To think their is NOTHING wrong with extended breastfeeding or wet nursing?

[Thisisaname]

Look at the comments below

I was researching extended breastfeeding and came across this.
I see nothing wrong with this, I wouldn't be 'scared' for life if I could remember being breast fed or found out I was given someone else's milk.
I think the only 'scarring' would come from going from the natural environment of being fed from something to then finding out a large majority find it sexual, not the actual feeding itself.

YANBU. Lots of great posts on this thread from BFing mums.

I breastfed DS1 until he was 5. We never set out to do that; it was just what felt right to us. DS2 is only 22 months and I suspect I won't do it as long with him, because different kids are different. But honestly, who cares? shrug

I agree that there are probably loads of UK women who EBF, but stay discreet about it because they would rather not be having to defend their parenting decisions all the time to random acquaintances and strangers. I don't mind challenging social norms, but it gets fatiguing to have to explain yourself all the time.

I admit though that I am sceptical of the mums who turn their EBF experiences into tabloid fodder. I don't think that kind of publicity leads to anything positive: it just reinforces the prejudices of morons who think that EBF is a freak show.

I had to come on to this thread only to say to the poster who said she would have to lactate like a heifer that a heifer is a young female cow who has not yet calved therefore doesn't lactate.
It had to be said!

I admit though that I am sceptical of the mums who turn their EBF experiences into tabloid fodder.

I think that is the problem.

As with any other aspect of parenting, someone will always take it to extremes and shout about it.

In this case the extremes she is going to are not actually that extreme which is why the headline refers to what she said (perhaps) that she would do rather than what she actually does.

What makes me sad is that people don't just see BFing a teenager as extreme. Many seem to perceive the entirely appropriate and natural practice of BFing pre-schoolers as weird and extreme.

I didn't set out to BF long term. I didn't have a plan.

I JUST HAD NO REASON TO STOP.

Why would I cause my child distress by withdrawing the milk nature intended her to drink and then replace it with the milk made by cows for their calves?

I would never in a million years tell another mother that they should be BF their child at any age but I would love to live in a society which had its priorities less skewed and accepted this wonderful, natural method of giving babies and children the perfect food for them.

We don't get upset seeing a cow feeding a calf in a field even when they are old enough to have been weaned and survive on other food so why do we get so uptight about mothers who want to do the same for their offspring?

BFing children isn't creepy or abusive. It is what nature intended and the fact that the child would be fit and healthy if offered an alternative doesn't make it bad!

I thought a heifer was a female cow who had only calved once. Am I wrong?

Tis ok Oxford, I think I fancy you too :)

Not read all pages yet, but I thought I'd throw in my experience, in the interests of the public understanding of longer term breastfeeding!

My daughter just turned 4. She feeds (comfort, not nutrition I'm sure) every day that I'm home - I work away a couple of days a week, sometimes longer.

At least once a week I suggest she stop - this isn't for my needs! In fact, I have been known to say "will you put that DOWN now!"

She says she wants to stop when she's 5. Or 12. Or next Wednesday. Depending on her mood.

Nursery say she's one of the most independent children that they have - though I will say, she's FOUR. Independence is not the be all and end all in a 4 year old! What do want them to do - move out?!

My girl is perfectly secure and happy not seeing me every day. My friend feeds her 4yo, and is divorced so her child stays with her dad a few days a week. Happily independent.

I just wanted to comment on the independence thing, and it being the mother's choice... Because you only here that uninformed incorrect view from those with no experience of it.

YANBU, though I don't think the article is great - oh wait, it's 'closer' magazine, what did we expect?!
Ds breastfed until he was 3 years and 1 month. (Notice how I say 'ds breastfed' not 'I breastfed him?' That's because that is how it is. Heads up for the people saying 'its for the mother's needs'. I'm sorry but that is total crap.)
I did encourage him to stop, partly because I was pregnant but also because I'd had enough! However I have no issue with people feeding for longer. It's still good for the child, how can anyone compare it to donuts.. Are they full of antibodies that fight infection? Er .. If they are can someone tell me because I'll stock up on the little critters!
Seriously some of the ignorance is sad, how can people say its wrong when they clearly have NO idea how it all works? Either do your research or keep ill informed 'opinions' to yourselves, people!

