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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to be grieving for my little cat

88 replies

kizzie · 15/02/2013 14:43

I've specifically not posted this on the pet boards because i wanted a wider set of views.

My lovely little cat died suddenly on Tuesday. She was only 7. I was away on business but she seemed completely fine when I left on monday. She started struggling to breathe on Tuesday morning and DH took her straight to the vets. They kept her in an oxygen tent all day and did lots of tests which showed heart failure and severe anaemia. She seemed to be improving a little and they were going to give her a blood transfusion but she sadly died late afternoon :-(

The vets have been fantastic. They let me go and see her when I got back and have been really kind. Ive no doubt that they did everything they could for her.

I was very very upset on tuesday but have been really knocked sideways by just how devastated DH and I feel about it. We have buried her in the garden which felt like the right thing but we both feel that we are really grieving.

Ds's also very upset - but I 'expected' that.

TBH I feel slightly shocked and embarrassed at just how upset I am. i really do feel like Im grieving a family member. Like everyone Ive gone through my own share of family bereavments and part of me is thinking 'she was only a cat!' but she was a really important part of our family.

Just wondered what others thought....

OP posts:
IceAddict · 15/02/2013 23:29

YANBU sorry about your cat, we lost our cat when he was killed a year ago last october. I remember folding washing and sobbing, i didn't feel silly you shouldn't feel silly either. Grief is grief. If you are attached and the attachment is lost, you grieve. Allow yourself to be sad its ok and tears are therapeutic after al, it will gradually get easier, if you don't allow yourself to grieve you may feel worse about it later Thanks

kizzie · 15/02/2013 23:38

not in anyway thebody - what a terrible experience for you all Sad

OP posts:
thebody · 15/02/2013 23:45

Yes but just to demonstrate how much pets can heal / help us and are a parent of our families. Xx

Perriwinkle · 16/02/2013 00:03

You are absolutely not being unreasonable OP.

Your dear little cat was a hugely important part of your life for the time she was in it.

My own cat is almost 7 and I would be absolutely devastated if anything bad were to happen to him, let alone for him to die. I worry about him terribly if I can't find him and mother him and fuss over him all the time.

He is an enormously important part of my family, and my/our life.

I've had several beautiful cats as pets throughout my life and they have all been just as important to me and have all enriched my life. I would never have been without any one of them.

I've mourned them all deeply when they've gone, just as I have the human members of my family that I've lost.

Please, please don't feel embarrassed about your grief OP. It's perfectly natural and millions of people out there can relate to what you're feeling now.

I hope you'll be hurting less soon. Thanks

thebody · 16/02/2013 00:10

Totally periwinkle

DrCoconut · 16/02/2013 00:30

My Ginger tom cat died in 2008 of FIV and I still miss him. I was really upset at the time and it took me ages to "get over it". We have another cat who is lovely but cannot replace Ginger, he was unique and saw me through some tough times.

AtoZandbackagain · 16/02/2013 08:53

YANBU. She was part of your family.

I lost my cat last Nov. She was 14. I still cry a lot aboout losing her.

fourlovelypussycats · 26/02/2013 20:02

Kizzie, I just stumbled across your posting but it has really struck a cord with me. I'm not a human mum, medically it was not possible, but I've always had cats since I married my much older husband. My beloved Ginge and Tabs lived to a good age, then we lost them both in a very short space of time of one another. I just wailed and screamed and generally fell apart - they were my little babies and I could never love again.

Some months later, my best friend rescued a couple of kittens who had been abandoned and asked me to take them on. By then, I was feeling a need to fill the physical gap, and so agreed, but I knew in my heart that love would never be an issue. A good home - yes, and all the food medical attention and so on would be provided, but love forget it. My broken heart would never heal.

How wrong can you get? Ebony and Minx soon found a way into my heart. I found that you can never replace a cat, but each relationship is unique, and I learned to love again, as deeply as ever before, with the blessiing of my babies at peace at Rainbow Bridge.

Tragically, we lost Ebony at a very young age to a speeding car in our country lane, so more grieving, but little Minx really came into her own, and gave us much comfort and support, and especially now, as my husband is slowly losing his mind to Altzeimers. She gives him lots of cuddles and to me gives lots of fun. She is 7 years old but still thinks she's a kitten.

Kizzie, there are so many kitties out there needing a good break and all the love that is there inside you needs to find release. You never will replace, therefore you will never betray - each love story is unique, and your little one waiting for you at Rainbow Bridge will want you to find love again until you all meet again, never again to be parted.

God bless you, my daling at this very difficult time.

Caroline

Eliza22 · 26/02/2013 20:33

Awww, poor you. YANBU. I was exactly the same when I had to have my cat put down, at 13. He was irreplaceable. It was him and me when I was a young singleton and we saw a few bozos come and go, before I eventually married and had my son. He was just always there and I felt that if I'd had 25 years with him, it wouldn't have been long enough. He was a lovely, loving person, to me.

Take care of yourself Flowers

ErrorError · 26/02/2013 21:41

Of course YANBU. My little cat died nearly 3 weeks ago, she was only 4 (shot with an air rifle by some disgusting excuse for a human. Angry) I'd only adopted her 18 months ago, but even in that short time she had come to be a very special and much loved member of the family. It's terrible when it happens suddenly and in such a tragic way, but even the loss of an older cat as expected still leaves a massive gap in the family.

When my 14 year old cat died in 2010, I was truly devastated as I'd grown up with him. In fact I attended a funeral a couple of weeks later and I can honestly say I cried just as much (if not more) for my cat then, than I did for the person. It was a relief to grieve for him so openly and not have to explain it. I'm sure no-one would think you were weird or silly for grieving for your cat. And if they don't understand, I always identified with the saying, "Cats Are Like Music: It's foolish to try to explain their worth to those who don't appreciate them."

I hope you feel better soon Thanks

TidyDancer · 26/02/2013 21:47

What a lovely post Caroline, and how thoughtful of you to write that. :)

OP, YANBU. The thought alone of losing my precious dog brings me to the point of tears. I can't bare the idea that I won't have her forever.

Hope you are doing okay. x

TomArchersSausage · 26/02/2013 21:52

I'm so sorrySad Your little cat meant the world to you and losing her so suddenly must have been a terrible shock.

People who love a pet enjoy a very special relationship and friendship. It's only natural to grieve for that. It's amazing how such little creatures can fill such a big part in our hearts and family life.

TomArchersSausage · 26/02/2013 22:00

Some sad posts on hereSad So sorry for everyone mouring a wonderful pet.

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