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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To resent covering for my colleague's meetings which fall at the same time as antenatal appointments?

51 replies

MadgeArsehole · 13/02/2013 22:07

Every week, every Thursday, off for the whole morning. A really busy day, and I get lumbered with a full morning's worth of meetings, as well as my work which piles up.

I am feeling resentful and hard done by.

OP posts:
ceeveebee · 13/02/2013 22:08

Why every week - that seems quite frequent? Anyway assuming they are genuine appointments, she's entitled to the time off
Can the meetings not be rearranged?

SamSmalaidh · 13/02/2013 22:09

Is it her antenatal appointment or yours Confused

Have you told your boss you're struggling with the extra workload?

ENormaSnob · 13/02/2013 22:10

Why is she at antenatal appointments every single week?

Original poster
MadgeArsehole · 13/02/2013 22:11

Not my antenatal appointments. And yes, every bloody week, same day, for 2-3 hours.

It is my boss...

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SamSmalaidh · 13/02/2013 22:13

If she is having weekly appointments, then there must be something serious going on.

Tell your boss you are struggling, see if meetings can be rescheduled? Be proactive rather than resentful.

Hemlet · 13/02/2013 22:13

Is it an appointment or a class? How far along is she? I'm pretty sure my colleagues resent my having time off for appointments and various other things but at 37 weeks pregnant with epilepsy and spd it's tough really.

If you're struggling you need to talk to your boss about it, not seethe behind her back.

Original poster
MadgeArsehole · 13/02/2013 22:18

I would mind less if it was a woman and she was pregnant, but it is his wife and No-one Has Ever Had A Baby Before and he has to be there at every scan, kick, breathing lesson etc etc. She's about 20 weeks.

Since when did men get time off to attend their partners' ante natal classes/appointments without having to take it as leave?

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makemineamalibuandpineapple · 13/02/2013 22:21

I've never heard of the partner being allowed time off to go to every appointment. Are you sure he isn't taking leave? If not, then I agree that it taking the p*.

Wheresmycaffeinedrip · 13/02/2013 22:21

Y shouldn't he go it's his baby too. It's nice he's being so supportive and he's so excited. Or maybe there's something wrong.

Why don't you ask him if you can delegate some of the work? :)

SamSmalaidh · 13/02/2013 22:22

I don't think he has a legal right to attend appointments, but maybe it is a company benefit.

Care to dripfeed any other revelations?

RedPencils · 13/02/2013 22:24

I think he's taking the piss. I had a high risk twin pg and I did t have weekly appts.
Can't you refuse to do his work?

Original poster
MadgeArsehole · 13/02/2013 22:25

He is not taking paid (or unpaid) leave. He is merely skipping out of the office for half a day every week.

Why shouldn't he go? Perhaps because of the impact this has every week on him disappearing from the office for half the day.

I can't delegate the work - trust me, I've considered this. They are lengthy meetings that require a senior manager to attend. If it's not him, it's me. I can't delegate any more of my work, as my team are overstretched as it is. I have also tried to reschedule but that won't work either.

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edam · 13/02/2013 22:26

You must be pissed off. The real issue is the fact work is being dumped on you - it doesn't matter what the time off is for, the fact is your boss knows these appointments are happening so he should rearrange the work accordingly, not just dump it all on you on top of your existing workload.

Wheresmycaffeinedrip · 13/02/2013 22:26

I had alot of complications resulting in fortnightly scans and fortnightly blood pressure and urin checks. They were staggered so yes I had appointments weekly.

Bare in mind there might be something wrong.

Wheresmycaffeinedrip · 13/02/2013 22:27

He may well be taking the piss but there may be a reason. If not then he will get dropped in it.

HollyBerryBush · 13/02/2013 22:29

I had weekly AN appts. I had high risk pregnancies. Fortunately I too had a husband who (a) gave a shit (b) had a family friendly policy at work

YAB V V V V U

Original poster
MadgeArsehole · 13/02/2013 22:29

No other revelations. It's a straightforward pregnancy of one child. I admit I didn't let on the sex of my boss initially as I wanted to see if people would think I was unreasonable for complaining about covering for a woman's maternity appointments (as everyone assumed it would be). I think I am going to have to tackle him on this one tomorrow, and suggest that we need to drop something as we don't have the time to cover this meeting every week and get everything else done.

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Original poster
MadgeArsehole · 13/02/2013 22:30

I suppose I don't see why he has to go every week.

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ceeveebee · 13/02/2013 22:31

Ah - I assumed it was a woman - no as far as I know men don't have legal right to time off for antenatal appointments.
Are these antenatal classes? Surely they could have found some that ran in the evening/at weekend?

CabbageLeaves · 13/02/2013 22:32

This needs raising with him as a 'I'm sorry the pregnancy has complications requiring weekly half days leave. Since wife is just 20weeks pregnant I feel I have to raise the issue that I cannot continue with the increase in workload for a further possibly 20 weeks + plus time after the birth. We need to discuss our this work can be shred...perhaps upwards to your manager as well as downwards to me?'

CabbageLeaves · 13/02/2013 22:32

Shared not shred although that would possibly work

MidnightMasquerader · 13/02/2013 22:32

Can you get some advice from HR?

Failing that, you need to talk to him. Come up with some suggestions, outlines ideas you've had that perhaps haven't solved the problem, etc.

Give the impression that you're trying to solve the problem, rather than just dumping it at his feet to fix. This will at least get the convo off on the right foot. And let him know the impact the status quo is having on you and your workload.

ChairmanWow · 13/02/2013 22:32

Stop blaming him and blame your boss for dumping the work on you. Your colleague is perfectly entitled to go to his partner's appointments. If you're struggling with the work then talk to your manager. You might still have to attend these meetings but the stuff you're falling behind with can surely be distributed, including to the colleague who is attending the ante natal appointments.

WorraLiberty · 13/02/2013 22:34

You don't have to see why he has to go - it's none of your business.

But if you feel your workload is unfair, that's something you need to speak to your boss about.

Original poster
MadgeArsehole · 13/02/2013 22:34

Yep, Cabbage, that sounds about right. I think he is just so excited about this that nothing else matters. He needs a wake up call that other stuff is going on as well as his baby!

Perhaps your husband's job didn't impact quite so much on other people, when he wasn't there, Holly.

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