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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

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Original poster

The thread about SN should not have been deleted.

77 replies

akaemmafrost · 15/02/2013 12:48

It should be left to stand so people can see what we're up against 24/7.

I am not trying to stir anything but but I am really angry that that kind of thing is said and then it's just deleted till the next time.

I am not at all surprised at the ignorant attitudes displayed by some posters and after 6 years of it (since diagnosis) I have the hide of a rhino and fully expect to be on the receiving end of it by most people I have anything to do with including family members.

I have acceptance that I will be disbelieved and judged as a scamming, exaggerating benefits thief on behalf of my "badly brought up" "naughty" "and NOT autistic at ALL!" children.

The OP had issues with people using their child's SN to garner sympathy on MN? Well I can assure you that sympathy and understanding is thin on the ground in RL. It feels pretty good to be able to post about it here and get some caring, so I think I am going to continue to do so.

Thats why the thread should stand. So I can read the staunch defences of me and my amazing autistic children from lovely well informed MNetters.

OP posts:

TrucksAndDinosaurs · 15/02/2013 12:51

Maybe a thread called 'what life is like with my child with SN and awful/nice things people have said and done' would be useful?

freddiemisagreatshag · 15/02/2013 12:52

AkaEmma - I can kind of see your point. But at the same time, some of the ignorant twatty posts were vile and other posters were upset.

silverfrog · 15/02/2013 12:53

I odn't think it shoud have been deleted, either (and said so, on the thread).

tbh, the crappy opinions were being countered (the ones re: 'wangling' dla etc) and I think it oculd have been interesting to talk through how/why some posters see mentioning SN as 'garnering sympathy', or 'diluting an argument'. after all, I'd like to know if people do think that way about some of my posts.

Catsdontcare · 15/02/2013 12:54

I think given that the ignorant posters on that thread were in the minority it should have stood. The OP regretted posting but didn't actually change her original view. I think now it's deleted the OP will continue to hold her views but just be careful who she voices them too so deleting it has achieved nothing.

Original poster

akaemmafrost · 15/02/2013 12:54

trucks I did a thread like that about ds about two years ago. Was in chat though so long gone. Got about 100 responses, ALL lovely.

OP posts:

thereonthestair · 15/02/2013 13:15

it went pffft before I had finished reading it, but I also don't think it should have been defeated. We are frequently told that as parents of children with SN we need to educate, but then when we do, or when there is a discussion about it, or more likely some ignorant people make ignorant comments it goes. Despite the fact it does some good overall

manicinsomniac · 15/02/2013 13:20

I didn't see the thread but I'm fairly sure I agree with you anyway.

I don't believe in censorship at all, unless somebody is being threatened. Posts and threads shouldn't get deleted imo unless the poster requests it

DeWe · 15/02/2013 14:33

I didn't read the thread.

But the problem MNHQ has is that I have also seen threads where people are complaining that disablilist threads aren't deleted where if it was against another group that suffers from hate-crime (eg racist) it would be.

I don't know what the right answer for them is. But maybe Trucks thread would be helpful, because I don't think people get educated by a heated thread, it's more likely to back them into a corner and think "and the SN parents are mean so no wonder..." type of thing.
Of course the best way to educate them would be to give them 24 hours to look after a child, but that's not going to happen.

MNHQ

HelenMumsnet · 15/02/2013 14:54

Afternoon.

We deleted that thread because we believed it to be have been started to inflame/goad - as we would delete any thread we believed had been started to inflame/goad.

We have long since stopped asking posters to educate about disablism, thereonthestair, and have posted many times to say so. We're particularly sorry many posters still seem to think we do this.

devientenigma · 15/02/2013 15:04

I'm glad it's gone. Only got a quick look at it. However what I find is when you speak about your own personal experiences regarding disabled/special needs it can even divide the SN community for different reasons. Making some segregated from those who maybe could support and those who haven't a clue how to support.

DeWe 'Of course the best way to educate them would be to give them 24 hours to look after a child, but that's not going to happen.'

feel free to come here, people are always welcome, plus we are a family enriched by several different disabilities.

