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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think their is NOTHING wrong with extended breastfeeding or wet nursing?

511 replies

Thisisaname · 10/02/2013 16:33

Look at the comments below

I was researching extended breastfeeding and came across this.
I see nothing wrong with this, I wouldn't be 'scared' for life if I could remember being breast fed or found out I was given someone else's milk.
I think the only 'scarring' would come from going from the natural environment of being fed from something to then finding out a large majority find it sexual, not the actual feeding itself.

OP posts:

OxfordBags · 11/02/2013 19:04

Well, we can agree on the lazing, Absolute

I will confess that I wouldn't want Ds to be Bfing at 9, say, but he's not that age yet so it's easy to say and each to their own, I say.

TheYamiOfYawn · 11/02/2013 19:07

And when the child loses his or her latch, it isn't a case of them going "No milk. Time to stop". It becomes more of an effort to get milk, so they tend to gradually (sometimes over a couple of years) cut down on feeds as the effort starts to outweigh the reward. Dd has been in the process of weaning for the past year or so, and that's pretty much in line with other children I know who have self weaned.

VisualiseAHorse · 11/02/2013 20:09

Just a VERY random thought....

Does anyone think there may be a link between early puberty and babies spending less time BF?....my mind does work in odd ways sometimes.

BertieBotts · 11/02/2013 20:10

I don't think so, Horse, because breastfeeding rates were at their lowest in the 50s and 60s and puberty has been getting earlier since then, I believe? Nice theory though

Maybe83 · 11/02/2013 21:32

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

5madthings · 11/02/2013 21:39

My teen has seen me breeding and seen me give birth, they are normal bodily functions and shouldn't make people feel sick. If you campn express thats great and an amazing thing to try as its hard work. Tbh tho I would look at why it makes you feel sick and see if you can do something about that, Cbt or counselling if you want to. Purely because tho hard work bfeeding can be amazing when it works.

You don't have to understand it want to feed a baby or toddler or any age child but it is the biological norm and it to me seems sad to find it sick. You obviously have deep rooted feelings and if that doesn't bother you then that's fine, but if it does its worth exploring those feelings :)

Its sad that any person feels sick at the thought if their body doing something so normal iry to feel sad about the way they look WTC. The human body is an amazing thing to be proud of :)

5madthings · 11/02/2013 21:39

Etc not WTC?! Autocorrect gone mad!

5madthings · 11/02/2013 21:40

Bfeefding not breeding serving me breeding would be odd!

Sparklyboots · 11/02/2013 21:49

Just want to add my own hollow laughter at the notion that I continue to bf my 25mo through pg, while working a high pressure job 'for my own benefit'. Fuck off.

VisualiseAHorse · 11/02/2013 22:01

Clearly I am sleep deprived. Ignore me :)

Glad you corrected that 5mad - did think it was a little odd for your teen to see you breeding.....

5madthings · 11/02/2013 22:03

Yes it would be very very odd, wrong in fact (book) he was 11 when I had dd and it was his request to be at the birth, he cut the cord after she was born :)

5madthings · 11/02/2013 22:04

Boakr not book fgs I can't type tonight..,

OxfordBags · 11/02/2013 22:05

I was a bit perturbed at you letting your teen see you greeding, 5madthings

Maybe83, you sound like you have a lot of issues around BFing. The strength of feeling you have about it sounds like it goes beyond a personal distaste and sounds almost phobic. To not want to Bf or be a bit freaked out as a teen to see your mum Bfing is fine but to be so distressed about your milk coming in and to rate it more upsetting than labour really does sound very worrying. I would gently suggest that when you were a teen, there was some transference going on; that everything that was going wrong or hurting you at the time got mentally heaped into one internal mind-drawer called 'breastfeeding'. I would also suggest, not patronisingly, that perhaps some counselling could help you - not to persuade you to Bf, no-one should do that, it's your choice, but your aversion to it sounds troubling and no-one deserves to that sort of thing rattling around in their mind.

allwaysthebaddie · 11/02/2013 22:51

oxford ive left you a message on the thread where you accuse my lovely dad of abuse you silly woman.

Kiwiinkits · 11/02/2013 22:51

And I thought the militant la leche league was an urban myth! This thread has blasted it right open! I had no idea that there were so many people willing to fight to the death over bfing. But now I know.

Sparklyboots you too? I personally think it's unbelievable pressure to put a woman under, to expect her to breastfeed for really long periods, perhaps while pg, perhaps more than one child. And if she doesn't, well, she's not fit to be a mother. She doesn't have a proper attachment to her kids. Well, fuck that. I think the french feminist was right: society's expectations of breastfeeding should recognise women as their own, independent, functioning adults with lives of their own. Who may feel that well, actually, my 1.5 year old is perfectly fine without the need to suckle on me.

