To feel grumpy and pissed off with DH...

[Ghostie]

Do dd2 is 7 weeks and is hard work. I feel like I can't figure her out or enjoy her as she's crying/whinging most of the time. My back hurts from trying to calm her down. Dd 1 is 2 1/2 and did have colic, but not this bad. Now she is incredible and keeping me sane...then I feel guilty that I am favouring her.

Dh does do lots, but not with dd2. Asked him to have dd2 while I put dd1 to bed last night. I could hear him snapping at her twice, so I went and got her. Felt really angry that he couldn't hold it together for 5mins. He said I snap/cry, but I do it after hours or no sleep at night...not that that's good! But he was nice and appologetic this morning.

Just exhausted and down! No romance - no valentines, well i got a text message! Then this afternoon he snapped about having to spend 15 mins with dd2, while I popped to the shop and got DD1 from nursery. I pointed out that he gets to go to the pub, a stag weekend and has asked to go to the pub again tomorrow afternoon. I just want 5 poxy mins to go to the shop on my own - which is how sad my poxy life is!!! He did appologise, but said he just can't stand it - i think he means the whinging crying baby stage - in fact he hates it.

It all feels worse on a stupid day when everyone is showing off how in love they are.

And amongst all this he wants me to move back to oz with him - feeling a bit miserable!

Calmly ask him how he thinks you feel with it all day, let alone 5 minutes.

Have you tried cranial osteopathy for the baby. Does help the colic. She will get better but you must be knackered you poor thing. He needs to stop mithering and look after baby. Could he do so for an hour at the weekend that way he wont have the work excuse.

Are you sure its colic she has and not something like Reflux, its quite possible that she is whinging as she is in pain, (which I realise would apply yo colic as well)

I have told him that i want to book a massage, he said when the girls are having their naps and laughed...not really in the mood for the joke, but I am going to book it!

Was thinking about taking her to the docs, but thought they would just say I was being stupid. Might try C O with DD1, but wasn't convinced, but will try anything now I think. I feel so guilty for comparing the girls and getting fed up with DD2.

Whenever I say anything he either tells me he works all day or tells me how crap this country is...don't think he has any idea...

What Stunt said!
And don't even think about an upheaval like moving, let alone half way round the world, yet. Maybe this time next year, when you're back on an even keel have had some sleep then think about it, but don't be pushed into it when you're both already under so much stress - having a baby is stressful, it's bloody hard work and puts pressure on both of you in ways you probably never even imagined before the babies arrived - hardly conducive to sensible, grown up, well thought out major life decisions!

It sounds like you are both exhausted, but what is he THINKING, going to the pub when your DD is being fractious,time for him to grow the fuck up, methinks.

If he thinks this country is so crap............

Yanbu. My now ExH was like that.

You've had some great advice. He needs to learn to cope and to grow a pair.

I took my DS to a McTimmoney chiropractor in desperation, as he too had colic. It did help a little, as did time. I agree with seeing the GP.

I felt like I was loosing my mind with two young DCs and a man child to deal with too. So you have my sympathy.

Talk about it with him when calm, he needs to help more and you need special time with DD1 alone.

He does try...he is sat rocking her basket as I type and he cut up all the food for me ready to make lunch for the people coming to lunch tomorrow...he has grown up a lot since DD1 and like a lot of men doesn't get the newborn stage and how he fits into it, but he needs to work it out. I don't think that men can understand at all how it feels to be constantly attached to another being and not be able to eat, drink, wee when you need to.

I agree Dontstoponthemomeraths I need time with DD1 (who is totally amazing and couldn't have been more grown up and helpful with DD2 and she is only 2 1/2!) He asked her if he wanted to go to the cinema with him for the first time and I thought, I want to be able to do this. I already missed her christmas theatre trip as DD2 was prem.

I just want a bit more understanding/affection/a bit something special in my life...don't think that is too unreasonable??

Thanks so much though this really does help.

