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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

The thread about SN should not have been deleted.

77 replies

akaemmafrost · 15/02/2013 12:48

It should be left to stand so people can see what we're up against 24/7.

I am not trying to stir anything but but I am really angry that that kind of thing is said and then it's just deleted till the next time.

I am not at all surprised at the ignorant attitudes displayed by some posters and after 6 years of it (since diagnosis) I have the hide of a rhino and fully expect to be on the receiving end of it by most people I have anything to do with including family members.

I have acceptance that I will be disbelieved and judged as a scamming, exaggerating benefits thief on behalf of my "badly brought up" "naughty" "and NOT autistic at ALL!" children.

The OP had issues with people using their child's SN to garner sympathy on MN? Well I can assure you that sympathy and understanding is thin on the ground in RL. It feels pretty good to be able to post about it here and get some caring, so I think I am going to continue to do so.

Thats why the thread should stand. So I can read the staunch defences of me and my amazing autistic children from lovely well informed MNetters.

OP posts:
MNHQ
HelenMumsnet · 15/02/2013 15:34

@WorraLiberty

I don't think they had any choice other than to delete it.

Can you imagine how many reports they'd have to deal with before the thread reached 1000?

This is also true Smile

amillionyears · 15/02/2013 15:34

x post!

PeneloPeePitstop · 15/02/2013 15:36

Ahh missed it. Shame.
I would ave had more info as to who the utter cunts are round here.

LadyBeagleEyes · 15/02/2013 15:37

If they hadn't deleted it, there would many more posters complaining that a disablist thread was allowed to stand.
MNHQ can't win sometimes.

atthewelles · 15/02/2013 15:38

I agree with axure. I don't think the OP was being disablist, but it was one of those threads where the more she would have tried to clarify what she actually meant, the more she would have been flamed. I think she did the right thing asking for it to be removed. It was getting quite nasty and wasn't helping anyone.

WilsonFrickett · 15/02/2013 15:39

What, did I miss another chance to fill in my completely mythical spreadsheet?

I think if there's a rule there's a rule. Some days I feel stronger than others and am more willing to engage on threads with a degree of SN twattery. Others I'm not, I still remember a thread that absolutely reduced me to tears months ago and I always try to think 'if I read this thread on that day, would I be OK with it' before I report. Or engage, for that matter.

usualsuspect · 15/02/2013 15:43

I think the deletion message could have explained why it was deleted, rather than say it was because of a bunfight.

I'm glad it was deleted though.

MNHQ
HelenMumsnet · 15/02/2013 15:48

@usualsuspect

I think the deletion message could have explained why it was deleted, rather than say it was because of a bunfight.

I'm glad it was deleted though.

Yes, that does sound as though it was the wrong deletion message. Our apols for that.

Moominsarehippos · 15/02/2013 15:52

Which thread? The cinema one?

coppertop · 15/02/2013 15:55

It was a frustrating thread because the OP started the thread by saying that they had seen a lot of threads where people had mentioned SN so as to "dilute arguments", repeated that this happened "a lot" - but never actually got around to giving one single example of this happening.

Meanwhile the thread was de-railed by people who were envious of their 'friend' who "wangled DLA" and didn't queue up at Legoland, and were convinced that schools imagined SNs so that they could get more funding. Confused

Is there an option to leave threads up but lock them, preferably with a message explaining why it's been locked?

wannabedomesticgoddess · 15/02/2013 15:58

I dont think the OP was being disablist. But it did attract some really vile posts and I would hate to think that someone who had come here for support would read that and leave MN thinking that MNHQ and the majority of posters support that view.

MNHQ
HelenMumsnet · 15/02/2013 16:12

@coppertop

It was a frustrating thread because the OP started the thread by saying that they had seen a lot of threads where people had mentioned SN so as to "dilute arguments", repeated that this happened "a lot" - but never actually got around to giving one single example of this happening.

Meanwhile the thread was de-railed by people who were envious of their 'friend' who "wangled DLA" and didn't queue up at Legoland, and were convinced that schools imagined SNs so that they could get more funding. Confused

Is there an option to leave threads up but lock them, preferably with a message explaining why it's been locked?

Well, the point of the new customisable deletion message was to do just that. We're sorry it wasn't done adequately in this case.

theisleofsheppey · 15/02/2013 16:19

I started the thread

I asked for it to be deleted as it WAS inflammatory

I also read some sweet posts from parents with SN who were offended, and upset, and I appreciated what they said

I was having rant at the culture on here rather than being disablist
But I can understand that it was interpreted how it was

to cut a long story short I do think the term gets abused and used inappropriately on AIBU sometimes

but why risk some nice Mum with a child with SN being upset by my wanky inflammatory post???

some people were pretty harsh, but I was not even suprised in the slightest

freddiemisagreatshag · 15/02/2013 16:25

oh dear god. Here we go again.

atthewelles · 15/02/2013 16:26

I don't think your post was wanky but I do think it was misinterpreted and also the thread got pulled off track a bit and ended up getting quite nasty and it was obvious it was only going to go one way.

Hope you have a nice weekend Smile.

theisleofsheppey · 15/02/2013 16:28

"The OP had issues with people using their child's SN to garner sympathy on MN? Well I can assure you that sympathy and understanding is thin on the ground in RL. It feels pretty good to be able to post about it here and get some caring, so I think I am going to continue to do so.

I hear you OP

I am fucking off now, no desire whatsover to stir up. I just wanted to say I did ask for post to be deleted, and it was inflammatory

do I feel good about myself? No, not really. Not all all

ouryve · 15/02/2013 16:29

To be fair, isleofsheppey, while your post was inflammatory, most reasonable people would take it as the starting point for a sensible, grown up discussion about people's perspectives and where they come from. The person who posted about the "friend" whose son has aspergers was downright nasty, though. I didn't see how that developed, as I had to leave my computer (had already kept some dye on my hair too long Blush) but I suspect that that's what tipped the thread over the edge.

Original poster
akaemmafrost · 15/02/2013 16:30

It was more other posts on there than your OP but I do wonder what your motive was for posting it? You say you were referring to the culture on MN but I don't really understand what you mean by that. I don't think people talking about their SN child when answering posts can be referred to as a culture.

OP posts:
Original poster
akaemmafrost · 15/02/2013 16:31

Ok, sorry cross posted Smile.

I just didn't get a chance to post on the other thread and I wanted to so its deletion bugged me a bit.

OP posts:
AmberLeaf · 15/02/2013 16:36

Glad I missed that one...but in a way not, because as PeneloPee says, it helps you know who the arseholes are.

HerbyVore · 15/02/2013 16:38

theisle

You did, in fairness, say that you have learnt a lot from MN about what it's like to have a child with SN, and you did want it deleted because you realised you were causing bad feeling, (actually it was bringing out some very ignorant opinions)

And for that you deserve some respect but, to come on again and say i still think
"to cut a long story short I do think the term gets abused and used inappropriately on AIBU sometimes"

is a bit yeah, but, no, but, and pointlessly inflammatory, again.

theisleofsheppey · 15/02/2013 16:44

atthewelles, thanks

herby, yes I can see what u mean. I shall focus on the good 99% and as for the annoying 1%. hide thread

SauvignonBlanche · 15/02/2013 16:47

If it came across ad disabilist, I'm delighted that it was deleted.

TheBigJessie · 15/02/2013 16:50

Did everyone remember to update their spreadsheets before it was deleted?

freddiemisagreatshag · 15/02/2013 17:02

D'you something theisle, to post an inflammatory thread once by accident is one thing. To re-post the same thing when you know it was a bad idea the first time maybe isn't the best idea you've ever had.