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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to want to kick dp in the balls!!!!!

135 replies

InTheNightGarden · 10/02/2013 17:59

We have a 22month old dd who is teething atm and is a nightmare! (No fault of her own)
And a week old ds.

We live in a small terrace house...SMALL! things are hard enough atm with dc and the fact we're moving in just 3 weeks and I've been trying to pack things up (no help from dp) he's had his brother here ALL weekend, all they've done is sit on their asses in the lounge playing fucking fifa!!! The lounge tv is the only one we have and I dont particularly get on with his brother (he's caused us a lot of problems!) so I've been in my bedroom all weekend with ds, he's had dd playing downstairs.

I was unaware his brother was staying! I was never asked, or even told, technically it's my house although he helps pay for things.

His friends have now turned up... I've gone upstairs with ds to express milk, he's come up telling me I'm rude and that I need to be downstairs to occupie his friends partners....my boobs are killing me there so full and there's only enough milk in the fridge for another 2 feeds.

I'm hungry! (Can't eat with people around, own problem I know) so havnt really eaten all weekend,my boobs kill, I'm tired from nights with ds, I'm sick of boxes everywhere and trying to organise everything, I'm fed up of dps attempts of licking my ass because he knows I'm annoyed he's been a cock all weekend.

And I don't feel I'm being rude by NEEDING to get this milk out my sodding boobs!! I just feel like crying... dp's now come and announced its my hormones! ...foot in balls very shortly!!!!!!!

OP posts:

ThereGoesTheYear · 10/02/2013 20:43

What a cruel and childish man. It might not feel like it, but walking away is the best thing he could do for you. You've just had his baby. He should be kind and tender and solicitous. He should not be behaving like an utter bastard by having a fucking FIFA night with his mates and not cooking for you and expecting you to look after both children. What an utter shit.

ballstoit · 10/02/2013 20:43

Oh sweetie, do you have someone who can come over to get you some dinner and help get DD to bed?

Don't think about your P at the moment...a week after new baby and in the midst of moving house is not the time for either of you to be making big decisions.

Is your P also DDs Dad?

whattodoo · 10/02/2013 20:51

Is he still there at the moment or has he gone?

Squiglettsmummy2bx · 10/02/2013 20:54

You are worth so much more & don't deserve any of this. Snuggle up with your little people & know that you are the lucky one to be there with them x

KenLeeeeeee · 10/02/2013 21:02

I'm glad they've gone, OP. Let the shithead leave too, in the long run you will be glad of it. My ex behaved in a not-too-dissimilar fashion and it took me 10 months to tell him to fuck off. I never looked back!

You deserve to be waited on hand and foot a week after having had a baby and struggling to establish bf.

Whereabouts do you live? There are loads of bf support groups and clinics all over the country. I implore you to contact some and get someone to see you and check your baby out for tongue-tie (my dc4 had this and feeding was agony for the first week), also to look over your positioning and attachment and generally to give you a bit of support.

On a practical note, do you have any family or non-twatty friends who can come over and give you a bit of a rest from the housework and looking after your dd? Don't cling on to any pride; this is the one time in your life when nobody with a shred of decency about them will begrudge you any help.

Please look into your options WRT staying in your current home too. Crossing the house move off your list will lessen your stress a billion times.

Finally, have a very un-MNy (((((hug))))))

poodletip · 10/02/2013 21:18

YANBU at all for wanting to, though you would be a bit if you actually did it of course. It sounds like you could really use some support if you can call on any from friends or family? By the sounds of it you'd be better off letting him go :( but what shocking timing.

unMN hugs from me too.

Isityouorme · 10/02/2013 22:00

I feel so sorry for you. Be strong and don't ever forget how nasty he has been to you when you need him most .... There is no excuse for his behaviour. Lock the door and don't let him back in.

SquinkiesRule · 10/02/2013 22:43

Aww sweetheart that is so wrong, let him go, call your family or best friends and get someone to come and give you support, and whatever happens, don't move in with him and leave your house. If he's doing this now, chances are it'll get worse and then you'll want a smaller home for you just and the kids. Stay put, and give those babies lots of hugs.

Original poster

InTheNightGarden · 10/02/2013 22:47

Sorry taken so long to reply, it's taken me that long to get dd to sleep and ds fed!

He literally just walked out, he is absolutely oblivious to why I feel the way I do. He obve can't care much :( :( :( about any of us!

I'm so tired and disappointed that I'm not even angry anymore.

I don't live near my family, any friends I did have I wouldn't say are friends anymore and the friends I would call have their own children to look after.

Have no choice but to move now! Too late to pull out. I'll look into going into rented when I have the time!

With the bf, thank you for your suggestions :) I have had him checked for tounge tie and the lady said if he has its not an obvious one and won't be picked up till he's older/bigger. I Have lansinoh! Love the stuff!