Im dealing with the same op. My baby is 6wks and my other half is either drinking cans or going bed at 7 to get up early for work. My sister said ineed to bugger off out one day so he realises how hard it is. Mind you since ive started telling him when he pisses me off he has started to book his ideas up. Good luck x

No it's not unreasonable. Let me know what the GP says when you go x

No particularly useful advice here - just empathy. I have a 9wk DD who has reflux - thankfully not the bringing it all up variety, just heartburn, so she has to be upright after feeding, hates being on her back for more than 5 minutes, won't sleep on her back during the day and leaves me covered in foul smelling vomit. I am the only person she will let put her to bed so when I did get out for Guides (i run the local unit) and my mum baby sat (DH out at karate as well) I got in to both of them telling her 'mummy'll be home soon; it's okay...' DD1 has also been fantastic (nearly 4). DH also on a short fuse with DD2 - which really winds me up as I can just hear her escalating in reaction.....

I don't get these men who only have them for a few minutes at a time getting wound up by it? Sure, when you've had it for hours on end etc but not for a few minutes. I couldn't live with a man who snapped at a 7 week old baby after a few minutes... I just couldn't and wouldn't.

If you can afford it, definitely book an appointment with an osteopath, they're brilliant.

I hope you get her settled soon, it's really no fun.

Thanks couldn't get an appointment with GP so will have to try again on mon. Just fell out with dh as spent the afternoon trying to discuss moving. He's gone to the pub and left me with two crying DCs as he left and had a go at me for being grumpy. I sent him a message saying And he wants me to move over the other side of the world? How dare he talk to me like that! I have two crying children and I've had no sleep and am shattered. It is stressful, but you go out. He has no appreciation and takes me totally for granted. he apologised, but I am tired and teary. He claims I am good at it and know what I am doing when I have no idea and can't fathom DD2 at all! Got a screaming baby strapped to my front in a sling and no idea what to do!!!! At my wits end!!!

I think this is the quietest AIBU thread I've ever seen Ghostie. Slow enough even for me to keep up with, but hard for you, as you're looking for support.

As others have said, you're under an immense amount of strain as a couple right now.

Have you tried cutting dairy out of your diet if you're breastfeeding? You could also try Colief drops from the Chemist?

The only place my son stopped crying was the bath, so he would be in there for hours sometimes and I'd keep topping up the warm water. My poor DD watched an awful lot of CBeebies at the time. The other thing I did a lot of, was cycling his legs, with him on his back. Other things I used to do were:

Holding feet palm to palm and rocking legs sideways, whilst lying on floor or lap.
Or scooping with right hand down his right side whilst holding feet palm to palm.
Or rocking him face down on well supported on legs.

Infacol made him scream harder but gripe water helped a bit.

Mumsnet tweeted a link about colic earlier here: www.mumsnet.com/babies/colic Worth a read?

Can you book a non emergency appointment at the GP's for 3-5 days ahead if you can survive that long so that you know you have one coming? As opposed to the stress of ringing every morning at 8am hoping for a slot?

The other thing I would recommend is this website, you can call them 9am-10pm. Sometimes it can be so helpful to speak to someone who understands x

I know your first baby suffered as well and you may have tried all of the above, but it maybe silent reflux if there's no vomit. It is worth letting the GP have a look.

I couldn't see the wood from the trees at the time. It can be so stressful. I thought I was loosing my mind. I wish I could give you a squeeze or hold the baby so you could have sometime with your DD1 or a cuppa without a baby attached to you screaming in pain. I remember it well

I'm here to talk to if it helps tonight. PM me if you want.

Do not move to Australia with this man.

His constant apologies are cheap when he is prepared to walk out the door to the pub and leave you to deal with two crying children.

If he takes you this much for granted on your own turf where you have a support system, you don't even want to think about how he'll treat you when he's back in his sexist homeland.

And once you go there with your children you'll never be able to move them back.

I cannot believe he has fucked off to the pub, what a fucking selfish wanker.

Do NOT move to Australia with him. You would not be able to bring your DDs home again without his permission, even in the event of marriage breakdown.

This culture of woman deals with kids, man goes out with his mates is even more prevalent there than it is here.

Tell him to shove his move and show himself to be a committed father.

Jesus what a wanker, what is it with these cocks - and how do they persuade women to marry them and/or have their babies in the first place??

