to think that the further you are from the world of work, the crazier being a working mum sounds?

[StripeyBear]

I did it for 3 years - motherhood and a (part-time, but) demanding job... when you were always running from pillar to post, and buying take-away pizza, and feeling guilty because your child was crying when you left, and always being tired and hassled and answering your blackberry on your days "off" and being f**ked off because your job wasn't half as interesting as the work you used to get when you were childless and in the office full-time-plus....

Almost 2 years of being a SAHM later, my working-mother-friends come round for coffee on their day off and moan about all of the above.. It sounds familiar, but now even their moaning exhausts me. I'm more in a swapping recipes for lemon-drizzle-cake and making my own pizza dough sort of head space. These days I just potter around - my whole life has slowed down.....

Don't get me wrong - I realise I'm fortunate that we can manage without the wage (and not everyone can), but I find I am barely worse off (once the childcare is taken into account, and it is so much easier to spend money wisely, now that I don't have to buy crappy pizza because I am too exhausted to cook or book my holiday at the last minute because I wasn't organised earlier). And life feels so much better now that I'm not always exhausted... and I actually have time to do interesting stuff like read (grown-up) books... and there is no stress around childcare and the like....

So when my friends come round and moan about their blackberries ringing and being side-lined for promotions and feeling stressed about organising a child's birthday party when they have no time to really do it and so on.... instead of feeling oodles of sympathy... all I can think is... WHY? WHY? Why are you doing it then?

AIBU? I sort of suspect I might be

I am going to bed or I may say
something I regret.

Baby Booze with no added equine DNA. And that's a promise!

we are supposed to PAY people to mind the kids??? there are RATIOS ???? Bliey - maybe I should stop leaving mine tied to a lamppost outside work with a bowl of water and some digestives?

badinage Sun 10-Feb-13 21:42:18
Still no answer from the OP to my question about if she thinks nurseries are so bad, why it's mothers and not fathers who have to stay at home and do the childcare?

Sorry - I thought I did answer that. I don't think it matters that much, whether it is mum or dad. I think mothers are probably better placed for very young babies, because of the bf-ing - it depends how long you bf - after about a year, the baby is probably fine to be without its mum for the day.

In all honesty, it doesn't even have to be the Dad - it could be the grandmother or an aunt. Grandmothers make great carers - for me the important thing would be the intensity and stability of the relationship. A paid childcare worker just doesn't have the same relationship with your child as parent or other close relatives.

I'm not sure it is the right question though - IME, and I know other people say that their experience is different - it is mothers who want to be with their children - whilst fathers are much more likely to want to go to work instead. When I look around my friends, universally it is the mother who has made the career sacrifice and is working shorter hours... even if the mother is the higher earner, and it would make more fiscal sense for her to work f/t and her DH to work pt - well, IME, that rarely happens :(

Yes, the little hands are so much better at cleaning the distilling machinery too.

Attachment disorder is misrepresented to parents according to my friend who has studied it (not googled it).

Actually I think I must be double double crap as I had twins (plus a toddler) and put the twins in daycare for a couple of days a week and went home and just slept...

www.guardian.co.uk/lifeandstyle/2010/oct/02/nurseries-childcare-pre-school-cortisol

But.... But not sending Hayden-Jayden to his horrific nursery wouldn't allow me to work 15 hours a day! Or spend my evenings drinking vodka through my eyeballs with clients, leaving the little tyke to scream himself to sleep in his cot! I'm teaching him how to be self sufficient actually.

Lolz.

Stripeybear - you had a nanny do you think they didnt have the same relationship with your child? Why did you leave your child with her then?

your premise is all wrong working mum arent after sympathy.not yours not anyone
I love the ringing blackberry,love working,don't need 37hrs wk to make cake
so you'll ever work again?remain dependent upon your dp?what will you do when they at school

I don't think it matters re which parent.

Op your posts come across as unbearably sexist.

Add message | Report | Message poster gordyslovesheep Sun 10-Feb-13 22:04:43
we are supposed to PAY people to mind the kids??? there are RATIOS ???? Bliey - maybe I should stop leaving mine tied to a lamppost outside work with a bowl of water and some digestives?

Digestives?! DIGESTIVES?! You indulgent bitch, you are teaching him to be entitled which is a form of ABUSE AND NEGLECT!

Rich tea fingers. 42p in Aldi. No guarantee of equine content.

Sulawesi, the bliss of sleep.

With nannies babies are in their own home,with all they know.A nanny can take babies/children to local groups so they can be part of the community,she/he isn't beholden to EYFS.A baby will be able to have 1 to 1 and not have to fight for attention,to be heard over noise,can be with their siblings etc.

ChestyLeRoux Sun 10-Feb-13 21:43:11
Stripeybear - how on earth is yoir local nursery running without the minimum required staff? You dont know much about nurseries

I'm sorry - I'm afraid I know too much about nurseries - that's why I'm not keen on them. Any nursery worker will tell you that ratios are often not met. To keep costs down, they won't be fully staffed at the beginning or end of the day - hoping that parents will drop late and collect early... so if more people than they expect turn up - the ratio is breached. It will also be breached at lunchtime etc - just naive to think they are not, I'm afraid

I know I am wasting TAX PAYERS money on such extravagances as well :( I am awful

*I am also the tax payer - I could be spending that money on shoes or gin ffs

Indeed Linerunner, I could never get the blighters to sleep at the same time hence the farming out !

I am a nursery worker and have a BA 2.1 Early Childhood Studies.I have never known a nursery not adhere to ratios.Not once

Disappointed that they're not

Is there no end to your knowledge op?

I don't llove my job,or at least I wouldn;t if full time.
Can understand if you do enjoy it but I couldn't wait to reduce hours to bare minimum.
All DC'S now either grown up or at school so I work one day to 'keep my hand in' and do what I want the other days,be it meet friends for coffee,walk,read,sleep,shop.....
Am lucky in being able to do this,but my 'career' has taken back seat obviously and I cannot now be bothered to work any more or do anything else.
Love my life at home,but enjoy social side of work,and money of course

Janey68 Sun 10-Feb-13 21:49:17
Why do you think caring for young children is a shit job OP?

I didn't say caring for young children is a shit job - I'm sure being a Norland Nanny is a pretty good job, but earning the minimum wage in a nursery is not.