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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be mad at my husband for being an argumentative grumpy man in the mornings

29 replies

ThePFJ · 11/02/2013 09:20

......he woke up like a bulldog who had been shot in the ass, argued with me over everything in front of our 4 year old before school this morning, and when he later apologised 10 mins ago, I just accepted the apology to make it all stop.
AIBU to now be angry at him for putting me in such a BAD mood.
A nice snowy morning like this should have been fun.....
grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr
(rant over)

OP posts:
mrsjay · 11/02/2013 09:29

I would tell him to stop being so arsey dont speak to ANYBODY in the morning if he is going to be so bloody grumpy and tbh i would tell him to stick his apology if this is a regular thing ? I am so not a morning person I just ignore people and it saves me chewing DH face off,

DPotter · 11/02/2013 09:57

I'm like a bear with a sore head in the mornings - just not my time of day. I'm best left to my own devices until the 2nd cup of tea hits the brain. However my DP of 30+ yrs still tries to engage me in witty repartee every morning. he also asks questions - 'where's my wallet / phone / car key ?' is a favourite. He is relentingly 'chipper' in the mornings and it drives me crazy! You would think after so long together he would know to leave well alone but no, sometimes he pushes & pushes until I growl / roar.

I'm not condoning the arguing or putting you in a bad mood but if he's always like this - maybe just back off until he's awake.

mrsjay · 11/02/2013 10:00

whatDpotter said My dh is very cheery in the morning I just growl he tries to start conversations that is irrelevant to that time of the morning I just hide in my coffee cup till he goes,

Dawndonna · 11/02/2013 10:06

At one point, not so very long ago there was a note on the fridge, put up by one of my dds. It read: Kindly remember Mum doesn't even begin to resemble a human until her 2nd coffee!
Tis all true, so tell him not to engage with anybody until he can do so without being a git!

mrsjay · 11/02/2013 10:08

um doesn't even begin to resemble a human until her 2nd coffee!
Tis all true, so tell him not to engage with anybody until he can do so without being a git!

Grin you have a wise child

EuroShagmore · 11/02/2013 10:09

I'm the same as DPotter. Fortunately, Mr Euro is not a morning person either, so we largely stay out of one another's way until heads have cleared. It's one of the reasons I marrid him. Smile

aldiwhore · 11/02/2013 10:11

I've been a cow since I woke up... I feel bad enough every day at about 11am and the coffee's kicked in. DH let's me get on with it, he doesn't get in a mood with me, he knows my own guilt at being a bitch is punishment enough.

I'm grumpy as hell in the morning. DH isn't chipper (thank goodness, I might actually stab him if he was) but he doesn't tend to lurk in doorways (!) or wherever I need to stomp next.

wannabedomesticgoddess · 11/02/2013 10:15

I dont speak to DP in the mornings because hes a total wanker before 10am. He turns into a child. All moan moan moan.

The rest of the time hes lovely though.

mrsjay · 11/02/2013 10:15

I hate it when he wanders about chirping like a budgie when im trying to do stuff in the morning he stands int he way b lethering on Angry

AnyFucker · 11/02/2013 10:51

I am quiet and withdrawn in the mornings. DH knows not to try and engage me. If he did though, he would get a couple of grunts, not a harpy deliberately picking arguments in front of the kids

Your H sounds simply rude.

MrsKeithRichards · 11/02/2013 10:56

Dh is a grumpy shit in the morning, it puts me in a bad mood which is unacceptable. He's reigning it in a bit now. It was never an issue as he just got up and went out but working patterns have change and we're all about at the same time.

aldiwhore · 11/02/2013 11:00

You are right MrsKeithRichards it IS unacceptable. BUT there is compromise I think. I will never not be grumpy in the mornings, DH will always pick the most obstructive place to stand and scratch his head. I have developed a warning grunt, and he slightly moves when he sees me stomping through, it's better than it was!

