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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to be grieving for my little cat

88 replies

kizzie · 15/02/2013 14:43

I've specifically not posted this on the pet boards because i wanted a wider set of views.

My lovely little cat died suddenly on Tuesday. She was only 7. I was away on business but she seemed completely fine when I left on monday. She started struggling to breathe on Tuesday morning and DH took her straight to the vets. They kept her in an oxygen tent all day and did lots of tests which showed heart failure and severe anaemia. She seemed to be improving a little and they were going to give her a blood transfusion but she sadly died late afternoon :-(

The vets have been fantastic. They let me go and see her when I got back and have been really kind. Ive no doubt that they did everything they could for her.

I was very very upset on tuesday but have been really knocked sideways by just how devastated DH and I feel about it. We have buried her in the garden which felt like the right thing but we both feel that we are really grieving.

Ds's also very upset - but I 'expected' that.

TBH I feel slightly shocked and embarrassed at just how upset I am. i really do feel like Im grieving a family member. Like everyone Ive gone through my own share of family bereavments and part of me is thinking 'she was only a cat!' but she was a really important part of our family.

Just wondered what others thought....

OP posts:

Awizardsstaffhasaknobontheend · 15/02/2013 15:46

Give yourself a little time but I think having another cat is a GREAT thing to do. I think it can feel a bit disloyal but there are so many rescue cats desperate for a good, loving home (which yours clearly is!). When my 18yo ginger boy was PTS last year I was fortunate in that my daughter had had a kitten about 6 months before. The ginger was the creature that had got me through redundancy, moving house, divorce and single parenthood - no animal was more adored .... But having the kitten about gave me something soft and furry to cuddle which was very therapeutic. While he can never replace the old scraggy ginger boy, he is now equally adored in a completely different way.

lucertola28 · 15/02/2013 15:48

You poor thing, very sad to have a pet die.

I cried for 3 days when my lovely cat Mittens had to be put to sleep when she was 12 because of kidney disease. Was with her when she was put to sleep and got to say goodbye but was so sad an upset for ages. I actually took that day and the next off work (well it was work placement as part of course was doing). Still miss her several years later. My other cat had to be pts for same/similar medical reason except my parents took her to vet while I was at work as she seemed unwell and they decided to put her to sleep then, I was devasted did not get to say goodbye and was really hard as did not get to give her a last hug and pet. I also felt really guilty as she had got under my feet that morning (as cats do) and I had called her stupid. Of course she did not know but I felt so bad and was really upset.

Cats are lovely beautiful intelligent animals and ours were always such a part of the family very upsetting and sad when they die.

Lots of hugs for you, take the time to gieve, it is a sad loss and don't feel silly for your emotions, it is completely normal and understandable to be upset.

ArielThePiraticalMermaid · 15/02/2013 15:52

kizzie, I'm so sorry. To be honest, your post has made me cry and dread the day we lose our beloved cat who is 10 now.

YANBU at all. Pets brighten up our lives, but they don't last long enough.

Grief is grief, whether we feel it for an animal or a person.

cuteboots · 15/02/2013 15:58

YADNBU they become part of your family. I still miss my dog who died about 11 years ago. He was with me through some of the crap times in my life and I still get really upset when my mum gets the family piccies out and there he is ; 0 (

LadyBeagleEyes · 15/02/2013 16:04

As a pet owner, there would be something wrong with you if you didn't grieve for your little cat ,OP.
We have them because they bring pleasure and enchance our lives, of course we're going to love them and grieve at their passing.
I've found MN a brilliant place to go when you lose a pet, there's so many that totally understand what you're going through, just by this thread alone is proof of that.

zukiecat · 15/02/2013 16:12

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SmiteYouWithThunderbolts · 15/02/2013 16:20

YANBU, my little cat went missing for a couple of days last month and I was devastated thinking the worst had happened.

A furry little family member is still precious to you and it's perfectly understandable to grieve, especially given that she died so unexpectedly.

muffinino82 · 15/02/2013 17:05

Of course YANBU. I still grieve for our old baggage who was put down over 4 years ago, the one who died 3 years ago and my first little ginger witch who was put down in January this year. It makes me feel so sad they're no longer here but I comfort myself by knowing they had great lives. Grieve as much as you need, it's perfectly natural Maybe a couple of kits (from a rescue centre) may help?

