To resent covering for my colleague's meetings which fall at the same time as antenatal appointments?

[MadgeArsehole]

Every week, every Thursday, off for the whole morning. A really busy day, and I get lumbered with a full morning's worth of meetings, as well as my work which piles up.

I am feeling resentful and hard done by.

It is her boss....

YANBU. I jobshare. I was given two days as my JSPartner wanted 3 days (fair enough, no problem at all) and yet... and yet... every month there's a Dept meeting, falling on one of her days. Everymonth she can't do it so takes flexi, which means I have to come in for 2 hours on a day I'm not usually supposed to work, which means I cannot have my two full days of kick ass work that I enjoy, which means extra childcare (because of the timing of the meetings). I have suggested moving the meetings to my usual days as actually I like the meetings (weird that I am) but that's been poo poo'd.

YANBU.

Wriggly squirmy members of staff are incredibly annoying.

I agree that there could well be a genuine need, but details are needed. My ex-manager's child was very poorly and needed regular hospital appointments, but he was absolutely open about why, and gave a rough idea that this may well be a set pattern that would continue for some time. He and the other seniors were able to re-arrange set meetings for a time when he was most likely to be around.

You're not being supported properly, it's not fair on you.

Men are not legally entitled to take time off for antenatal stuff.

Unless he is using leave or it's company policy then he's taking the piss.

The pregnancy/his time off is nothing to do with you.

The fact that you can't cope with the increased workload is - you need to address that, nothing else.

Whilst I agree there may be very good reasons for him supporting his wife - as hollyberrybush points out. I would be surprised that they were at the same time every week. My experience of antenatal care is that if they can be at more disparate times so that you can't get a routine organised they will be!

Employment legislation permits the pregnant woman reasonable time during working hours to attend ante-natal appointments. Any attendance by the partner at these is purely at the discretion of the employer - although the vast majority will be flexible enough to cover scans and some appointments. So either he is taking the piss or there are details that you simply do not know which makes this a far from straightforward pregnancy. Unfortunately you will probably never know which. As it is causing a very real work issue you should raise this in a constructive manner - or just suck it up as it will not continue beyond birth (and make sure you put your understanding and flexible attitude in as a reason to get a bigger bonus or pay rise than normal - make the situation work for you)

See it as an opportunity to show yourself for potential promotion.

She is entitled and they don't do weekly scans for no reason - it must be a v high risk pregnancy so she could probably do with support as your colleague.

Remember- good deeds and stepping up to the plate can do your career good - it is often when people stepped in to help a senior colleague that they got a foot hold to the next level - they were in situations with senior leaders and had a chance to show their skills - saw many people get fab job offers and promotions that way.

Something is going to have to give. I will speak to him tomorrow and show him how difficult this is, every week, and the impact it is having on me the rest of the team.

I have a chronically ill child and have always had to take annual leave to cover her hospital stays, and coxed and boxed with DH, which has worked fine, as we've both factored this in when sorting out holidays. And I've been allowed time off in an emergency, when she's gone into hospital, but wouldn't have been allowed time off like this, every week.

Talk to him about rescheduling the regular meeting, if he refuses, then you are entitled to escalate it as you see fit, i.e. talk to HR, or whoever chairs the meeting in question.

It's not weekly scans - it's mostly antenatal classes (according to his diary). Unless she is having scans and he has put in classes to detract from possible problems?

I will focus very much on the workload issue and not the pregnancy.

Completely taking the piss, and showing himself to be a crap manager. I have hled management roles, and would never dream of leaving my second in command to attend meetings in my absence every single week. It's seriously unprofessional.

However as someone who never attended an antenatal appt with DC1 until I was 8 months pg as I was too busy with work (this was in the days when you didn't get time off automatically) I am probably not the best person to comment...

Why he isn't at work is no business of yours the problem is you being given the extra workload to cover his absence so you need to talk to him and let him know you aren't able to attend extra meetings on his behalf due t your own work load.

Unless you are capable of managing your time to assist and help out?

If she's only 20 weeks then it's a bit early for antenatal classes I think.

I've just moved on to fortnightly appts (32 weeks). It was 4 weekly before that, with a couple of extra ones for scans/tests. That's for a pretty straightforward pregnancy.

If these are all antenatal care appointments then the pregnancy is not straightforward. I can't think of anything that would take half a day a week though, unless the hospital is far away.