FightingForSurvival · 11/02/2013 11:36

I am the grumpy one in the mornings. We are both grumpy around 6.30 in the evening. I am trying to bathe the kids and get them sorted for bed and he rings up on the way from home, adrenaline pumping from his day at work and starts firing questions about what post we have received, did this thing happen, did I do this that or the other, all the time kids are jumping all over me trying to get my attention. Sometimes I just don't answer the phone and say sorry they were in the bath. lol.

valiumredhead · 11/02/2013 12:16

Dh and I don't speak to each other at all in the mornings - works very well Grin

FeistyLass · 11/02/2013 12:35

Another grumpy morning person here. Dh is all chat, chat and chat and it drives me mad. Sometimes I ask him to go to another room Blush and leave me alone. On other occasions, I just have to look at him and he stops talking and slinks off.
I need fresh air and music to get over my morning grumpiness. Ds seems to be the same so we put the radio on and dance round the room to wake up.
You're either a morning person or you're not, so maybe cut your grumpy dh a bit of slack.

Branleuse · 11/02/2013 12:43

my dp is a fucker in the mornings too. Sometimes it upsets me, usually i just ignore it.

BeaWheesht · 11/02/2013 12:46

Are you having an affair with my husband? If so you can keep him.

Yanbu

quesadilla · 11/02/2013 13:02

I'm sorry I just don't get this "not a morning person" shit... It's such a poor excuse. Almost no one feels in top of the world at 5.45 on a freezing cold morning, faced with a long commute to a job they are indifferent about. Why is it that about half the population get this get out of jail card to be an obnoxious twat to their family? (my DH is a bit prone to this). I really am zero tolerance with this. Have a bit of self respect and stop being a child if you use this as an excuse to be rude to people based on something as arbitrary as the time of day...
FFS

AnyFucker · 11/02/2013 13:08

Indeed, quesadilla

MrsKeithRichards · 11/02/2013 13:13

I'm not a morning person either, someone's got to be though!

Cluffyfunt · 11/02/2013 13:18

I'm not a morning person but have to pretend to be human nice for my dc.

When I have messed up and been a ranty cow-bag, I've been sad all day about ruining their morning. Even more so if they've had to go to school.

I would get up earlier if I was being nasty to DCs/dh so as to give myself enough time to wake up tbh I would be furious if dh was an arse every morning and just expected me to tip-toe around him!

mrsjay · 11/02/2013 13:20

I never shout at anybody I quietly grunt and pretend to poke DH in the eye Grin but i realy cant be chipper first thing takes me ages to come round . Op tell your dh to not talk to you if he is going to be so grumpy

Numberlock · 11/02/2013 13:32

Well said quesadilla. Mornings don't bother me, it's in the evenings that I've usually had enough. However, I still manage to be polite and pleasant to my family.

I bet the majority of these non-morning people still manage to function at work where they wouldn't get away with that type of thing.

BelleEtLaBaby · 11/02/2013 13:42

Dh and I have eventually settled on a system that works well for us. He's a night owl and I'm a lark, which equates to he is a grumpy bastard in the morning but stays up late, and I'm great in the mornings but frazzled in the evening. We weren't always like this, both used to be more evening people but since having ds I've adjusted really easily and actually prefer life this way.

I do all the morning stuff with ds - get up, leave dh in bed (he works from home so this works), get dressed and sort ds. Dh does bedtime and bath and generally takes over from 7pm onwards while I chill out or have a nice early night. Works brilliantly as we are both sorting ds while at our best, and neither of us feel we are pushing ourselves at bad times, iyswim. Ds gets chilled, happy parents at all times of the day :)

This has changed a bit as I'm pregnant again with hyperemesis so can't function in the mornings at all, so now I'm going to bed with ds as I'm a bit better in the evening and he is doing all the mornings. We're both struggling but know it's temporary and will go back to normal once I'm better (soon I hope!).

Yanbu for being annoyed but ime it's really hard to do anything about a person who's really bad in the mornings, apart from make coffee and leave them alone :)

Bogeyface · 11/02/2013 13:43

I am not a morning person at all, I really struggle to get up and get going, but I dont use it as a reason to be vile to anyone. Most people dont!