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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To have told a woman she couldn't go ahead of me in a queue in Lidl?!

59 replies

NoNoNooooo · 12/02/2013 12:24

Today I was lining up to pay for my things with my son, who'd just woken up 5 mins earlier. He normally has a melt down when waking up outside the house so I wanted to get out of there quickly before he started.

As I was standing waiting, a woman came and stood next to me and started lingering towards the till, attempting to cut infront. I'd been standing there about 5 mins or more and there were only two tills open today which were both busy.

I pushed my pushchair ahead and began putting my things on the belt when she tapped me on the shoulder and said "do you mind if I go ahead of you?"
I replied (thanks to MN) "No". I don't know how she misunderstood but she replied "thank you" and was about to put her things down when I said "No, I have a baby and he will start crying any minute now".

She looked at me shocked like no one has ever said "no" to her before, and my face went red and I just turned my face the other way in embarrassment. My baby didnt end up crying, but was I wrong to not let her go ahead? She had two big packets of popcorn and something else in her hand I think. I had a basketful of fruit and milk, that's all.

OP posts:

NewAtThisMalarky · 12/02/2013 12:26

YANBU - but it's fairly obvious where the misunderstanding happened.

She asked if you minded.

You said no.

Therefore you said you don't mind if she cuts in front of you.

5alive4life · 12/02/2013 12:27

yanbu to tell he she cant go infront of you. yabu to say "no" when she asked "do you mind?" you should have said "yes i do mind"

manicinsomniac · 12/02/2013 12:27

It's easy to see how she misunderstood you. She said 'do you mind if I go ahead' and you said 'no' ie 'no, I don't mind, go for it.' If you'd minded you should have said 'yes.'

You weren't being unreasonable not to let her if you were in a hurry though and she had no special reason beyond not having much stuff. It's nice to let people go in those circumstances but sometimes you can't. ANd I don't think people should ask, they should wait and see if they get the offer.

Isildur · 12/02/2013 12:27

You told her it would be ok to go in front of you, then said she couldn't.

I'd have thought you were a bit odd too.

TheNebulousBoojum · 12/02/2013 12:28

Exactly.
No wrong or right, you had a choice and you made it. I bet she was embarrassed too.

fromparistoberlin · 12/02/2013 12:28

thats so funny

your major assertiviness attempt, failed! bless you!

Original poster

NoNoNooooo · 12/02/2013 12:28

Oh yes.

OP posts:

squeakytoy · 12/02/2013 12:29

By just saying "no" you said you didnt mind...

Isildur · 12/02/2013 12:29

OP, when people here say 'no is a complete sentence' , they don't mean say no when you mean yes

peeriebear · 12/02/2013 12:30

Well, you replied to her "Do you mind" with "no", so it did sound as if you were letting her in. However you hardly had a trolley full so it was no hardship for her to wait! I offer for people to go in front if we have a whole load and they have a couple of bits (guy last week who had milk, sugar and biscuits and was in work uniform). The week before a woman let me go in front in Lidl as I was just buying nappies. I didn't ask though!

Original poster

NoNoNooooo · 12/02/2013 12:30

Yes I realise that squeakytoy.

OP posts:

Starblue · 12/02/2013 12:31

You didn't say no though did you?!
She asked you if you minded her going in front of you and you said no-therefore you allowed her to go in front of you.
She did nothing wrong and didn't react as if no one had never said no to her,she was confused that you just let her ho in front of her and then told her she couldn't.
And I would get used to the baby crying our of the house if i were you!

catladycourtney1 · 12/02/2013 12:31

Haha, it's fine to say no, but not if you've just told her you don't mind!

usualsuspect · 12/02/2013 12:32

No isn't a complete sentence after all.Not that I ever thought it was.

nickelbabe · 12/02/2013 12:33

""do you mind if I go ahead of you?"
I replied (thanks to MN) "No". "

you said "no" - that means you said you didn't mind if she did. she asked you if you minded, not if she could.

big difference.
(cos i see you know now)

Starblue · 12/02/2013 12:33

Ha ha,cross posted with everyone who thought the same!
Just wait a bit op your lady will be on mn later discussing the clearly bonkers woman who allowed her to go ahead in the queue and then told her off.

Original poster

NoNoNooooo · 12/02/2013 12:34

Now I feel bad. Karma will bite me on the bum for this! Need to so something nice for someone quickly!

OP posts:

jen127 · 12/02/2013 12:34

ha ha ! I love that !
This happened to me recently - queueing at the supermarket which has the express aisles and I was at a regular till.
This woman behind me asked could she go ahead of me and I said no - For no good reason actually.
She was raging . I said you asked - I answered .
I would normally ;et anyone go ahead but I was a bit miffed that she didn't want to use the express tills which were empty but thought she could just go ahead !

MrsKeithRichards · 12/02/2013 12:35

Ah bless, just forget about it all!

Numberlock · 12/02/2013 12:35

How many items did she have? I'd have let her gone in front if it was only a few and you had a full trolley.

AlienReflux · 12/02/2013 12:35

Ha ha ha ha!! Sorry OP

GhoulWithADragonTattoo · 12/02/2013 12:36

You don't have to let her go in front of course. I wouldn't if I didn't have that much myself. I would if she had a few items and I had a trolley. BUT there were definite crossed wired over your "No". I always think saying something like "I'm sorry but I'm in a rush" is more polite and less likely to result in a misunderstanding. I think "No" as a full sentence is overused on MN and is often rude and, as you found, can be ambiguous. I would only use "No" as a sentence if there was a long standing problem with someone ignoring my wishes.

Original poster

NoNoNooooo · 12/02/2013 12:36

Numberlock I had a basket and she had 2-3 items in her hand.

OP posts:

AmazingBouncingFerret · 12/02/2013 12:39

SocialClimber · 12/02/2013 12:39

Brilliant.

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