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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

to ask for an elective ceseran even though theres no reason i cant have a normal delivery?

177 replies

ditsydoll · 12/02/2013 20:34

There's absolutely no medical reason that I couldn't give birth. I have a wonderful almost 4yo DD and had a pretty good delivery with her.

However, this time round I'm terrified, not of the pain but of something happening to be during labour or birth.

I keep having nightmares about dying and leave my beautiful DD without a mum. It's really starting to get to me and its just making me miserable. I keep trying to forget about it and enjoy my pregnancy and DD but it's starting to consume me.

Tried talking to Dp and he thinks I'm being silly.

Help

OP posts:
squeakytoy · 12/02/2013 20:37

I am sure a cesarean is more dangerous than a natural birth in hospital?

HollyBerryBush · 12/02/2013 20:39

Personal experience, C-section every time. Mine were medical rather than psychological but it was a far more rewarding experience.

janey68 · 12/02/2013 20:40

Statistically something is more likely to 'happen'
during a csection than a normal birth though. And especially as you have already had one straightforward vaginal birth, the likelihood everything will be fine this time. I would look at trying to rationalise your fears rather than look to a more risky procedure as a solution

Could you talk to your GP or midwife? I am
Not dismissing your fears, as they are clearly real to you, but I can see why your dh is worried that you are tempted to go for a far more invasive medical procedure

rainrainandmorerain · 12/02/2013 20:41

op, I hope you don't mind but I have suggested this thread is moved to Childbirth. If you are terrified and looking for supportive advice, I think it would be a better place.

MNHQ
OliviaMumsnet · 12/02/2013 20:41

HI there
Do let us know if you'd like us to move this thread to our childbirth section
Best of luck with it all

AmberSocks · 12/02/2013 20:41

yabu

its a major operation.its much easier and safer to give birth naturally if you can and you havnt said anything that makes me think you cant.

Focus on getting help with the fear rather than just going for a section(which you wont be allowed anyway)

MamaBear17 · 12/02/2013 20:41

Rather than asking for a C-section you might be better to ask if you can be referred for councilling? A C-Section is major surgery and really isnt an 'easier' or 'safer' option.

countrykitten · 12/02/2013 20:42

I had two elective c-sections and loved it. There was no way that I was going to have my two via a vb - cs worked for me and was stress free and a lovely experience both times.

Original poster
ditsydoll · 12/02/2013 20:42

It's he idea of having it planned, going in and doctors taking over that makes me feel safer. The idea of the unknown and what might go wrong that's scaring me.

I feel more comfortable with having a date and time and a 30-45 minute operation while awake than giving birth.

OP posts:
countrykitten · 12/02/2013 20:44

Then go for it - if you feel better about having your child that way then you should do so.

Original poster
ditsydoll · 12/02/2013 20:45

Did you have a medical reason countrykitten or was it done privately if you don't mind me asking?

OP posts:
PeggyCarter · 12/02/2013 20:47

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

thegreylady · 12/02/2013 20:48

My dd-i-l had an elective c section [in Turkey] and it was amazing.She was awake and alert and recovered surprisingly quickly.
My dd had two normal deliveries and had good experiences both times.
My sd-i-l haemmorhaged after a vb but recovered well.My cousin's dd suffered a blood clot following a cs and was very ill indeed.
Anything could happen either way but it usually doent.Whichever you choose I hope all goes well for you.

Original poster
ditsydoll · 12/02/2013 20:50

I don't feel like I have depression but I do have anxiety problems which obviously isn't helping how I'm feeling. Im not so fond of my midwife so I'd rather not go to her. She just seems to fob me off constantly.

OP posts:
sneezingwakesthebaby · 12/02/2013 20:50

YANBU. I'd speak to your midwife and see if she can arrange for you to speak with someone to head down that route. I don't know how it works elsewhere but in my city your midwife can refer you to speak to someone about the anxiety and through them it is discussed with a consultant and arranged that way.

IneedAsockamnesty · 12/02/2013 20:51

Yanbu to ask for one but yabu to think that means you will get one.

Have to talked over your fears with your dp and/ or midwife it may help

countrykitten · 12/02/2013 20:52

There was no medical reason but I had definite fears of vb so I suppose you could say that there were psychological reasons. It worked for me but as others have said - things can go wrong with either way. I just felt more in control and happier doing it that way.

PeggyCarter · 12/02/2013 20:53

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SirBoobAlot · 12/02/2013 20:53

If you're worried about something going wrong during the birth, then statistically a CS is more dangerous. An operation over a normal bodily process is always risky.

I was also terrified. A sobbing hysterical mess, in fact. Would really really recommend hypnobirthing, it made the world of difference to me. Also speak to your midwife about your concerns. Mine was lovely, and that combined with listening to the CD regularly meant that I was able to enjoy my pregnancy and when my waters went, I was excited, not frightened.

SirBoobAlot · 12/02/2013 20:54

Sorry, obviously meant to put when there are no other medical issues to consider.

Ariel24 · 12/02/2013 20:56

OP YANBU and if you do your research and know the risks etc you shouldn't be refused a c/s, the NICE guidelines are in your favour now too.

I had a c/s on the NHS due to primary tokophobia.

Whydobabiescry · 12/02/2013 20:59

YANBU

A cs has its risks mainly it has to be said to the mother, and you do have a prolonged recovery which in my experience meant a dull aching every night for around 3 months. But a natural birth has more risks than a cs for the baby, there's a higher risk of oxygen deprivation or problems with the placenta, not to mention haemorrhaging etc etc. As long as you're fully aware of the risks and your consultant is happy to perform a cs I can't see why anyone would consider you as unreasonable.

whattimestea · 12/02/2013 21:00

Ive had 4 vb's but then for DC5 had to have emcs. I had a massive PPH after delivery, had to have a blood transfusion, a drain in for 4 days afterwards and a hospital stay of a week. Not to mention the recovery time at home. After 4 previous uncomplicated, speedy vb-id never had an overnight stay after any of my babies were born-i can honestly say id have a vaginal birth every time over a c-section. Although i appreciate that most people don't have the same experience as mine! One strange thing i do like about my section tho is my scar! Im very proud of it!

Fakebook · 12/02/2013 21:04

It's up to you, but recovery is quicker with a natural birth IMO. You can still have a medically assisted birth if you opt for an induction I suppose.

Fairylea · 12/02/2013 21:05

I had an elective cs with ds after a difficult first vaginal birth.

It turned out I had undiagnosed placenta previa so I would have needed a cs anyway but they didn't know that till the op!

Personally I would opt for a cs over a vaginal birth anyday. I appreciate I'm comparing my difficult and painful recovery to a "normal" birth but for me the recovery from the cs was easier and less painful.

I wouldn't hesitate to have another cs.