KarlosKKrinkelbeim · 15/02/2013 15:07

MNHQ can't do right for doing wrong here. They have been slated in the past (including by me) for not deleting disablist threads. I think they made the right call here. For all those equipped to fight back, there could have been many others silently very hurt by it.

hazeyjane · 15/02/2013 15:16

I also don't think it should have been deleted (and have thought that about a lot of previous threads discussing sn, that get deleted).

I think if MNHQ want to have a campaign that is a discussion about sn, then these are exactly the sort of threads that ought to stand, so people can see why a campaign is needed.

MNHQ

HelenMumsnet · 15/02/2013 15:20

@hazeyjane

I also don't think it should have been deleted (and have thought that about a lot of previous threads discussing sn, that get deleted).

I think if MNHQ want to have a campaign that is a discussion about sn, then these are exactly the sort of threads that ought to stand, so people can see why a campaign is needed.

Well, we see where you're coming from but we think there's no point have site rules if we don't enforce them.

We ask people not to goad, personally attack, post disablist nonsense (and a fair few other things) and say we will delete any examples of these that are reported to us.

We think it would be rather nonsensical then not to delete the disablist nonsense.

And would maybe send a message to some thickos that disablist nonsense was something we did tolerate, after all.

nickelbabe · 15/02/2013 15:23

devient

DeWe 'Of course the best way to educate them would be to give them 24 hours to look after a child, but that's not going to happen.'

feel free to come here, people are always welcome, plus we are a family enriched by several different disabilities.

I would like to spend time with a family who have disabilities and special needs, but I don't think i would have the strength to look after someone with extra needs for 24 hours without knowing what it entailed.

that sounds very clumsy - what i think i mean is that i expect it to be harder than i can deal with (even though I know watching any child growing up is amazing)

devientenigma · 15/02/2013 15:23

Plus MNHQ without causing misery to the posters who do have kids with special needs and disabilities who want to have a say, this is actually a thread about a thread, so would/should it be allowed to stand?

devientenigma · 15/02/2013 15:24

nicklebabe you learn on the job which is exactly what we had to do x

hazeyjane · 15/02/2013 15:24

Hmm, I can see the conundrum, but I'm not sure if the op was disablist nonsense. I didn't agree with it, but I don't think it was disablist, or goading.

I realise that the job you have in deciding which threads to delete and which not to is pretty impossible!

pigletmania · 15/02/2013 15:25

What thread where? Yes I love understanding and sympathy why not! Dd5 has ASD and dev delays and it's really hard simedays that I like a sympathetic shoulder and some understanding

nickelbabe · 15/02/2013 15:27

devient - true.

axure · 15/02/2013 15:27

I read the whole thread earlier and I didn't feel the OP was being ignorant towards families with SN children; she said that in her opinion people threw SN into a discussion when it wasn't really relevant to the debate, but her view was largely ignored. I agree that there were some unpleasant comments about getting freebies for SN children which were totally out of order. It's obviously a very contentious issue on MN, but OP said she had been thinking this for a while and I think she had every right to express her view.

NorthernLurker · 15/02/2013 15:27

I agree that MNHQ has got massive stick in the past for apparently allowing diablist threads to stand - of course they should pull them.

MNHQ

HelenMumsnet · 15/02/2013 15:29

@devientenigma

Well, it's really about a thread about our decision to delete a thread, dev, so we think it's right to let it stay.

WorraLiberty · 15/02/2013 15:30

I don't think they had any choice other than to delete it.

Can you imagine how many reports they'd have to deal with before the thread reached 1000?

MNHQ

HelenMumsnet · 15/02/2013 15:31

@axure

Maybe. But given a couple of SN-bashing threads/comments earlier on in the day/very recently and the OP's very gracious mail to us, saying that she'd realised the thread she'd started did read as though designed to upset, we though it best all round to delete, on this occasion.

amillionyears · 15/02/2013 15:33

Trouble is though, how vile should posts be allowed to be.
And how many of them?

Some ops can take it. Some cannot.
The thread that is being talked about, I think the op could take the pas.
And she probably didnt want the thread deleted either.
But some posters start a thread, and get given back more than they can take.

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