OP posts:

ImperialBlether · 10/02/2013 22:51

Whereabouts are you, OP? Is there anything any of us can do to help?

Original poster

InTheNightGarden · 10/02/2013 22:53

yourhand he acted like that the whole pregnancy in the end, luckily I had ds 2 weeks early so that was 2 weeks I didn't have to put up with that behaviour! I had my mum at the birth for support, he came too and shockingly he was great!! Since I've had ds he's still not come near me unless I make pathetic kissy noises... and it can't be a weight issue now as I'm back in my size 6/8 clothes with no stretch marks or anything and bigger boobs...I'd say my body is better now than ever! Ohhh welllll :(

OP posts:

Original poster

InTheNightGarden · 10/02/2013 22:54

I'm in Somerset, anyone else here?

OP posts:

lottiegarbanzo · 10/02/2013 22:58

So shocked, especially that someone who already has a child, so knows what's involved with babies, could be so selfish and behave so badly. Relieved for you that he's gone. Please don't forget this, don't accept excuses.

Hope things work out with the houses and you can feel you have a new start soon. Best of luck.

Nagoo · 10/02/2013 23:00

What. A. Dick.

Please try to get some sleep.

We'll be here in the morning.

Can you ring your mum?

I was going to say you'll need some help, but TBH day to day you'll probably cope better without that weight around your neck...

Nagoo · 10/02/2013 23:01

Oh and YANBU about the kick in the balls.

Londonmrss · 10/02/2013 23:12

What a cunt.

Story about the bf problems. I had very similar and had to exclusively express for a few weeks. If you can afford it, rent a hospital grade pump lounge the Medela Symphony. Van also recommend nipple shield. I know bf support people advise against introducing shields so early but I wouldn't still be bf without them.

Sounds like you'll be much better without that asshole around. Hope you're ok though.

DizzyZebra · 10/02/2013 23:14

Fuck NO you are not being unreasonable. Are you as obnoxious confident as me so you can throw them out of the house, whilst lecturing them on THEIR incredible lack of manners.

WTF seriously? I'm angry for you.

Londonmrss · 10/02/2013 23:15

massive auto correct fail in that last message. I did mean to use the cunt word though.

Flisspaps · 10/02/2013 23:17

Dizzy, things have moved on since the OP.

DizzyZebra · 10/02/2013 23:19

OH god i am so sorry i only read the first half of the thread

OHforDUCKScake · 10/02/2013 23:31

Thats not true re tongue tie. The sooner it gets diagnosed the better.

If she thinks that, then she is clueless about tongue tie and wont be able to check for it properly. Id see someone else.
Also, try nipple sheilds.

WRT your dickhead DP, you are definitely best off out of it. Good ridance. Seej support here. X

CSIJanner · 11/02/2013 02:14

Is the house house paid for etc? Then it's never too late to pull out ESP with your circumstances. Are things a solutely signed or is it deposits etc for moving?Can you make calls tomorrow! You've got a week old, a teething toddler and a twunt of an ex-p. whilst people in the chain will be upset, it would be understandable xx

MidniteScribbler · 11/02/2013 04:37

What a horrible excuse for a manchild. Your children will be better not having such a toxic role model in their home.

For your nipples, I had a very similar problem and the lanisoh wasn't really helping. It was so bad I was crying when trying to feed, and DS was refusing a bottle. My doctor prescribed a cream for me and it sorted the issue out within a day or so and I'm just weaning now at 12 months. I'm 3000kms from home at the moment so can't check the name, but the hospital were able to prescribe it for me. Good luck.

CheerfulYank · 11/02/2013 05:01

Ugh, what a dick! Honestly. I am sick to the back teeth of these worthless men! Just because they "can" walk away, they do! Fucking hell.

Sorry, OP. That's neither here nor there. I'm across the ocean or I'd come round. :( What a shitty situation to be in.

PleasePudding · 11/02/2013 05:09

You poor poor thing. I don't understand how anyone could treat a new mother like that. It is genuinely shocking. But I agree with the other posters that it is better to not have someone like that - you and your DC are worth so much more.

We moved when my daughter was three weeks and my son a toddler, I also had breast feeding problems which led to mastitis. I really do understand how horrible and unsettling it is having the move hanging over you and then the frustrations of difficult feeding - although it sounds like you are doing a great job with the expressing! Not to mention balancing the needs of your older child. It sounds like you are being heroic! I really hope you get some loving support soon, if not at least some professional packers maybe? They are great and come and do it all in a very small amount of time so you don't have to live in quite the same level of upheaval for quite so long. Frankly I think paying for professionals is the least that knobhead can do!

Really, really look after yourself - I do remember how hideous it all was and it is so so much better now and he is really not worth your tears.

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