Toughasoldboots · 15/02/2013 17:26

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

CheeseandPickledOnion · 15/02/2013 17:29

YANBU. They do become part of the family and it's devestating to lose a beloved pet.

kittensarecute · 15/02/2013 17:34

I was inconsolable when my first cat died. YANBU at all. My other cat was and still is such a comfort and she brings me so much joy. I still miss Simba though and think of him often.

SecretNutellaFix · 15/02/2013 17:38

Each and every pet makes a mark on you.

The people who generally say "it was just a..." tend not to get it. Why have pets if you aren't going to love them?

Every single pet we have had that has dies, I have grieved for.

YANBU OP. Sorry to hear about your little cat. FWIW, I had a cat die of heart failure when he was 8, he went downhill very quickly and was gone two weeks after diagnosis. In his sleep, the night I had made the decision to let the vet pts.

Cat98 · 15/02/2013 17:41

yanbu, I am so sorry x

Taffeta · 15/02/2013 17:47

YANBU, at all.

I was catless for 20 years, our family cat died when I was 21 and I was heartbroken. I remember sobbing in the bath.

I remember being scared before we got our cat 3 years ago about how devastated I will be when he dies. But you can't live your life in fear, they will die, we will be heartbroken, but oh the joy and love they give us in their time is so worth it.

Be gentle on yourself. Of course you must grieve. So sorry for your loss.

storytopper · 15/02/2013 17:49

So sorry to hear of your loss. Especially hard as you were away at the time and also because she was quite a young cat. I had several cats over the decades. Some lived to old age and one was killed by a car aged five - I still think about them and miss them all, but especially the one that died young.

When you feel ready, you may think about giving a home to another cat or kitten.

mumzy · 15/02/2013 18:35

YANBU i have a photo of beloved my cat ,who died 17 years ago, on my dressing table next to the one with my dcs. Unfortunately dh is allergic to anumal hair so can't have another . Grieving for a pet is entirely normal And a healthy response to death

mumzy · 15/02/2013 18:35

My beloved cat!

WhatKindofFool · 15/02/2013 18:38

YANBU. She sounds lovely. I still miss a cat I lost in April. I have a new one who I adore but I still miss my old fabulous cat.

crazynanna · 15/02/2013 18:46

So sorry of course YANBU...she was your friend and you were her 'person'.

Original poster

kizzie · 15/02/2013 19:12

Thank you for all these lovely messages. Helped me realise that it is normal to feel so upset.
Not sure if we did right thing burying her in the garden (I didnt know what to do for the best tbh) but hopefully that was best thing.

OP posts:

Sorelip · 15/02/2013 19:15

YANBU. I still get tearful now thinking about my cat, and I lost her about 4-5 years ago. She was about 21 years old when she went, so had good innings, but I still a mess when she had to be put to sleep.

I'm sorry for your loss.

WhatKindofFool · 15/02/2013 19:23

I buried my fabulous cat in the garden.i planted daffodil bulbs around her grave and I am looking forward to them flowering. I wanted to remember her fondly and somehow, the tending of her grave makes me feel as though I am still being grateful for the wonderful years she gave me. Her memory is important to me.
It is still very raw for you. Xx

moajab · 15/02/2013 19:31

Yanbu - I still cry about my cat who died in September. Although as a positive aside I noticed today that the rose bush we planted in her memory has flower buds on it - in February! Her birthday was February.

LimburgseVlaai · 15/02/2013 19:33

One of our two cats died in December, and I think of her most days. All of us were so upset, we were all crying including my husband. She was 12 years old but it was very sudden and harrowing.

We buried her in the garden with some pictures the DCs had drawn for her. I'm glad we did - somewhere to remember her.

Corygal · 15/02/2013 19:40

Just because someone isn't human doesn't mean they're not a person. YANBU. I am so sorry for your loss - what a shock.

RIP lovely kitty.

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