'Jesus what a wanker, what is it with these cocks - and how do they persuade women to marry them and/or have their babies in the first place??'

Guess that's why we're divorced now

Seriously though, he was great before kids. But I am trying not to talk about my ExH on here much as I do not want my own experience to colour the advice she's given Bit too bias

What a cunt. He says you're so good at it? Tell him if he had half as much practice as you he might be a half-decent father, but as it is he prefers to be a selfish cock stain who thinks being a parent is something he can opt in and out of. Fucker. So angry for you OP!

Do you have anyone you could grab for a bit of support? Don't be afraid to ask friends or family for help. They will understand.

You're doing the best you can for your kids, don't doubt yourself. Doubt the usefulness of the wanker you live with!

Ghostie - it is not a 'man' thing, it is a 'lazy fucker' thing.

When I was on my last mat leave, dh would get home from work and put ds in the sling and have him there all night. God, it felt good not to have a baby on me apart from to breastfeed.

What on earth is this man doing in the pub? Fucking hell, it has made me rather angry. He behaves like this and you think it is a man thing. No, please people - stop believing this.

I really feel for you. My first DC had colic that lasted for 4 months. Horrible. I'd have flipped if it had been my second. It takes up so much energy just getting through the day and then the baby won't bloody sleep! Poor you.
I can only suggest that you don't worry too much about favouring one child more than the other - that seems fairly normal at the moment what with the youngest being a nightmare. You should give yourself a break and assume that it will probably pass!
I don't agree with the posters who are calling your DH a wanker and a cock. I think that you are coping great. He isn't, but then a lot of men fail the newborn stage. Calm everything down if you can. Be really clear and calm when you ask him to help with specific things. Be kind to him. He doesn't get it. I would also maybe just be pleased that he's taking DD to the cinema. It's a practical thing he can do and she'd love it surely? Granted you get the shitty end of the stick and have to stay in with hell baby, but you know that just has to be done and it will get better.

Hello OP
Sorry that you are having such a rough time of it
Lots of great advice on here
Do let us know if youd like us to move this out of AIBU into another topic won't you?
Hope you can get some rest soon

I also can't get over how many blokes are like this. My ds was 18 when his little boy was born. 18 and he'd shame many if these morons we read about on mn. He looks after his child equally as well as his partner does and looks after him if she needs it wants to do something.
In my family we see that as normal.

Sorry but going out to work is easy compared to looking after a colicky baby. Noone makes you go to work and lift heavy weights when you have a bad back, and no job requires you to be working day and night every single day.

Can't believe your DH has gone to the pub. My partner has just got home, bathed baby, cleared up kitchen and now is at the shops. (so why am i wasting time on MN?)

DontstepontheMomeRaths, she is much better in the bath too - for a bit. Or she just wants to feed constantly, thus one of my nipples is very sore and torn! Tried lots of those suggestions and some of them help. She seems to get over tired and really fights going to sleep in the end the sling helpped for an hour or so and I was able to clear up a bit, which made me feel better.

I wasn't expecting quite that level of anger about DH TBH. He got it wrong,

I think that he realises a little. He was home before 7 to do bath and bed and he said that he will be up in the morning and I can sleep till lunchtime if I need to to get some rest. He is a fantastic father with DD1, but he has got it wrong with DD1.

I just need to feel a bit more in control with DD2 and just want my beautiful baby back, as when I see her appear from the fog of constant feeding, pooing and crying, it is a delight. In someways I am hoping it is reflux or something that can be fixed and not just her.

I am really lucky that DD2 is so amazing and such a good help, otherwise I might really lose my mind, but I feel bad that she is in front of the TV too much and not getting enough quality out of me as I am just a tired, sad, zombie mess!

From the way he has been behaving since he got home I am hoping that he is starting to realise...he just tried to read this because he realises that I am saying not particularly flattering things about him. He does do all the cooking, clearing up, DD2s bath, get her dressed in the morning and take her to nursery, so I don't have to get up. He is not a total wanker, but he can be one. He hadn't got that what I really need is a break from DD2, or just a break full stop...I am hoping that he is starting to...I hope my hopes are not going to be dashed!!!!