I am currently bf my 10 month old DS. I don't know when I'll stop. I have no plan. I stopped feeding my dd when she was 22 mo as I was pregnant with DS & she stopped wanting the milk as it tasted funny. Yes, she could walk & talk VERY clearly, & lots more besides.

DS will be my last child. If he still wants milk every few days when he's 5, who knows? My only concern would be that DD would be scarred as she DIDN'T have it.

I think articles ridiculing breast feeding like this are aimed to alleviate the guilt of those who don't even try. They can hold up these 'weirdos' & say they don't want to take that risk.

Attitudes to bf CAN be changed. I'm from NI & was born there at a time when bf figures were much lower than they are now (& they are still lowest in UK, Wales is next). My parents were at our house when I brought DD home, it had never occurred to my DF that I would bf. he was horrified, thought it was unnatural, said it was gross, thought that some real milk would be better for her. He worried he'd have no chance to bond (I live inengland now). (He's not normally a total arse, he just had v entrenched ideas on the matter) They are very close.

Interestingly IMO he is now quite an advocate of bf, I overheard him proudly proclaiming hat I'd bought a special dress so I could feed 6wo. DS at a family wedding, saying 'isn't that brilliant, she's such a good mum!' Don't get me wrong, i dont think what i didmakes me great, but I was pleased that he clearly did, given his previous views. It just shows me that exposure to it as the norm can change attitudes, articles like this have the opposite effect.

I snarfed at doughnuts too, surely it's bakewell or chocolate tarts?

Bollox to EBF children of 3 or 4 being 'infantilised'.

People who think this have never lived in developing countries where bf into early childhood is common.

Children growing up in these cultures are often MASSIVELY more responsible and mature at an early age than UK children who are weaned early.

I think it's amazing that its ok to criticise natural term bf openly in the press when all known evidence suggests it is at very worst harmless and at best beneficial, and yet it's considered morally unacceptable to openly criticise tiny newborns not being breastfed at all, when we know it would be better for them to have human milk.

I particularly agree with you roast post Shagmund.

I mean, imagine the out cry if anyone described crossing to FF from birth as 'creepy and child abuse'. They'd be all 'you can't tell a woman what to do with their own body, it's their choice, what business it is of anyone else's, why does anyone care what someone else feeds their baby'.

That doesn't seem to apply to breast feeding though....

For my own benefit! Rubbish. 2.5 year-old DS has just had to give up his morning feed because I'm pregnant and their just isn't anything there anymore (he's tried.. a few times.. which was a bit excruciating given current sensitivity)

Yes, I feel sad that when he asks in the morning I have to remind him that it's all gone, but to say that I was only feeding him for my benefit is ridiculous - believe me, I don't enjoy being attacked and latched onto with no warning should I not have a t-shirt on in bed and stalked when in the bath or shower!

"And I will not be told it's somehow icky in a culture where it's replaced by the milk of another species. Or that I'm the one with the problem when others are grossed out by the thought of a breast in a child's mouth, which is way more biologically appropriate than the common and rarely problematised idea of it in another adult's mouth, or all over the papers as a metaphor for sex, or under the scalpel of a surgeon offering cosmetic 'enhancement'."

Sparklyboots has raised some excellent points.

As I have associated breasts with feeding for so long and I no longer see them as remotely sexual, I'm in fact slowly becoming more and more uncomfortable with the idea of adults manhandling them at all. So I've got the opposite problem to those "grossed" out by them being used for feeding/comfort.

I think what's becoming apparent to me is that many people presume that women who Bf over a certain time limit (6months or a year, say) have planned to do so, in some sort of militant, 'I am Gaia, hear me roar! Every woman who does not do the same as me is inferior!' way. Whereas I have never come across a single woman who has decided to BF for years and years. These articles are unhelpful, because they force the interviewee to put a time limit on her Bfing, or whatever habit she is talking about, and it makes it look like some hardcore plan. That is really unhelpful to women pg for the first time, who might think they have to decide how long they'll bf for before they start. The truth is, as everyone here who EBFs proves, is that you start BFing and then don't see why you should stop at such and such an age, because you can see that it benefits the child physically, mentally and emotionally.

