to never know how to tackle this statement - 'I don't want to die'

[EarlyInTheMorning]

My 5YO DD will often say this. I always try to make light of it and then distract her, not in a "not addressing her feelings" kind of way (or at least that's not my intention), but in a "not wanting to make too much of it so that she stops thinking about it" kind of way. She has just said it again. I'd say it comes up around once every fortnight. She once even said "what's the point of it all if we just die?". She's only 5 FFS .

Has someone close to her died recently or has something come up which has made her more conscious of death?

I usually say something like 'death is just like what it was like before you were born'.

That seems to do the trick for now.

I don't know the answer OP, but my 3 yo dd is constantly telling me that the world is ending soon.

Also, DP is a scientist and he can explain how all the chemistry that makes our bodies ultimately comes from galaxies and the stars. 'We are all made of stardust' and when you die, you turn back into stars. (Via a lot of physics that I don't understand!).

No Christine, no one. I really don't know what triggered it. She also sometimes says that I'll die before her and will I still love her then. Gawd she breaks my heart.

Madonna that's nice, I know she'll demand a detailed explanation though, she can't be fobbed off.

my dd went through a phase of saying this at first I tried to talk to her about it etc but in the end what seemed to work was - dont worry that doesnt happen for a long time. Not technically true but what she wanted to hear and the problems stopped.

I think te complex explanations etc just went straight over her head tbh!

Mine started asking at about 5 and it coincided with being told at school about Jesus dying. The problem was he also thought people who died always came back to life too!

That's exactly what I've told my DD, that she mustn't worry because it's not going to happen for a long long long time. She answers 'you don't know that'.

early - shes obviously a deep thinker my dd just accepted it .

Yes, she's a deep thinker and a worrier.

My 5yr old is facinated by death, but not overly concerned about it. I think the awareness of death is common @ this age, some get worried and others matter of fact.

I tell him & older children there is no reason to think any one of us will die before we're 100, which is a long time away.

My ds say we will die before him & I agree, but say he will be married with his own family and although it will be sad he'll always have siblings & his own family.

Hard, isn't it?

Do you not do the whole ' your body wouldnt be here but your memory would live on blah' we find that quite useful.

Earlyinthemorning better start doing your physics and chemistry homework then! Like I've had to

But seriously, I remember being quite preoccupied with the concept of death when I was a similar age to your DD. It is quite a mad idea to get your head around when you think about it. I'm sure she'll grow out of it as she develops a bit more emotional maturity (and becomes interested in something else).

Just keep talking to her and try to answer her questions as honestly as you can. It's not unnatural or especially unusual for her to be thinking about this stuff now.

Also, is there anything else going on that might be making her anxious? A house move? New sibling? Something like that?

This kind of worrying away at abstract problems can be a sign of low level anxiety.

madonna we moved towns a few months ago. New house, new school, good bye to old friends, adapting to new ones... Low lever anxiety seems to describe her pretty well. She worries about a great deal of issues. What can I do about this?

Ah that's starting to make more sense.

I'm no expert but having been that anxious child myself (a long time ago) I think it's quite closely linked with confidence and self esteem.

Does she have new friends yet? I would try and get her involved with social stuff as much as possible (as long as she enjoys it - don't force her to if she's shy). Try and get her to do things that are really fun and/or that she's really good at.

She needs to feel safe enough that she's okay to let go of the worry and be silly and carefree. At the moment I imagine everything still feels a bit uncertain and scary while she's getting used to her new surroundings.

Time and reassurance.

With school, she's absolutely petrified about doing anything that deviates even slightly from the way things are done. She won't ask questions. If she's served the wrong meal she won't say a thing.

I have one like this earlyinthe morning. The "obsessed with death" phase did pass though. I have also heard the "will you still love me when you are dead" to which I answer "yes".
I have to confess that, as an atheist, I have actually told him that when I die I will be in heaven and looking out for him for ever more.The idea of heaven just seemed to comfort him and he worried less.
I never said I was a perfect atheist.

Madonna, that's the sort of explanation I'd prefer. Def a book idea there!

Yep, the school thing and never speaking up-ds is exactly like that. I think it is just a personality trait tbh.
She needs lots and lots of reassurance, but in casual ways. If you try too hard to directly reassure she will pick up on this and think "what does mum know that I don't?" !
Try to be calm, low key, accepting of her anxieties and she will relax and worry less. Easy to say, I know!

Oh bless her.

Sounds like you need to do some work on her confidence. And the self-esteem will naturally follow.

I'm not sure how you'd go about that though. I'm sure other posters will have some good suggestions.

But I would definitely try to find something she's good at and encourage her in it. Whether it's reading or doing a sport or playing an instrument.

Also, how are you dealing with the new move and everything? (This is going to sound like a criticism of you and I promise it's NOT, I'm just sharing my experience) but my mum wasn't the most confident of people herself. She used to be quite scared of things and that would rub off on me and I learned to be scared of the world rather than the master of it IYSWIM?

Ooh OP, there is a support thread for parents of anxious children in active convos right now!

Hit post too soon..

I meant to say OP, are you maybe finding things a bit scary yourself? Might she be picking up on that too?

A house move is a big deal at any age. It'll take a while for you all to settle and to feel at home.

It sounds like your DD is a natural introvert anyway. So she's bound to take a bit longer to come out of her shell again.