Kizzie, I just stumbled across your posting but it has really struck a cord with me. I'm not a human mum, medically it was not possible, but I've always had cats since I married my much older husband. My beloved Ginge and Tabs lived to a good age, then we lost them both in a very short space of time of one another. I just wailed and screamed and generally fell apart - they were my little babies and I could never love again.
Some months later, my best friend rescued a couple of kittens who had been abandoned and asked me to take them on. By then, I was feeling a need to fill the physical gap, and so agreed, but I knew in my heart that love would never be an issue. A good home - yes, and all the food medical attention and so on would be provided, but love forget it. My broken heart would never heal.
How wrong can you get? Ebony and Minx soon found a way into my heart. I found that you can never replace a cat, but each relationship is unique, and I learned to love again, as deeply as ever before, with the blessiing of my babies at peace at Rainbow Bridge.
Tragically, we lost Ebony at a very young age to a speeding car in our country lane, so more grieving, but little Minx really came into her own, and gave us much comfort and support, and especially now, as my husband is slowly losing his mind to Altzeimers. She gives him lots of cuddles and to me gives lots of fun. She is 7 years old but still thinks she's a kitten.
Kizzie, there are so many kitties out there needing a good break and all the love that is there inside you needs to find release. You never will replace, therefore you will never betray - each love story is unique, and your little one waiting for you at Rainbow Bridge will want you to find love again until you all meet again, never again to be parted.
God bless you, my daling at this very difficult time.
Caroline