to ask for an elective ceseran even though theres no reason i cant have a normal delivery?

[ditsydoll]

There's absolutely no medical reason that I couldn't give birth. I have a wonderful almost 4yo DD and had a pretty good delivery with her.

However, this time round I'm terrified, not of the pain but of something happening to be during labour or birth.

I keep having nightmares about dying and leave my beautiful DD without a mum. It's really starting to get to me and its just making me miserable. I keep trying to forget about it and enjoy my pregnancy and DD but it's starting to consume me.

Tried talking to Dp and he thinks I'm being silly.

Help

[ukatlast]

YANBU C-section is safer for baby than vaginal.
Do it for the right reasons though. You should have the right to choose your style of birth. Good luck.

[doublecakeplease]

But polka - most ladies won't need follow up treatment. Cs must be much more expensive than a straightforward delivery. My local hospital had 2 theatres running cs operations when i was in. Unusual but they had (quote from anaesthatist) back to back emergencies in all day. I'd hate to think an emergency turned critical because a non medical elective was taking up a theatre.

[Shelby2010]

ditzydoll if you're terrified of having a vb then that is good enough reason to have a cs.

However, as your anxieties seem out of proportion (considering your previous birth), I would second the advice to speak to your GP. If your current midwife is unsympathetic, hopefully you can arrange to see different one, might be at another surgery tho.

Another suggestion is to contact the maternity unit where you had DD and ask if they have a Birth Trauma counsellor. Although you didn't have a traumatic birth, I imagine they have a lot of experience in helping women with fears of childbirth.

[PolkadotCircus]

Op I was very anxious.My mother had a dreadful time(won't go into details) and after 7 years of trying I was petrified of losing my twins so was over the moon when I found out they were breech and I'd be having c/s then another for dd.

Seriously the consultants both time were amazing as we're the teams in allaying any fears,making you relax and enjoy the whole procedure. Consultants who carry out thousands of c/s yearly know their stuff and can answer any questions, put things into perspective and allay fears.

[doublecakeplease]

Ariel i know what the guidelines say but the nhs is on its arse! Surely if we can avoid the massive cost of medically unnecessary operations then we should try to?

[cardibach]

I'm with doublecake* I'm afraid. If you want an elective C/s then you should probably pay for it, not expect it on the NHS. The pressure from genuine emergnacies id too high, and if you ahve psychological reasons for not wanting a vb money would be better spent on getting you to deal with that. a normal VB is the safest kind of birth. I write as someone who had a very dodgy and dangerous vb.

[cardibach]

Apologies for typos. I don't think they affect meaning!

[FloraPost]

YANBU, go for a CS if that's what you want. NICE guidelines have changed so you can now get ELCS on request. I don't understand why some people think anyone else should have a VB if they don't want it.

[Ariel24]

Again doublecake, what do you class as medically necessary? I had what consultant described as the worst case of tokophobia he had seen in 20 years. I can't go into all the details as it is far too upsetting for me but the impact on my mental health could have been disastrous without me getting the care I needed and ultimately, a c/s. The midwife and consultant I saw certainly viewed it as being necessary. Psychological reasons are health reasons. It's so sad the way mental health problems are viewed in our society.

[doublecakeplease]

We can all want things though Flora. I really don't like this culture of 'i want, i have a right'.

[PacificDogwood]

The cost is a bit academic too when somebody posts in distress

ukatlast, you statement about 'CS is better for babies' is a bit sweeping; it is not quite as clear cut:
"This finds that babies born by vaginal delivery are quite substantially less likely to be admitted to neonatal intensive care at 6.3% compared with 13.9%. But this does not take into account that most caesareans are carried out for medical reasons, and therefore the likelihood of needing neonatal intensive care is high. The evidence on neonatal mortality is conflicting with one study suggesting that there are one fewer deaths of babies born by caesarian per thousand live births and a second suggesting that there are one fewer deaths of babies born by vaginal deliver per thousand live births. The evidence is also conflicting on whether birth method affects the Apgar score, which is used to assess a newborn's health."

Like I said, of course you should be able to have the delivery you want, but make your choice with all the information available and quite clear on the pros and cons.

[ukatlast]

'We can all want things though Flora. I really don't like this culture of 'i want, i have a right'.'

FFS we or our partners pay loads in taxes over the years, the least the NHS can do is let us have a C Section if we want one. Most people wouldn't choose it without good reason because it is major surgery.

[hairyqueenofscots]

defo not true about the saggy belly, i had a six pack at one point but still that saggy bit at the bottom where my scar is.

[doublecakeplease]

I don't want to get into nasty arguments and really genuine fears must be horrendous and i don't want to demean your feelings in any way. I don't honestly know how it could be decided who gets elective but i genuinely don't think that our nhs could cope with giving everyone who just wants one a cs.

[Shagmundfreud]

Well - whatever you feel you may find you have extreme difficulty persuading anyone to grant a elcs, regardless of what the NICE guidelines have to say. The way funding is organised within maternity care is changing which will put a huge squeeze on the NHS. It's going to affect all pregnant women.