Can't imagine any mammals in their natural state (pigs, horses etc) where milk-feedding goes beyond infancy. But I'm not a farmer, happy to be enlightened.

5madthings · 11/02/2013 22:54

There are already links that show that other mammals do nurse their young to an equivalent age is in term if development and weight.

If you don't want to that is fine, but there is nothing wrong in doing so if a mother and child want to.

Zappo · 11/02/2013 23:04

"I personally think it's unbelievable pressure to put a woman under, to expect her to breastfeed for really long periods, perhaps while pg, perhaps more than one child. And if she doesn't, well, she's not fit to be a mother."

Have I missed something in this fast moving thread as I don't see anybody pressuring women to practice ebf unless they wish to or have expressed an interest in doing so. Very few people bf past 6 weeks/6 months anyway so we are talking about a tiny minority of people who might even be in a position to bf whilst pregnant with second baby.

Maybe83 · 11/02/2013 23:13

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

5madthings · 11/02/2013 23:16

Emataphobia. There are a gewv,netters with that and they have some threads and tactics for coping with it. On another forum I go on a mum had it and got CbT to help her with it.

OxfordBags · 11/02/2013 23:20

I didn't accuse your dad of abuse on another thread, you detailed an incident that he did that I said sounded abusive, as it was pretty shocking. Anything written elsewhere, especially as it is totally unrelated, is totally irrelevant and bringing it up here just makes you look silly, not me.

I also said there that it is incredibly bad form to mention things on other threads that you've read elsewhere. But, seeing as you're a big fan of it, please accept a big handclap for, on that thread, telling me that me Bfing my son is abuse and creepy. Yes, Bfing a 22 month old is apparently creepy child abuse. Uh-huh

Now, for the non-hystericals: no-one is saying that anyone else should EBF or even BF at all. Just defending womens' right to EBF if that is what works for them and their family. Kiwiinkits, I am my own independent, functioning sdult with a life of my own. That life happens to include breastfeeding. The two things are in no way mutually incompatible. Why is there so much kneejerk black and white thinking on a topic so obviously full of nuances? And why is anyone positive about EBF accused of trying to force others to do it yet people coming out with lies and bullshit and accusing women of abuse and all sorts of spiteful, illogical nonsense is acceptable opinion?

HiggsBoson · 11/02/2013 23:22

Bloody hell. Us 'natural term' bfers are getting some shit on here tonight!

DD has just turned 3 and still nurses ONCE per day in the PRIVACY of our home. It's no-one else's damn business as far as I can see, same as it's not my business if some of DD's friends still use dummies or wear nappies.

When DD wants to stop, fine. I'm certainly not doing it for my benefit as there are now very many other things we share our time doing that are a little more interesting than a 5 minute bf of a morning. I'd happily stop whenever.

Some of you seem a little too passionate and hateful in you anti-bf stance and perhaps need to look at why that might be.

OxfordBags · 11/02/2013 23:22

Maybe83, it is indeed weird to feel the first milk coming in (although I didn't mind, but it is decidedly odd), I do agree with that, sorry if I came on too strong.

Sparklyboots · 11/02/2013 23:24

I should be clear that I support full term bfing. I happen to live in a culture that makes it difficult. I'd certainly force weaning if I thought the benefit to him was outweighed by the cost to me - I don't. But I'm fucked if I'm going to be told it's for my gratification, or that I'm a weirdo bf nazi, when actually I've made a choice based on all the info and literally have no energy to raise any objection to others who ff. And I will not be told it's somehow icky in a culture where it's replaced by the milk of another species. Or that I'm the one with the problem when others are grossed out by the thought of a breast in a child's mouth, which is way more biologically appropriate than the common and rarely problematised idea of it in another adult's mouth, or all over the papers as a metaphor for sex, or under the scalpel of a surgeon offering cosmetic 'enhancement'. Seriously, fuck off.

VisualiseAHorse · 11/02/2013 23:25

I am my own independent, functioning adult with a life of my own. That life happens to include breastfeeding.

^^THIS.

Like feminists who choose to be SAHM's etc. You have the CHOICE to BF or not, to BF to natural term. It's our choice, and we should be able to defend that. I don't think I could BF a baby past 2 years, but I shouldn't take that choice away from others.

OxfordBags · 11/02/2013 23:47

I think I love Sparkly and Horse (crush)

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