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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think you don't let your toddler play with noisy electic games on a packed train?

290 replies

Hammy02 · 11/02/2013 13:14

Or any train for that matter. I was on jam packed train at the weekend (no spare seats, aisle full of people standing up) and one woman was sat with her small child playing with a toy that said 'triangle', 'square' etc when the kid pressed each shape. I was a couple of seats in front & could hear it! AIBU to think this was utterly selfish of the mum? Other people were giving her the evils but she seemed oblivious.

OP posts:
Fenton · 11/02/2013 16:19

If I remember, though, Lynne Truss is all about how one must accept the world around us, yes?

But the missing 'bit' here (pardon me, I am not outstandingly good with words) is that while she one is preaching about how much more understanding one must be about the people around us, she is actually doing the opposite isn't she - 'oh it's a shame for these people that they don't think/act like me'

she constantly contradicts the point she tries to make.

still meh

woozlebear · 11/02/2013 16:20

Ditto, mechanical, although I've come to realise that (over minor social irritants at any rate, like loud music, feet on seats etc) people who do these things genuinely don't mind being on the receiving end themselves and so it simply doesn't occur to them that anyone else might. And they think that if you do you're a total loon who should be ignored. I used to assume that it was pure selfishness, whereas a lot of the time it's entirely different standards. Even more tricky to balance.

tryhardrep · 11/02/2013 16:22

crikey - had no idea how strongly people felt about this. Was letting my 2 DC watch peppa pig on an ipad yesterday, kept the volume down quite low admittedly, but they were tired/bored etc and I thought the alternative was worse.

As for the OP, if the kid had been running up and down the aisles screaming, or lying across two seats I'd understand but under the circumstances, a noisy toy sounds like pretty small fry

tryhardrep · 11/02/2013 16:22

watching peppa pig on the train I should have said...

doublechocchip · 11/02/2013 16:23

Yanbu op would have annoyed me too.

usualsuspect · 11/02/2013 16:23

Only people with standards care, the rest of us plebs just get on with life.

Panzee · 11/02/2013 16:24

Hooray! More ettiquete squabbles. Mumsnet is more and more like Curb Your Enthusiasm every day. :)

MrsDeVere · 11/02/2013 16:25

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MechanicalTheatre · 11/02/2013 16:25

usual we're all just trying to get on with life though, aren't we? Different things annoy different people, got nothing to do with being a pleb or anything else.

usualsuspect · 11/02/2013 16:26

Err, woozlebear seems to think so.

woozlebear · 11/02/2013 16:29

while she one is preaching about how much more understanding one must be about the people around us, she is actually doing the opposite isn't she - 'oh it's a shame for these people that they don't think/act like me'

Fenton - I think I see your point about this apparent contradiction, but actually doesn't it illustrate the very value of the 'considerate' behaviour that she advocates. Yes, we all have different standards about acceptable behaviour and what one person minds another person doesn't, BUT some behaviours are an excellet compromise. So being quiet upsets no one, whereas noise really upsets some people. Putting your feet on the floor -to use a random example - upsets no one, whereas dirty seats from people's shoes are horrible to many others. I don't think Lynne Truss advocates everyone doing what she wants. I think she's advocating everyone behaving in a way which causes the least deprivation to them and the most benefit to everyone else.

5madthings · 11/02/2013 16:30

God just how noisy do people think a talking toy is?!! They can be irritating but they are just normal voice level.

We don't really have electrinicy toddler toys ie vtech stuff as I front much like them but they aren't that noisy. adults on the phoneir being loud and swearing are far worse. At least the toy serves a purpose. If you were in the quiet carriage you might have a point. But a packed train isdnt going to be quiet anyway. If you want quiet pre-book a seat in a quiet carriage.

woozlebear · 11/02/2013 16:30

I seem to think what, usual? (Genuinely not sure what you're saying...)

usualsuspect · 11/02/2013 16:31

That it's all about standards. It's not.

KatieMiddleton · 11/02/2013 16:31

Lol at wholesome family.

There are so many things that are annoying about commuting that focusing on one child and one rather irritating noise just seems so futile.

ouryve · 11/02/2013 16:33

I think I might have sat near that family before, MrsDeVere All very loudly making up a nice, wholesome little story while the 2 year old threw pencils on the floor :o

Nervousfirsttimer · 11/02/2013 16:33

I can beat this... Man watching 24 days later or whatever it's called, screamy zombie film on a train with no headphones and made no attempt to keep volume down!

KatieMiddleton · 11/02/2013 16:36

Apparently some poor buggers had to sit near George Osborne on a train once. I honestly don't know they tolerated him.

MechanicalTheatre · 11/02/2013 16:36

Having DIFFERENT standards though usual . Not saying one is better than the other.

I personally wish I was more tolerant of noise, but it goes right through me and stresses me out. It's not something I can help.

Normally I carry earplugs and stick them in if I'm on public transport, but that's a bit annoying in itself because it makes you feel cut off from the world.

woozlebear · 11/02/2013 16:39

I said that I think that this sort of situation often stems from different people having fundamentally different ideas about what is annoying and what's not rather than people thinking 'yes, I know this is annoying behaviour, I wouldn't like being on the receiving end of it, but I'll do it anyway'. I didn't say anything about it being 'all about standards', or some people having standards and some people not or anything like that. I was saying it's a matter of different standards rather than selfishness.

And I certainly don't know where you got the 'plebs' bit!

usualsuspect · 11/02/2013 16:46

Meh, it's got nothing to do with standards and everything to do with having a bit of understanding towards a child.

Which seems sadly lacking by some on this thread.

MechanicalTheatre · 11/02/2013 16:52

usual I DO understand and I would never say anything.

However, it still annoys me. And I personally would never bring anything noisy onto a train, because I know it would annoy other people.

We could equally say that you should have more understanding towards people who get stressed out by noise.

woozlebear · 11/02/2013 16:53

Really usual? The fact that we're disagreeing about this has nothing to do with the fact that you and I have different standards? Hmm What is it then? The fact that you're right and I'm wrong Grin?

glossyflower · 11/02/2013 16:58

It's all about being considerate to one another. A child doesn't always automatically get more consideration just because of their age.
I think we as adults should be teaching children acceptable behaviours, and we have to agree on one thing that the concept of 'acceptable behaviours' varies from person to person.

MissPricklePants · 11/02/2013 17:00

It wouldn't bother me, rather hear a toy than a screaming child! Me and dd regularly use trains and do long distances (6 hours plus) and I take crayons, paper, magazine, little figures, snacks etc and she still gets restless and bored so anything to stop the whinging is a plus! YABU OP, unless it was a quiet carriage. People talking loudly on their phones irritate me, or loud music etc etc how is a childs toy different?