[MyDarlingClementine]

doublecake

Thankfully - what you think or want has no bearing on what should happen, Nice guidelines have changed and are there for a reason, for basic humane reasons. Sadly they are only guidelines but they still put pressure on cost driven consultants making the descions.

[Lollydaydream]

 I'd hate to think an emergency turned critical because a non medical elective was taking up a theatre
and I'd hate to think of a woman literally petrified of childbirth having to go through a vb. I hate it even more if she and her baby turned out to be the statistic that did have significant problems.
It's all unknowable outcomes; we are all trying to make decisions for outcomes we cannot know.
OP please get some help for your anxiety; it's not good enough to be fobbed off by a mw. Don't worry about having to put a brave face on it on front of her.

[NumericalMum]

I am with doublecake. Ariel if you had tokophobia then that is a medical reason. A few posters have said they didn't fancy a VB. I would guess there are many others who easily fake tokophobia as it is hardly easy to check, is it.

CS is a major operation. I come from a place where all my friends have elcs. They do it blindly and without reason and some are shocked by the infections, complications etc. I had a long Vb, ventouse delivery with episiotomy. I had no pain the next day apart from a bit of discomfort from stitches. I would never have a CS unless there was no alternative. Our bodies are designed for childbirth and in the event of a problem MW can suggest EMCS. We are lucky to live in the first world.

[MyDarlingClementine]

I have the exact opposite experience Numerical.

I know people who had an ELC/Emc who were made to feel they should try for the VB next time, and have ended up shocked and with major bladder complications/ many other problems and have spent months in and out of hospital with on going problems, wishing they just had another section.

[MaMattoo]

Personally I would just go with whatever makes you feel better and relax. You will hear horror stories from Both methods of delivery and absolutely delightful stories as well.

It's personal. You choose what makes you feel more in control. Both come when pros and cons and I feel this country puts too much pressure on women to do it the natural way and to breastfeed. Whilst I agree that healing is easier after a normal birth I can tell you terrible post natural birth tales too.

Fortunately you have done this before and probably have some good reason for being 'unreasonable' so if you don't think therapy/counselling will help. Then go for a csec only if it makes you feel less panicky! Your body, your baby, your decision - the pros and cons exist about everything!

[Ariel24]

FWIW doublecake I didn't think you were demeaning my fears, I think its impossible to understand if you've not been in my position. think one of the reasons the NICE guidelines were changed (from what I remember at the time a doctor interviewed by the BBC said this, sorry I can't remember more accurately though) was that they genuinely didn't believe that there would suddenly be a huge increase in the number of women requesting a c/s, Ttherefore they believed the NHS could cope with the cost. The guidelines were changed to help women in my position. I think if was a move to recognise psychological reasons for requesting a c/s.

I think the most important thing is for the OP to know that her fears should be taken seriously by her midwife and consultant and the guidelines are there to back her up.

[GregBishopsBottomBitch]

I had an emergency c-section and it was the worst experience of my life, i was in pain, i couldnt sleep in my own bed for 4 weeks, had to sleep on the sofa, it was bloody awful.

To consider a c-section, you need to think about aftercare, its not as simple way of delivery as people think.

[FloraPost]

I don't like culture of entitlement either doublecakeplease, but I think that putting birth choices under that heading is misguided. Doing that assumes that one choice is somehow better than the other for the mother and baby involved and/or society at large, and I don't agree that is the case.

Everyone's view will be highly coloured by their own experience. My own was that DS1 had to be delivered several weeks early because his placenta was failing. The medics wanted to induce me which I absolutely refused, having read up on early induction and how much less successful it is than when overdue. Cue ELCS. I was up and about 17 hours post op and spent 1 night in hospital, no complications. It later turned out that DS1 has heart defects which could have seriously endangered him if I'd had a long or difficult VB. A win for us and I think probably a win for the NHS.

2nd time round, I get the choice (and at a very cash-strapped hospital). I want to spend as little time in hospital (we are frequent fliers with DS1) and to be as relaxed as possible. I have spoken to midwives and consultants about VBAC but for me, another ELCS is the right choice. DS2 is apparently a big bugger and I don't have 95th centile hips. I don't fancy 4 years of discomfort and repairs like my DM had after I was born.

Neither of my CSs was strictly medically necessary, but I don't feel I've ripped off the taxpayer. Exercising choice makes what can be a scary time generally much more bearable and I think all women should be supported in that, whether they want VB, HB or CS. I'm glad NICE guidelines have moved in that direction.

[FloraPost]

Oh and if an emergency pops up when I am booked in I go to the back of the queue, and quite right too.

[AmberSocks]

op,have you read any of Ina Mays books?I found them really empowering.

I really like the idea that birth is not unpredictable(apart from extreme cases),and that you have control over the sort of birth you have,it might all be a load of tosh but i am so glad i found them as i went into my labour experiences totally believing i was in control and that everything would be ok,and that it was just a safe natural process that my body was made for,and i have had 4 very positive birth experiences.

Like i say it could all be rubbish,but it helped me!