our family Thanks

Original poster
kizzie · 15/02/2013 20:59

cate one of hardest things has been seeing DH so upset. Very unusual for him.

I'm a bit overwhelmed by all these lovely messages.

OP posts:
fuckingpamela · 15/02/2013 21:25

Thanks everyone for the Thanks

ElectricalBanana · 15/02/2013 21:30

my two old girls are 18 and we know they are on borrowed time....i could cry now thinking about the end.....

pookiecat · 15/02/2013 21:35

Had to add, miss my old girl [19 ] and its been over 4 yrs ago, they are part of you.. xxxx

ladymariner · 15/02/2013 21:48

YANBU......they're part of the family. Sending you Thanks and a very large un-mumsnetty hug xxx

MsTakenidentity · 15/02/2013 23:11

ElectricalBanana ..your girls are doing fab from the sound if it Smile. Similar to humans, [imho] the relatively short feline/canine lifespans are down to genetics more than lifestyles. xxx to all cat/dog owners [health problems prevent me from currently being one of you ] Smile

MsTakenidentity · 15/02/2013 23:15

Ditto muchso to pookiecat xx [yucky hugz emoticon ]

DupontetDupond · 15/02/2013 23:18

Yanbu. I cried when my last 2 cats died. They were part of the family.

Sorry you've lost your special puss

PoppyFleur · 15/02/2013 23:25

Yanbu. Cats have so much personality & leave such a gap when they are gone. One of our cats died 15 months ago, he was such a character & losing him broke my heart. He is buried in the garden in his favourite spot and we planted a rose bush in memory.

thebody · 15/02/2013 23:26

Of course not op , pets are family. So sorry for your loss.

Its one year on the 19th after our dd was badly injured in a coach crash on a school trip. Her teacher died.

When we finally got her home from France the first thing she was anxious about was her kitten. She was checking who she valued was alive or dead.

We live in permanent dread of loosing our cat to be honest.

Yrnbu.

thebody · 15/02/2013 23:27

Op not hijacking thread, sorry if did, hugs hugs cxxx

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