Dh has come to a couple of scans with me and the odd antenatal appointment if he's had the day off anyway. He wouldn't get paid for taking the time off though, and isn't entitled to demand it.

The degree of drip feeding in this thread caused me to lose all sympathy for the OP.

Thanks - I'll speak to him tomorrow afternoon and will speak to those at the meeting to see if they would be willing to reschedule, and if so to when, and will then present that to him as an option as well.

Will report back!

2 high risk pregnancies and still my dh who is a teacher only came for 12 and 20 week scans.
I was scanned every week for pregnancy 1 (ovarian cyst) and every 2 weeks (ID twins) for pregnancy 2.

So 4 appts for 2 pregnancies and 3 kids. shrug

I only drip fed initially NL, re the sex of the person.

And I don't need your sympathy. I got lots of helpful suggestions instead from others.

Perhaps your husband's job didn't impact quite so much on other people, when he wasn't there, Holly.

Yes it did but no one is indispensable. He was also fortunate to manage a division that covered for each other in need - ie he didnt mind covering for a junior collegue who had a nervous breakdown and was sectioned, nor one (male) who needed a serious amount of time off over a two year period with successive MCs .

That is the difference - some work places do manage to work as a team, other work places are functioning individuals who just expect to take a salary for turning up and have no ethic about helping each other through difficult times.

You bosses wifes pregnancy is none of your business. If you arent capable of stepping up and covering him then you need to ask for help to increase your skill set accordingly. If you aren't willing the your line manager needs to identify someone who is a team player

YANBU. I was in a similar situation with my more senior colleague who had loads of time off when pg. I had to cover her meetings and pick up her workload as she didn't have time to do it because of her ante-natal appointments, scans and then the classes. I spoke to HR who said speak to our manager, which I did. He said the work needed to be done and colleague couldn't do it so I had to muddle through, but he would understand if my own work slipped.

Meanwhile I had a massive workload while my colleague swanned off every week for something or other. It wasn't that she was pg, but the attitude tbh. She was entitled to the time off so would take it and not give a shit about the colleagues picking up her workload. When we're supposed to be a team. It was tense time. I'm happier now she's gone.

If you arent capable of stepping up and covering him then you need to ask for help to increase your skill set accordingly. If you aren't willing the your line manager needs to identify someone who is a team player

Where does she say her skill set is the problem? As for being a team player, this man is leaving the building without ensuring his duties are covered.

Having antenatal appointments or classes every single week sounds a lot. If it's antenatal appointments, then it sounds like a high risk pregnancy.

And men aren't legally entitled to attend antenatal appointments.

Agree you need to speak to your boss about rearranging the meetings if covering for him is badly affecting your workload.

Don't other people notice his absence and do you have to cover up for him? Or do you tell others he's at the hospital again.

FWIW I don't think you should just suck it up in the hope this will be noticed and rewarded. It won't and you'll feel even more resentful then.

YANBU.
He is taking the piss.

Can you reschedule a meeting without consulting him?
Drop it on him so when he next prepares to swan off and tells you to attend the meeting in his absence, just say oh that's ok the meeting is now on x day, when he will have to be present.

Can you also not do his workload and simply pass it all back to him on his return. Tell him that you did not have time to do his work as well as your own.
Do you have a higher boss than him? Or is he the top boss?

If you do have a boss I would tell them what is happening, not in a spiteful way but in a "I have all my work to do , and yet Mr X has asked me to do his as well and I simply do not have the time."

I agree that he will carry on like this when the baby is born, expecting time off for everything.

Good luck.

My friend is in the middle of a high risk pg, and her partner cant take any time off for her appointments. So she's doing a 1.5 hour trip every week (on her own day off now I come to think of it) to attend her appointments on her own. He's either massively taking the piss or she's having a massively high risk time. And as you can't know, I'd err on the side of caution. Also how do you know the time off hasn't been sanctioned?

He may be taking the piss, or there may be issues that you don't know about and he may have had the time off approved without your knowledge. It doesn't really matter, as the fact remains that you can't cover his work and get all of yours done too.

If I were you, I would put it in writing to him that you are struggling to cover the meetings and your own workload, then ask him to prioritise which tasks he wants you to do and which can be dropped. Make sure your tone is helpful and flexible, but be firm about the fact that you haven't got time to do it all. But do put it in writing so that there is a record of what has been agreed. If he follows up orally, email him with a summary of what he has said - otherwise you might get blamed later for not having done work that he told you could wait!