What's the most appropriate birthday present for mil from hell

[plim]

So nothing new, my mil is a witch. I actually think she is very clever as she manipulates me, dh and her entire family like puppets on strings. Anyway, she hates me, offered me money not to marry dh, called dh two days before wedding begging him not to marry me saying he was making a huge mistake etc, that she was losing a son and then called me and told me a dark cloud has landed over her family and it's me. yada yada. I think it's because they are a family of top Drs and I didn't go to university - she brings that up a lot. I do however run a successful business but I am not what she hoped for. Anyway, on our wedding day she chucked a bottle of red wine over me - classy, she then ruined our wedding day by crying outside and then there was a fight between dh sister (a bridesmaid) and one of our family friends. Awful!

That's a very brief summary of ten years of hell. We agreed not o cut them off after much discussion and let them see the grandkids although she's starting her manipulative ways with the kids ( told my 7 yr old daughter that she shouldn't eat everything on her plate or she will end up like mummy) and tells my 4 yr old son to ask mummy if he can come and stay with her and she will give him lots of sweets etc etc. Anyway, trivialising for a moment - for the last three Xmas she has bought me the most obscure presents. A nailbrush from tk max with a bar of soap, following year a doormat, and this year a hand towel. Now, dh and I now laugh about it but it is a tad upsetting. It's her birthday next week.......what should I buy her?

[LeoandBoosmum]

Can you still buy a scold's bridle?

[MaMattoo]

As we say in my language 'for you I have nothing but lots of love in my heart' said with extreme sarcasm.

One way ticket to fuck off sounds good too!

[ChairmanWow]

How about a Dignitas gift voucher?

wrathofsumo.blogspot.co.uk/2010/06/dignitas-gift-vouchers-now-available.html?m=1

[MooseBeTimeForCoffee]

One of these

Maybe you could fill it before you wrap it? :)

[TheSkiingGardener]

A picture of your children reading a copy of "Toxic Inlaws"

[MyCannyBairn]

A heart.

[wombatcheese]

A photo calendar, 12 months of her DS looking v happy with you

[dolcelatte]

I think you would claim the moral high ground and make her look silly by giving her a conventional present, such as chocolates, flowers etc - don't descend to her pathetic level and don't waste time thinking about it - she's not worth it.

You say they are top doctors - are they psychiatrists? Do they understand one another?

[RobinSparkles]

Get her one of these.

[SecretNutellaFix]

Why are you buying your DH's mother's gifts?

You don't see eye to eye and she is his mother so it's up to him to get it.

[lashingsofbingeinghere]

A life-size plastic cow moo!

[lashingsofbingeinghere]

Or, the cheapest, nastiest scarf/chipped mug/egg cup that you can find in a charity shop. Hand it over in the charity shop plastic bag with a cheery note "Thought this was perfect for you! Happy birthday."

[MyCarHasBrokenDownAgain]

A life-size plastic cow moo!

Ooh no, they are waaay too nice! There's one in a garden near where I live, it's blue and white, really cool, and always makes me smile!

Actually, looking at that site, the 'standing cow' picture looks like it was taken by the beach huts on Seaford Beach (also near me!).

[TweedSlacks]

A multi pack of Izal toilet paper ( ask your mum )
Or . A really , really nice Primarni Track Suit in pure 100% Nylon?

[lolaflores]

I am a cunt mug
a dildo and slippers
a urnial in the african bush of your choice
norovirus cruise
Ticket to Fuck off


Can't stop laughing...o dear o dear

I have nothing to add except the very best wishes to her on the joyful occasion of her birthday.
Wine bottle full of piss and tell her you got it from an organic vinery.

[GregBishopsBottomBitch]

Karma sutra book, with positions ticked off.

[chickensarmpit]

A spade to the back of the head.

[cuppateaanyone]

Charity gift...best idea ever

[StitchAteMySleep]

How about this thread-shirt?

[Seabird72]

funeral plan

[StitchAteMySleep]

And this one for you?

[wednesdaygirl]

Lol at this
My mil offered to pay my sil not to marry her son, they hate each other

I on the other hand she loves

But sil and i enjoy our bitch chats

[AmberSocks]

why do you have to buy her anything?why be fake?If your dh wants to buy her something let him,i wouldnt buy someone i didnt like and who disliked me back anything for their birthday.

[misanthropologist]

If there was ever an occasion to gift someone with a large metal chicken, it's this one: thebloggess.com/2011/06/and-thats-why-you-should-learn-to-pick-your-battles/ also known as BOK BOK M-F-er!

I mock-threaten my DH and MIL with one occasionally when they get a bit out of hand.

[JamieandtheMagicTorch]

I agrre with those who say an oxfam goat or similar