Shagmund, your points are excellent. It also reminded me of something else I get uneasy about when people try to chat shit about BFing in other countries; it always has, to me, a bit of a whiff of colonialism, racism even, as though there is this veiled thought that they are savages or not as good as us and we should be 'better' than them.

My friend is a photographer and specialises in capturing scenes from the lives of women and children that the world never sees or thinks about, and she has taken wonderful shots in developing countries of 5 yr old children working alongside their mothers in fields, wielding hefty knives, then stopping for a quick BF then back on with the chopping. Bfing is infantilising, is it?!

I don't quite understand why people want kids to be older than they should be developmentally. Think about how fucked-up all those Tory toffs are that were sent away to boarding schools when they were still so young!

Ha, my original plan with DD1 was to BF for 6 months. Seem to have gone a little bit over that- 3 years and 10 months over to be precise.

Have to admit I would never give DD1 a hefty knife. Maybe I'm babying her

Eau, she will be living at home to Bf hourly when she's at University, you monster! I started Ds on the scythe at 12 months.

EauRouge Now what are you doing back here?

I remember sitting on the sofa at 3 months in, sobbing my heart out and being glad that I only had 3 more months to go before I could stop BF. Then I heard someone say that you shouldn't give cows milk until 12 months and I wondered what I was suppose to do for the 6 months in-between. Formula? So why was I BF in the first place, and what happened at 6 months to change things? I started researching on the internet, read the Breast and Bottling Feeding boards and bought 'The Politics of Breastfeeding', and then later 'Breastfeeding Older Children'. I can't say I agreed with everything and did sometimes find both authors a bit too militant and worthy, but I learned a lot and a lot about our society too. DS will be 3 next week and he's still feeding. So, I definitely didn't set out with a BF agenda, and still don't have one, but knowledge changes a lot. (as does your supply settling down )

Oxfordbags, exactly. I too was another who thought 6 months would be my limit, or 'until they get teeth', until the first tooth and 6 months came and went and I realised that it was unrealistic. DS loved breastfeeding, I thought it was brilliant because I had a built-in, never-ending supply of 'sleeping potion' (as my OH called it), and it had just become a part of our lives by then.

I don't regret any of it. DS is 2.5, and weaning himself. I never planned to go this long!

Baroness, I'm a glutton for punishment I was concerned about my DDs' lack of knife skills. Think I'd better get them both started right away. I wonder if a meat cleaver will be too heavy for DD1?

You make a good point though, I wonder if a lot of people think BF a 3yo is exactly like BF a 3 mo? It's not; it's waaaay bloody easier. There's no way in hell I would have lasted 4 years if the entire 4 years had been like the first few weeks.

Yeah, I gave myself a maximum limit of 18 months, which sounded loads, but when he got to that age, it didn't even occur to me to give up. He clearly still wants and needs it and it's such a lovely, fun part of daily life. And you get to really relax and think during a longer feeding sesh.

Eaurouge, oh god, the early weeks! And I think there should be more reassuring info about getting through teething and what it's like to BF a child with a full mouth of teeth (it's not bad, for anyone reading this who hasn't got there yet).

I had someone ask me about teething yesterday. It's amazing how quickly they learn not to bite the boob that feeds. Actually, DD1 never really went through a biting phase and DD2 only did it a few times for a week or so.

Considering some babies get teeth very early it would be nice for more information. I had so many people say to me 'you'll have to stop when she gets teeth', I think a lot of people actually believe that you do have to stop. Then why are they called milk teeth

Do you relax and think during long feeds? That's admirable, I usually relax and play Angry Birds (no hands needed for feeding when they get older!)

I think wet nursing is total reasonable. If I was friends with someone and we both had babies who were BF and she wanted a break, I could take over and vice versa. What is odd about this?

YANBU OP. It's noboy elses business.